PASSIONATE STUBBORN

From Pretty Pink to Prestigious Olive Green

2011-09-22T12:50:00.007+05:30

“OFFICERS TARINING ACADEMY”

“This is the place where I wanted to be & this is the place where I’m standing now”

Once you realize that you have achieved your dream,,your senses cease to work & this was exactly what was happening to me when I stepped in OTA, for all I wanted in my life was to join Indian Army.

Dream,,,,dream that has turned into reality,,,,OTA,,,Indian Army,,,,all this was revolving in my mind & little did I know what I had to do exactly in OTA to actually become a part of Indian Army.

Anyways I had entered the academy & all I knew was that I can do it, no matter what.

Things become fine when your friends are with you & here I was all alone as the friends I had in academy were shifted to different company & different platoons and now it was just me,,,me & a crowd of unknown people,,most of whom also facing the same situation.

Somehow I convinced myself that things will be fine, it’s just the matter of time,,,but jut then I got to know something,,,something about which I was always aware of but not prepared.

Haircut or to be precise zero cut.

My family,,,my friends,,,everyone who has ever known me,,,,knew that how fond I was of my long hair. Imagining life without hair was impossible for me. Before joining OTA I had slight intuition that I may have to cut my hair but I was ready to do anything to save my hair but in army nothing works,,,orders are orders & my request of keeping long hair was rejected.

I still remember the day when I supposed to have haircut,,,I was almost in tears & praying that some miracle should happen but miracles don’t happen in army & my long pretty hair were cut into short pointed spikes.

For a week or so I was unable to recognize myself in mirror. But later on as the training proceeded I realized that with such a tight schedule & tough training,,,,its not easy to keep long hair.

For people like me,, who are the first one in their families to join army,,,trust me,,,its not easy to get into army grid,,,it takes time to adjust yourself and that adjusting phase is the worst part of training.

For years,,I had been told that I got a really pretty smile but when, in academy, I was told to cut that smile,,,,I was like…..WTF..!!!

Though I would never accept that I’m very talkative but according to others I’m talkative & in academy we are told to keep our traps shut,,,again WTF..!!!

INSHORT EVERYTHING FOR WHICH I WAS KNOWN FOR,,,,,,,I HAD TO CHANGE..!!!

And this change,,,trust me,,,was not easy at all. The initial two months of this transformation were like hell,,,I used to curse myself,,,my decision of joining academy,,,I cried,,,I wept,,,but,,,then got used to it and I didn’t realize when I started loving that place. Once you get into army grid,,,gradually you start to love this life & respect this profession. Initially the punishments of which we were really scared of,,,turned to be fun.

Apart from other things which academy taught us,,,it taught us the importance of little things in life. What does a phone call means when you get to call once in a week,,,what a biscuit means when you are starving,,,what is the importance of 5 minutes nap when you have to keep awake for days,,,what a letter means,,,when you are sitting miles apart from your beloved ones,,what does shade means,,when you have to be in sun for whole day.

I can’t explain the feeling of holding INSAS,, AK-47 or a rocket launcher the first time,,,the feeling of firing from these weapons,,,the feeling of jumping from 5m,,the feeling of getting lost in a jungle,,,the feeling of sleeping in rain,,,the feeling of rolling in a gutter,,,the feeling when you want to give up but your mind says to carry on and hell lot of other things.

No matter how much I cursed this place initially but now I love it,,,the crowd of unknown people are now my best buddies and this place is now my second home.

Officers Training Academy,,,,the place which taught me hell lot of things,,,,,most important of which is,,,,,,,,,,HOW TO LIVE LIFE…!!!

P.S. six months of training completed & now I'm a senior LC(Lady Cadet),,,,,,six months still to go to be an Officer of Indian Army :)

My dream...!!!!

2011-04-03T14:53:00.002+05:30

Hello friends,,,hope you all are fine.

well this is gonna be shortest post in my blog.

Actually thing is that,,I'm merit in & now I'm joining army,,,my dream is coming true so i won't be here till 6 months or maybe one year.

and all I've to say is

JAI HIND

Being on the lighter side :P

2011-03-15T17:49:00.015+05:30

Ever since I stepped into teenage,, I’ve been hearing same lines

“You were so chubby as a child,,,it is hard to believe that you are the same girl”

“Do eat something”

“Seems like you run on batteries”

And of course my favorite,,,that is actually a story that my granny used to tell me (I’ve mentioned this before also)

It was the story of a beautiful, fragile & delicate princess,,with big beautiful eyes. She had such a slender body that the food could be traced going down from her throat into her stomach. She ate only once a day or so.

And according to my granny I’m just like that princess.

If you are born & brought up in north India, then being skinny is like committing a crime. Having tyre around your belly is still okay but being skinny is a complete no no,,,,again people places & prejudices,,,phew

And unfortunately and unknowingly I committed this crime,,,, .

I don’t know at what point of my life I was chubby but I was chubby at sometimes,,,that’s what I get to here till now. I’ve been a headache for my mother,,,just because I don’t eat properly,,,well honestly that’s not my fault,,,,because the moment I entered teenage,,,someone stole the word “APPETITE” from my dictionary and just to get back this APPETITE in my life,,,I had to consume hell lot of medicines.

Still Mr. APPETITE never came in my life :(

Finally my mother gave up too and I was happy again :P

Honestly I was happy with what I was & still happy with what I’m but then,,,I realized that our body is a machine & it needs to be maintained properly,,,,though earlier I thought it is crap but it is a fact actually.

Being skinny is acceptable as long as you are healthy but being underweight is not.

And I was underweight.

This started bothering me more when I decided to join Army because Officers have to be fit.

That was it I decided to do something about it. Some things are really not in your hand & I realized this when I decided to gain weight. My body is like that it can lose a way too easily but its damn hard for it to gain the same.

Give me as many assignments as you can,,,and I won’t get tired until I complete them,,,,take me to Vaishno devi & I won’t rest during 13 kilometers journey,,,take me shopping,,,I won’t take a break,,,,,,but give me something to EAT & I won’t to able to complete the whole meal without leaving something,,,,,EATING is way too tiring for me.

But couldn’t help it,,,,and I had to gain.

So to motivate myself I used to recall the lines that a friend of mine once told me:

“you know you are like an idol,,,God has Himself carved you,,,your eyes,,,your features,,,everything is so perfect,,,the only thing He didn’t give you is flesh” :P

Well who wants to be perfect,,,,but then these flattering things can make you do anything :P

EAT,,,,,EAT,,,,EAT

That was all I had to do & that’s what I exactly did.

I gained weight & now I was just on the lower margin of the acceptable weight,,,,still three kilograms less than my exact average weight according to army standards but acceptable.

Few kilograms do make a difference.

I started getting attention,,,good comments & all.

The best one was the one I got just after my di’s marriage & it was, “you just look like your di now”

So touching it felt then..!!

Not the end of the story,,,now since I’ve acceptable weight,,,I decided to have some stamina too so I joined gym

Yes gym…!!!

When I went for the first time,,,,the lady looked at me from head to toe & then she was like “weight gain?” & in my mind I was like already I’m minus one and I don’t want to be minus ten so obviously weight gain but my reply was like “to increase stamina but yes weight gain won’t harm”

I guess guys go to gym mostly for bodybuilding but girls go mainly for reducing weight,,,,so in my case I was alien in the gym. Everyone was staring me with eyes wide open & then instructor had to tell them that I was there for increasing stamina,,,and it felt a bit embarrassing. Many of them were like take weight from us and I was like “I wish I could do that” and I really wish so :P

world would have been so perfect then,,,no????

Well nobody is perfect,,,,and it doesn’t matter,,,,what all matters is being happy with those imperfections…!!!!

I'm happy being on the lighter side,,,are you happy being on the heavier side ???????

Incredible Jammu...!!!

2011-03-10T19:21:00.059+05:30

Human nature….!!!

We don’t value the things we have,,,,we take them for granted until we are made to realize their importance.

Something like that happened with me & here I’m sharing with this you.

I was born in Kashmir. My great grandfathers migrated to Kashmir years ago & as far as we can trace our history, we have been living in Kashmir,,my great grandfather, my grandfather , my father & of course me,,all were born in Kashmir but only I didn’t have the privilege to be brought up in Kashmir,,,not that I’m complaining ,,,actually I don’t know what would have been better ,,,,to be brought up there or brought up here but I know love this place I was brought up…………………..JAMMU,,,,,,,my hometown Jammu,,,,,the place where I’ve spent almost all of my life.

As far as I could trace my childhood,,,,I remember this place only,,,,my home,,,,,Jammu. The first language I spoke was language of Jammu,,,,Dogri unlike my father who spoke Kashmir. My first favorite cuisine was of course Jammu cuisine unlike my father who’s very fond of Kashmiri food. My first proper girl’s dress,,still my favorite,,, traditional Dogri suit unlike my father who I guess still likes Feran(kashmiri warm gown) and my first favorite tourist destination(though now I know it’s not tourist destination,,,it’s more ) was & still is Mata Vaishno devi, here I don’t know my father’s favorite.

So for me Jammu is everything,,,, almost all my memories are linked to this place and I love this place,,,love this place like anything,,,beautiful,,,calm & unexposed place.

People here are satisfied with their lives,,,they know what they want & all they want is happiness,,,happiness in little things of life.

People here love each other,,,family bondings & everything ,,,it’s just amazing.

Touchwood,,,the place I live is heaven & I feel so lucky & blessed to be brought up here.

I loved Jammu always but last week when my friend from Assam,,,Cindy came here,,,I started loving Jammu even more. With her I explored other aspects of this place & its people.

And now all I’ve to say is

JAMMU IS INCREDIBLE,,,,,TRULY INCREDIBLE JAMMU……..!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are some pictures of incredible Jammu

Start of Mata Vaishno Devi yatra

One of the hundreds shop on the way to Bhavan.

Sunrise & Katra city

Half awake Katra City

My friend Cindy :)

Beautiful mountains

Finally end of journey

Beautiful view of Bhavan

Sweet breakfast :P
Bhairon Temple

Return journey
So many SSB memories related to these chips

Back in Jammu
Bahu Fort
On the way to Kali Temple

Cindy buying prashad :)

Fruit chat :P
Magnificent view of Bahu Fort

Entrance of Aquarium

View of Tawi river

Linking Jammu city

way back home

One of my favorite food joints

Jammu's onion dosa :P

Cindy's salad

ShivDham temple, Canal road

Cindy's diet :P
Shivdham temple
Cindy's shopping,,,,green tea,, kashmiri kehwa,,,dried amla,,,walnuts & almonds

Ranbireshwar temple

Kalere,,,used in marriages

Patel bazar & earrings :P
The famous Lemon Soda of Jammu

Girls love bags :P

Chuda,,,,Traditional bangles of Jammu

Garlands of currency notes,,,something unique to Jammu :P

The one & only mall in Jammu

Sunset,,,Barista & cappuccino,,,terrific trio

Isn't my JAMMU incredible ????????

Born on valentine's day :P

2011-03-01T18:38:00.010+05:30

Valentine's day....!!!!

I don't know how your valentine went this year,,,though I know its too late to ask about that,,,,but mine was a different this time,,,I mean this time it wasn't just a be-at-home-and-get bored-to-hell kind of day,,,,this time it was different.

What does this Valentine's day mean???

Different people,,,different definitions but everyone will agree it is something related to love,,,the most beautiful & lovely bond.

And this year,,,I discovered same bond with a different meaning.

I'm not much of an animal lover,,,I mean,,,I do appreciate every creature but I'm not into these pets & stuff. One of the reason can be my laziness & absentmindedness :P
So I won't let any poor creature suffer because of me.

Though once we had two puppies,,,,actually they were homeless puppies & as kids,,me,,my sister & my cousin provided them shelter,,,we loved them so much,,,we named them Brownie & Lomri.
We took care of them as our babies,,,though,,then we,,ourselves were like babies :P
Giving them food,,,milk,,,,bathing them,,,playing with them
We loved them like anything.

One day,,we came from school & Brownie was missing,,,we searched everywhere,,,fields,,,neighborhood,,,everywhere but we didn't find Brownie. We didn't eat anything & Lomri too,,,,we waited & waited,,,then we cried,,,,then we prayed.

That moment was the saddest moment of out life then,,,,nothing in the world would have created a smile on our face then but the face of Brownie.
We were sad & depressed,,,not willing to do anything but to wait for Brownie.

They say children are innocent & their prayers are most powerful & it was proven,,,Brownie came back home at night & we just grabbed Brownie,,,kissing him,,,,hugging him,,,,Lomri was happy too.

Both of them grew up & they were given to someone,,,we wanted to keep them,,,but no one listened us,,,,they were given to a neighbor,,,,occasionally we went to meet them but we never stopped loving them.

That was it,,,,we never kept any pet again but this Valentine's five puppies were born in my neighborhood,,,,five cute little puppies,,,,they remind me of Brownie & Lomri & all those moments we spent with them.

Valentine's isn't just about chocolates,,,cards & gifts,,,,it about,,,,it's about celebrating that beautiful bond of love.

Here are some pics of those five angels,,,though they are not fully visible in this.

I've named them also Brownie,,Lomri,,,Joey,,,Chandler and Barney :P

Brown one is Brownie,,,white is Chandler,,,,Black is Joey,,,,Dark brown is Barney & orange one is Lomri

They hadn't opened their eyes when i clicked these pics.

They keep sleeping all the time.

You can adopt any of them if you wish :P

P.S. My another blog Nostalgia is updated,,,,another short story do check it out,,,,click here "First date....!!!!"

my angel's wedding...!!!!

2011-02-15T21:02:00.004+05:30

“I just want her to get married as soon as possible,,,that’s it”

“But you’ll be the one who’ll weep the most when she’ll get married”

“We’ll see that”

“yeah,,,we’ll see”

And he saw that :P

The bond between siblings is quite strange,,,they fight like anything still they love each other a lot.

And I never had the idea how much I loved my elder sister until her marriage was fixed. I had been away from home for a month & just after one week of my coming back home, her marriage was fixed & she was going to get married after 15 days…!!!!

15 days!!!!

Just 15 days,,,that was quite a shock for all of us specially for me.

Our relation was quite different from other sisters, so to say. They say that two sisters are like best friends & they share everything but here things were different. We never shared anything,,,and if ever she happened to use my stuff or I happened to use her,,,there was a world war at home. And we had plenty of these wars not only regarding stuff but otherwise also.

I remember once we were all watching TV,,,it was the first episode of “SEA HAWKS” (Madhvan’s first TV show),,when there was a power cut,,,long back then there were no invertors,,,and I was asked to light a candle,,,and being very stubborn I refused,,,while my sister kept ordering again & again. I don’t know its quality or what,,,but we three sisters don’t get angry easily,,,and when we get angry,,,you’ll get to see the extreme of us,,,,wild avtar of us. Okay,,,coming back to the scene ,,,,she got really angry but still no effect on me,,,there was a knife on the table,,,it was dark,,,she took the knife,,,thinking that it was the blunt end of knife,,,she threw the knife on my ankle & before anyone could lit the candle,,,there was a pool of blood on the floor and my ankle bone was visible,,,I was taken to the doctor immediately,,,I didn’t get stitches,,but the mark is still visible on my left ankle. She was in shock when she saw the blood & we never talked about this scene.

And there was another time,,,when I refused to do something,,,but this time it was my turn,,,I took a pen & nailed it in her head,,,causing bleeding & injury.

All this used to happen in absence of mom & dad. In their absence we were like wild cats. There are so many stories of this wildness.

Once the painters who came to paint our room where astounded to see the marks of tea on the roof and when we were asked about the story,,,both of us exchanged mischievous smiles.

we were really mad,,,really really mad,,, just a little thing & we would go mad,,,tearing apart each others books,,,notebooks,,clothes,,,breaking,,hairbands,,,toys,,,mugs,,plates,,,anything that was in our vicinity. We were really a headache for our mother,,,and whenever she left us home alone,,,,there would be a great mess waiting for her. And every time she used to tell us, “you are sisters,,you should not fight like that,,see ABC & XYZ,,they never fight” and everytime we were like, “it’s her fault not mine”

but we had this thing we never stopped talking,,,we had dangerous fights,,,but after few minutes,,,we were again together,,,,making fun of others,,,we were really really naughty then.

Then came our third princess,,things were still the same until she grew up. Then our fights were not physical ,,,they were just arguments,,,and our mother heaved a sigh of relief as words don’t hurt anyone physically.

Till school we had these arguments only,,,though occasionally we used to discuss about our friends & all,,,but that was quite rarely. She was the most beautiful girl of school & I felt so proud to be her sister, though I never told her that,,and I was one of the most intelligent student & she felt proud whenever I got good marks & secured good rank in class,,though she never told me that but I got to know that from her friends.

Then she changed her school & with that our relation also changed,,she was not happy about her new school & that made me sad too,,,though we never talked directly on the topic but I would carefully hear whatever she had to tell mom & dad,,,I insisted mom & dad to change her school but then she didn’t want to change her school. It was the first time ever,,I had seen her so depressed,,,and seeing her like that was equally depressing for me too.

The second time when I saw her in depression was her 12^th class examination,,,we had some family problem & because of that she was unable to concentrate on her studies & her exams went bad. I have seen her weeping for hours but I never went to wipe off her tears,,,there was this ice between us.

Then when she was forced to change her subjects & she didn’t,,,that was the one time I supported her & asked her to do whatever she wanted. Since then she had been taking my advice. And with those subjects,,she became gold medalist.

Over a period of time our relation changed,,,it became more matured,,,though we still had arguments. The one topic on which we had argument was my behavior. She thought I was changing when I joined college & since I’m the spoilt brat of my family & I’ve the tendency to fall in bad company easily(it seems so stupid to write this),,,she thought I’ll spoil my career. She objected on almost everything & that was the time I literally wanted her to leave our home & get married.

But soon this changed also,,,she started respecting me,,,because,,,I had changed again. And when I got placed in TCS,, she was really happy for me but when I cleared SSB,,,she was super happy for me and now she thinks I’m a responsible person.

In all our lives,,,we have never wished each other happy birthday,,,not even congratulated each other,,,,no sugar coated talks,,,nothing at all,,,but when I got recommended,,,,,that was the first time she congratulated me.

When I came back home last month,,,I had decided these last few months at home,,, I’ll take her to lunch or something,, I’ve never given her any treat,,,though she had given us few. I had decided that these few months,,,we’ll do full masti,,,live our childhood again,,,and I’ll collect so many memories that I’ll take with me in academy but here I got to know she’ll be leaving this home much before me.

15 days!!!!!

Just 15 days…!!!!

In these last 15 days,,,we all were so busy in marriage preparation,,,specially me,,,there was so much to do & just a little time. I wanted to talk to her like actual sisters,,,wanted to tell her how I’m feeling about her leaving,,,so many things that I never told her but 15 days were not enough. I didn’t realize where these 15 days went. I never realized how caring she was,,,but in these last 15 days,,,, I noticed that also. She was always concerned about my health,,,while everyone was busy in marriage celebrations,,she would keep reminding me to have my health drink,,,eat properly on time,,, she remembered everything that I had to do.

On her wedding day, she was looking so damn beautiful, the most beautiful bride I've ever seen in my life, she was so mesmerizing on stage,,,,my princess,,my angel,,,,but now someone's else

And on 15^th day when she had to leave this home,,,i couldn’t face her. She was sitting in front of me surrounded by her friends,,,weeping,,,weeping badly,,,and I couldn’t wipe off her tears,,,,as I couldn’t stop mine. She crossed the gate,,,everyone was hugging her & she was weeping badly,,,everyone hugged her except dad,,me & my younger sister. When she was done with everyone else,,,she called for dad,,,,that was the first time I tears in my dad’s eye. I was standing at the back when I heard, “where’s bandu?” and that was it,,,,I just broke into tears & hugged her so tightly,,,that was the first time ever I hugged her,,,I didn’t want her to go,,,and I was not leaving her,,,but someone separated us,,,,,she went away with tears in her eyes & I could only wish that she remains happy in her new home.

My friend was there to witness the scene,,,,I never thought I’ll miss her so much,,,but I’m,,,,this home seems to be so empty without her,,,but anyhow,,,,that’s how life goes on

I just pray that she remains happy always.

P.S. Di I love you so much,,,,I hope someday you’ll read this,,,,though I’ll never tell you that I’ve written this for you.

The story of my trips :)

2011-01-31T22:18:00.009+05:30

LONG TIME NO SEE :P

Well this seems to be the perfect line to start this post.

Frankly speaking these days my mind has been completely rusted.

I don’t read & I don’t write. My other blog has been one year old & it has only one post,,my ranking is dropping,,,no increase in followers,,,in short I’ve screwed blogging a big time.

Nevertheless,,,its better to be late than to be never (something like that,,,I’m not sure about the exact wordings)

So now when I’ve given enough of explanations,,let me start now.

The time when I was not here,, I was in Delhi and then in Allahabad,,,, chasing my dream.

Months before when I had decided what I actually want (I’ve decided), I was not sure that if I’ll actually work hard for that, but someone has rightly said dreams are something that won’t let you sleep.

Okay it’s not the correct format to write about my dream,,,so let me be a little systematic.

22 May to 1 June, 2010

My first attempt to join army,,, my first SSB,,Allahabad

I had appeared in an interview for army & luckily I had cleared it & I received call letter for SSB interview. Since I had this thing to join defense and of course after a friend insisted me,,,I decided to go for it. I went to Allahabad with my parents,,,it was my first trip outside Jammu without friends so my parents insisted accompanying me,,,though I didn’t like the idea but I had to agree. I made very good friends there,,,,was an awesome experience but I wasn’t recommended. This SSB made me even more determined to join army & that was when I decided what I wanted to be.

27 September to 29 September, 2010

My first ever trip for job. It was a campus drive in Rayat College, Ropar, Punjab

I had this phobia for written exams,,I always thought that I won’t be able to clear any written exam so I never tried much but this time I wanted to give it a try as I had heard that IBM’s written is the easiest. Four of us decided to go,,,we prepared & we went. Luckily, all of us cleared first two rounds & we entered third but unfortunately 3 of us couldn’t get through it,,,good thing was that my best friend cleared it & presently she’s working with IBM, Noida and my phobia for written exams faded as here I cleared the written.

7 October to 10 October, 2010

My second trip for job, a multi-industry fair, Laxmidevi College, Alwar, Rajasthan

The remaining three people from Ropar trip went here. In advertisement there were so many companies but we were eligible for only one company & that was IBM again. All of us cleared three rounds & reached the final round. Everything went well but result was never out. Anyways, now we were prepared for more hardships to come.

22 October to 31 October, 2010

My third trip for job, G.B. Pant College, Greater Noida, TCS written exam.

This time in train we were only two people, of course both from Ropar trip, we guys really stick together till end. My friend was going for different company but I had one more friend, another best friend. Though I didn't want to appear for this exam as I had airforce exam the next day and I still had little phobia of written exam but a friend of mine who was already placed in the same company insisted a lot & I decided to give it a try. I appeared in exam on 23^rd, my friend appeared few hours before me, her result was announced & she was called for interview next day. I attempted two questions less than her so I had this little hope but we were told that our result will be mailed to us. My friend cleared interview & received the offer letter too. I kept waiting for one week but nothing so I came back home,,thinking that I screwed this one too. But a surprise was waiting for me, one day after I reached home, I received a mail, selection mail actually but interview date was not mentioned,, more waiting for me .

24 November to 28 November, 2010

My fourth trip, TCS office gurgaon, TCS interview.

I waited a lot but no mail from TCS,,,again my friend who insisted for TCS written suggested to mail TCS ,,,I did so and the same day I received call for interview. This time I was all alone, my first birthday in train,,and I was all alone, no one around till few hours.

Birthday was fantastic, so many surprises waiting for me, had so much fun, gave interview, which went good & came back.

2 December, 2010

Received my call letter for SSB interview which was again in Allahabad & same day received mail from TCS. I had been selected for TCS. So I had the backup job & now I had to chase my dream,, my longest trip was about to start,,,most tough & most memorable trip ever……

18 December, 2010 to 16 January, 2011

My longest trip outside home not for any job search but for my dream,,,,the dream that didn’t let me sleep for 6 months.

Ever since I filled the form for Technical Entry in army in July, 2010, I was waiting for the SSB call letter and now that I had received it,, all I had to do was to follow my dream.

The two weeks for which I had to stay in Delhi, were the most difficult days of my life. Firstly because I hadn’t ever stayed for that long away from home & secondly,,,,ok ,,,,that I don’t want to mention,,,and thirdly,, it was really tiring,,waking up 6 in morning & sleeping 1 in night.

I was missing my mom like anything,,,best thing about mothers is that they know what you are going through yet they never show this. My mom used to call me twice or thrice a day,,,and every time she asked me if I was eating well,,,mothers are mothers afterall,,,concerned about you all the time. And every time I made a chapatti & left without having breakfast,,,,I wished my mom to be with me and of course on several other occasions also. The worst thing about me is that I don’t open up that easily,,,,not with everyone,,,it takes lot of time for me to share what I’m actually feeling and there are only two or three people with whom I can share anything & whom I know have the power to cheer me up,,,,and unfortunately there I had no one among these two or three people but thank god someone invented mobile phones,,,everytime the dam of my tears was about to break,,,I could hold up myself & make a call to those special people & everything was fine after that. Though at one occasion that dam actually broke in spite of my efforts. Difficult times teach you some important lessons of life,,,,and I realized how much I love my family & friends especially my sisters,,,, because I never felt like I’ll miss them so much,,,their silly pranks,,,stupid things,,,weird habits & numerous fights that I had with them. This phase was quite torturing,,,,mentally,,,emotionally & physically but thank God it ended soon

Now the real adventure started. The first day of new year & I was again in a train,,,train to the most memorable & most beautiful journey of my life.

I reached Allahabad on 2^ndJanuary, 2011. As I was walking to the MCO,,a flash back was floating before my eyes,,,,my mom & dad with me,,anxious,,,excited,,,nervous,,,walking with me but this time I was alone,,,,feeling nothing at all,,,,totally numb. I reached MCO saw few girls waiting there,,,hi hello & my expedition started. Luckily I spotted my friend from last SSB,,,can’t explain how great it feels when you are among strangers & all of a sudden you find someone you already know. The four days just evaporated instantly,,,,again I made so many good friends & ofcourse I got so many compliments that how sweet & cute I am :P

All the tests were done so now all we had to do was to pray only. I,,my friend from last SSB & one more friend were together,,,,totally blank,,,,didn’t know what to say what to talk about,,,so much was going in our minds,,,that thing was very important for us. It is a strange thing with humans when something really important is coming towards them,,,a thing that can actually change their lives,,,they just start remembering all the crest falls in their lives,,,,obviously because of the reason that in case this thing also turns out to be a crest fall,,,they could just hold up themselves. We too started discussing our lives,,,what all we have faced in our lives till now & what will happen if not this?

The discussion ended & we were numb,,,silent,,,,blankly starting the place where we were living. All of a sudden,,,I remembered the conference day of my first SSB(previous one) when I called my mom to tell that I wasn’t recommended and then the faces of my parents started floating in front of my eyes,,,the sadness in their eyes,,,and of course the dead expectations on their faces. Till now I had prepared myself for the worst but as soon as I remembered this,,,I broke into tears,,,,it was the second time in this long trip when I wept. But soon I calmed down & stopped thinking about it,,,I was ready to accept whatever was there was me.

7 January 2011,,,,Fifth day of SSB,,the conference

I was the first one to face conference being Chest No. 1,,,,my conference took hardly 15 seconds or so. The conference of others was going on but I was sure that I won’t be recommended,,,I went back to lines,,,took my cell & called my friend,,,told her what all I was feeling. My friends are my greatest assets,,,just 10 minutes of call & I felt better,,,went back to the place where results were to be announced.

A army officer walked into the room with a file containing the fate of 24 girls sitting in the room. He started giving the speech,,,,and I wasn;t listening to it. My mind was reminding me the mistakes that I made in the past four days,,,and with each mistake that I was reminded of,,,I was sure of not getting through this SSB,,so I started preparing myself for taking up job in TCS. I started thinking that how I’m going to tell my parents about this & of course how I’ll handle myself. Suddenly I become attentive when the officer said, “The selected candidates are….” And my heart beat stopped,,,I knew that the result will go like this “selected candidates are chest number 2,3 ,….(anyone till chest number 24 but not me). I was holding back my tears,,the officer continued, “ok the selected candidates have to spell out their names & roll numbers. So the selected candidates are Chest no. 1” and I was blank,,,I was not sure if what I heard was correct. The officer turned his eyes towards me and I was supposed to spell out my name & roll number and I couldn’t spell my name,,,,I forgot my roll number too but after few seconds I gained my senses and as soon as I was finished tears started rolling down my cheeks. The officer was finished with the results & to be very honest I wasn’t listening to the results. People were hugging me,, congratulating me but I was numb. We were given the new chest numbers,,,the white ones,,with red plus sign & I was number 1 again.

I called my mom & then I called my friend,,,I just said hello,,,I was actually weeping that time & she replied, “congratulations” and I was astonished how she got to know??? With my trembling voice it was not obvious that I was in but she somehow guessed that,,,divine bond,,,,soul connection I guess.My cell started flooding with calls & I started calling everyone.

Then I called my dad,,told him that I’m recommended & the reply I got made that day the happiest day of my life,,,he said, “congratulations” and before he ended the call I heard him telling someone “kudi select ho gyi hai ji” (girl is selected) and I could easily guess from his voice how happy he was. This was the first time he congratulated me for something,,though I actually wanted to hear “I’m proud of you” nevertheless I was happy and I hope he will say these words when he will put two stars on my shoulders,,,fingers crossed for that.

Then our medical examination started and I was medically fit,,,came back home and I was given such a warm welcome. Everyone in my family,,,bade papa,,,badi mummy,,,chachi,,,chachu,,,granny,,,sisters,,,cousins and of course my parents congratulated me and many of them said that I’ve made them proud. Chachu said that I’ve proved that I’m the son of my parents,,,bade papa said that now they can tell others that we too have a captain in our family. Mom was super happy,,,hugging and kissing me all the time,,, I was hoping to get some such thing from dad but hard luck there.

I was asked to tell in detail about my ssb and the whole day I kept repeating the same thing. My family was super happy for me,,,this made me even happier,,,I wasn’t expecting so much.

Later on in evening my younger cousin came to me & she said, “di, you know the day you were selected your dad was so happy,,he was telling us that you have made him proud and now he could tell others that his daughter is a captain in army”

That was it,,,,I was the happiest person in the world then.

Though the merit list is pending & I’m not sure if I’ll be an army officer but for sure these moments will remain the happiest moments of my life.

JAI HIND

With all new wintry look,,,,cheers to winters :)

2010-12-15T18:23:00.003+05:30

Heyyyloooo friends..!!!

I’m freezing,, what about you???

I’m not complaining or anything but yeah I’m not a fan of winters,,though I don’t hate it completely. There are few things that I love about winters.

I’m from a village & winters in village are something really worth cherishing,,,though summers are no different here.

The sweet warmth of sunlight,,,the breeze that brings golden dried leaves,,the fields filled with lush green vegetables,,,& the dried river.

Everything seems amazing.

Seems like I’ve started loving winter :P

I was born in Kashmir,, though I didn’t spend much time there but I love Chinar leaves (Maple leaves)

“Naar” in Arabic means fire. Dried Chinar leaves resemble fire,, hence the name Chinar is given to this tree. Chinar grows in cold regions,, not in jammu :(

So whenever anyone goes to Kashmir or Kud,, the only thing I ask for is to bring those leaves for me. Now why I’m talking about all these is because I’ve changed the look of my blog. And as u can see it is inspired by winter & Chinar.

Lately, I was a lot busy in job search trips & tours (though I got a job but still trips are on) so I couldn’t be regular here. Those who are still regular to my blog (I strongly doubt that) must have noticed that I’m not devoting much time to blogging.

So I decided to take some time out for my blog & give it a new look. Well change is the spice of life but to make some change you have to think a lot. But with winters around & my love for Chinar,, these look seemed to be so perfect.

With all new wintry look,,,,cheers to winters :)

People, places & prejudices..!!!

2010-12-07T17:37:00.012+05:30

Humans are strange species,,,we form prejudices and refrain to change them unless circumstances make us to do so. Being born and brought up in one state only, I didn’t get much chance to interact with people from other states until I started my job search, so I had such prejudices regarding people and places.But certain things happened that completely changed them.

Recently I had been to Delhi, well I guess I visit Delhi as frequently as one visits loo :P

Whenever I go to Delhi, I prefer to stay with my friends, though I’ve relatives there, but staying with friends is so much fun & I’m sure you all will agree. So this time, a day before I had to return back to Jammu, we went to Big Bazar, Vasant Kunj, as I had to buy a special diary for my cousin. She had threatened me that if I won’t get her that diary she won’t allow me to enter home. After getting all the stuff that we needed from there, we decided to be there and chill for some time. While we were enjoying our chat and maggi(only my friends, not me because I hate maggi), we noticed a cute little girl in red frock roaming around. A lady, in fifties was with her & I guessed that she was her grandmother. That girl was really cute, must be some four years old. I was telling my friend that I’ll make my daughter have same haircut. For some fifteen minutes, I kept noticing her. Initially she was roaming alone & then she started playing with other kids, who were younger to her. I guess she found their company boring so she left them & came back to her grandmother. It was getting late so we had to leave, but before leaving I wanted to take a photo of her. I asked her grandmother for permission & she allowed but when I went to her, she didn’t give me the permission. And I was like, she’s a little cute but spoiled brat and whatever I think about these big cities and people living in these cities is absolutely right. But her grandmother was really so sweet, she requested her again but of no use.

After some five or ten minutes of requesting she allowed us to give her photo but only after she’ll take ours. We agreed, she took our mobiles & started clicking pictures. Most of the time her fingers were on camera & then she was telling us to come closer as she couldn’t see us. And trust me, I haven’t seen anything cuter than that. She wasn't telling us her name but her granny told us that her name is Netra.

Then her grandmother asked her to allow us to take her photos. Moments before she was like no no but now she was giving us so many wonderful & sweet poses & that too like ten poses in one second,,and it was hard for us to catch any pose properly ,,,still we took some really nice pictures.

While we were taking her pics, she offered us her chocolates,, now it was something unusual,,,I haven’t seen any kid who would share his/her chocolates with anyone like that.

Now it was getting too late & since one of our friends was home alone so we had to leave but guess what she won’t allow us to leave her. We were worried & didn’t know how to fool her; she was too smart for us. Her granny offered us lift,,we agreed as we didn’t had a choice. Her granny told us that they run a parlor & that day her mom was quite busy as she had three or four bridal assignments and since Netra won't allow her to finish her work that easily so Netra had to be taken away & that's why Netra & her granny were in the mall. She started throwing popcorns on us & we collected those popcorns & started throwing back on her,,,so we had this little popcorn war in car. She couldn’t pronounce “popcorn”,,,,she called them “pokcom”.

We didn’t realize when we reached our stop.We were about to leave the car, when she got hold of my hand. I tried to get myself free but when I looked into her eyes, I couldn’t move. Her eyes with filled with tears, and trust me tears don’t look good on something as cute & innocent as her. Soon she started crying loudly & then requesting us not to leave her. It was hard to leave her like that but we had a friend alone at home, so we decided that two of us should go home & two should stay back. Her granny drove us to her home & half of the way, she was completely quiet, but then she started smiling & playing again. We tried a lot that she should sleep in the car but she was too smart. We reached her home. Her mom and dad were there. She took me to her room & showed me all her toys & shoes, then she had to attend nature’s call but she was too smart, she kept repeating from washroom, “yehi ho?” (are you there) after every two minutes & I’ve to answer “yes” every time.

We all tried a lot to make her sleep but all in vain,, every time either she would something for us to eat or pick a flower & propose to us in a really cute way,,,assuming us to be her friend Rehaan :P

It was 9pm now so we had to leave. We handed her to her father & left without looking behind. All we could hear was her screams & her words “Didi mat jao please” (Didi , please don’t go).

It was hard to leave her like that, but we were left with no other option. While we were returning her granny told her,, she’s like that only. She doesn’t mix up with people easily & once she mixes up she gets so much attached to them that she doesn’t let them go.

The girl who seemed to be so arrogant turned out to be so sweet and I was proved wrong. It doesn’t depend where are you from,, it depends on how you are brought up.

'cause when you are 23,,,you're gonna freak out...!!!!

2010-11-24T13:51:00.008+05:30

‘Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them…….

One of my favorite song.

But I guess it’s not that you are fifteen, it’s because you are told that you are being loved, doesn’t matter at what age,,,you will definitely believe that.

Tomorrow I’ll turn twenty three,,,hey,,,hang on for a minute,,,I’m not here to tell you that during these twenty three years how many times I’ve been told this or how many times I’ve told this to others, though there isn’t any doubt about the fact how amazing it is to be loved by someone. It’s just that I felt like starting my post with these lines.

So finally I’ll be twenty-three,,,oh my god,,,TWENTY-THREE,,,something to freak about. Time really flies away. I didn’t realize where these years went & when I look back,,,,,,wait,,,when I look back,,,,,,I don’t find any similarity between what I’m today and what I used to be.

(when i was some two years old)

First birthday, second birthday, third birthday, fourth birthday,,,,,,honestly I don’t remember anything. The only thing I remember is that till my 10^th or 11^th birthday I used to be really dumb & too shy,,well shyness continued till 17^th or 18^th birthday but thank God dumbness vanished soon. (I honestly have no idea if I’m talking sense,,,well I hope you understand that tomorrow I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE,,,and it’s really something to freak about).

Well I wasn’t someone whom you can describe as a naughty,,I was lot more closer to what you call innocent. I think I was always lot more sensible than other people of my age group,,,,oh please,,,don’t raise your brow like that,,,I was,,okay

But there was a part of me that was too weird and that I kept to myself only and the part that gave me much trouble later in my life,,,weird and too sensitive part (again I have no idea if it is making any sense,,,and again I hope you understand that tomorrow I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE,,,something to freak about).

(when i was some six years old)

Anyways now talking about birthdays,,,well honestly birthdays don’t excite me as much as they used to earlier,,,but yes I love receiving wishes,,especially through calls :P

I remember on my twenty first birthday,,,I was too upset and I didn’t receive any calls and when I woke up I saw 21 missed calls,,,was really happy about this :P. At that time SMS service was banned in J&K (which is still banned) so almost everyone had called or was still calling. Later on when my mood was okay,, I was telling a friend of mine(who is not a friend now :P) that he didn’t called to wish me, to which he replied, “but I wished you in person” and my reply was “that doesn’t matter, I want everyone to call on my birthday :P”

Again this is non-sense but remember I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE tomorrow…!!!!

(when i was some fifteen years old)

Bad thing about birthdays is that they make realize that you are leaving so many sweet memories behind and won’t be able live them again and good thing is that it reminds you that you have been really strong all these years to face so many ups and downs which really makes you laugh now ,,,,,hmmmm,,,,,,time really flies away…!!!!!

(this is what i look like now,,i'm in center)

P.S. really I don’t know if this post makes any sense but I hope you understand that tomorrow I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE,,,and it’s really something to freak about……!!!!

I'm there for you always...!!!

2010-11-17T20:15:00.001+05:30

“You know I missed you like hell when you were not talking to me”

It had been almost a week or so since we stopped talking. She just asked a simple question & maybe I never expected that she would ask, especially when I had already warned her not to ask me anything regarding that but she did. And not knowing how to react, I simply walked away telling her that she didn’t know anything so the answer won’t matter to her. I don’t know why it hurt me so much, it was just a question but I guess the answer was never simple for me. It hurt so much so that I almost wept. I have this problem with me, when I’m in deep pain I can’t be with the people whom I love the most, reason being I can’t see my sadness in their eyes & then I start acting weirdly, not talking to them & totally ignoring them and same happened in this case. I may pretend to be really strong but when reminded of certain things I again become a fragile being.

Things were getting tougher for me, firstly because I couldn’t control my emotions & secondly I couldn’t see her being so sad. I tried to break the ice, but I simply couldn’t & when she tried, I would simply walk away. Things were really gloomy for both of us. At home also, things were not so good and she being aware of what I was going through, was always at my side. And soon something happened in my family that changed everything. I literally decided to forget everything & started living my present. Gradually we started talking again. Though it was a short time but it changed everything. And then one day, when we were together she told me how much she missed me when we were not talking, I too missed her a lot, I almost choked while telling her so. We hugged each other & since then we never have faced anything like that.

P.S. I was just going through my diary & read about this incidence and couldn’t stop myself from putting this in my blog. I called the same friend, telling her the same thing & telling her how much I’m missing her. She is presently facing the same family problem that I’ve faced and I just want her to know that though I can’t do anything about her problem but I’m always with her. Luvya sweetheart

Life goes on...!!!

2010-09-26T22:48:00.002+05:30

I’m writing this post today, but I’m not sure if tomorrow it’ll carry any meaning for me or not. Well, life is always like that you can never be sure of anything & I guess that’s what makes it exciting..!!!

A lot has been happening around me,, a lot of changes & perhaps I’m changing too with these changes. I always thought I’m going to be free when I’ll be a pass out but it exactly the other way around. At first I wasn’t sure if I can keep up with the pace my life is changing but seems like I got an employment with life there :)

And whosoever has said whatever happens, happens for the good,, I totally agree with that person. These days I’m really happy,,, really really happy for no apparent reasons,,, life has moved on,,,people have too & me three.

But still there are things that never ends,,,,,though you sometimes doubt their existence. And these are the things that never cease to create that impact on you,,,of course the impact is not that profound now.

As a friend of mine put status on facebook, “life goes on” and I commented, “and the only thing that we can do is to enjoy every bit of it”

Really all we can do is to enjoy our present :)

Be contended :)

2010-09-04T22:32:00.002+05:30

You are with friends, enjoying life, thinking that perhaps you are the luckiest and happiest person in the world. You are partying, having fun & discussing the things that are not that important (like shopping, food, etc) then gradually the discussion takes turn towards some important matters in life,,,the situation becomes little tense then discussion becomes more important & along with it situation becomes a little more tense then finally you start discussing the most important things in life(well presently you think these are the most important things in life) but now the situation becomes lighter because no matter how difficult the path is, the destination is always beautiful so you relax & start enjoying again.

But this is the time when you realize that it is getting dark so you have to hurry. You sum up the discussions, gather your things, say goodbye to your friends & leave (still unwilling to leave). It’s pitch dark outside & you start worrying, worrying that how you’ll go home that too in a public transport with all kind of strange people & the worst, how you are going to face your parents?

Thinking that your parents won’t listen to anything & you will surely be scolded, you start worrying more, anyhow you get into a local bus and thankfully you have good company. The music is playing louder & gradually you again start thinking about least important things in life,,,then important things in life, then more important things in life then finally most important things in life and at this point you enter a state of trance, where everything cease to exists, where nothing matters, nothing at all, not even scolding of your parents that you are surely going to get, not the least important matters in life & not even the most important matters in life. You are in a different world now, a totally calm world, the music is falling on your ear drums but not creating any sensation, it’s pitch dark outside but you are feeling enlightened. In this state you realize that nothing really matters, nothing at all, you are here just to live your life, live it to fullest, live for the moment. You are not here to change the world, not here to change anyone’s life, so just live your life & that will automatically make a difference in others life & ultimately in the world.

Finally the bus drops you at your stop, it is pitch dark, road is empty but your heart is full, your heart is contended :)

Two years of blogging!!

2010-08-20T21:39:00.004+05:30

Long ago when I won first prize in essay competition consecutively for two years,,,somewhere in me a writer had already taken birth & then gradually I started taking interest in Hindi literature too, though that didn’t last long. Stories, fiction always fascinated me though these were related mainly to my text books & grandma’s stories only and also few story books that I read occasionally. It was only two years back when I started taking interest in novels & coincidently it was the time when I started blogging too.

Yeah, you guessed it right, my blog has completed two years, two years of silly, stupid, mind swirling, spiritual, emotional, funny, motivational blog posts(okay that’s what I think about my blog posts, don’t know about you guys).

I’m not gonna mention what made me to start blogging,,how was the first year because I’ve mentioned that a zillion times on my blog(I know I’m exaggerating but that’s me), so I’m gonna keep this blog post short & sweet.

Before ending I wanna say P.S.(initials for my blog) I really love you,,you have been like my best buddy in good & bad times,,and your being with me means the world to me.

Happy second birthday P.S.

And that has made all the difference

2010-08-18T19:33:00.003+05:30

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference”

Robert Frost

Really it takes loads of courage to take the path that is less travelled by. Obviously, who would like to take undue risks in life? Moreover people are keen to follow others footsteps,,,going with majority & fearing to try something new.

But

Those who thought other way around made a great difference. All the great people belong to this category. The less travelled path, no doubt, has many hardships,,but once we cross these pits & bumps, there’s a smooth road ahead.

Now what made me to write this was the behavior of my friends. We all are pass-outs now (though our result of last semester is still pending) and majority of us are not sure about what they want to do in life? Some of us who have made their mind to do something are following their chosen path & others are merely following them. I’m not against this, well, it’s better to decide as soon as possible rather than to waste time but the shocking thing was that few among my friends changed their path just because no one else was travelling by that path. I mean how ridiculous is that?

Just because that path is less travelled by doesn’t make you a fool to choose it.

Friends don’t act dumb,,,use your senses,,,life is not always a cakewalk and who knows the path you chose leads to a beautiful destination.

P.S. stay focused, stay positive & stay happy

Happy Independence Day!!!

2010-08-15T10:53:00.003+05:30

Independence day,,,since a child I’ve been cramming essays on Independence day,, reading books on freedom struggle,,,watching movie on the same topic & like millions of other Indians I feel proud that I’m born in a country like India which in spite of having so many diversities, so many hardships, so many issues, is still progressing as one of the world’s fastest growing economies.

India is really great & I’m proud to be an Indian.

Okay India is great & it’ll continue to progress to be greater but if we just talk about ourselves, what we are doing as an Indian for our country?? What does this independence means to us?? (Forgive me if I’m sounding like one of those promos of some TV show)

As an 22year old,,just-out of-the-college-engineer, I won’t talk about changing the political system & all because I know that change won’t come in few days and it’s quite complicated process but at least I can think of changing the things that won’t take that much time and are much simpler.

I won’t talk about whole country,,I’ll just start from my own state, the first thing that I think is missing in this state(& of course in other parts of country too) is cleanliness. It is clearly written on walls “stick no bills” or “don’t deface” or “don’t spit” but it seems like everyone here is illiterate. Dustbins are empty & trash is lying on road. Drainage system is blocked & water is flowing on road blocking traffic. If only we follow simple rules, which I think are not that hard to follow, our country will be a lot cleaner.

On this Independence Day, I take pledge to follow these rules because I just love this country & I want it to be clean.

Father of all Tags :P

2010-08-14T09:56:00.002+05:30

Chanz tagged me this and it is called the "Father Of All Tags". Well yeah it is really a looong one but since i take great pleasure in doing these tages so here we go

Ten how’s:

1. How did you get one of your scars? – well I’ve loads of scars but if I’ve to pick one (you can call my favorite :P) I’ll pick the scar on my right hand that I got while enjoying riksha ride for the first time in Roorkee
2. How did you celebrate your last birthday? Like Chanz I too celebrated it for two days & I got a lovely surprise from my friends,,it was my last birthday in college hence a memorable one.
3. How are you feeling at this moment? Hmmm,,,,feeling indifferent actually
4. How did your night go last night? Was reading a novel & didn’t know when I fell asleep
5. How did you do in high school? Well I was kinda best student in school,,,still remembered for the same :P
6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? Mom got this for me & I hate it
7. How often do you see your best friend(s)? almost everyday,,,two months back,,but now once in a week or so
8. How much money did you spend last month? More than what my pocket money is ;)
9. How old do you want to be when you get married? I haven’t thought about it,,,hmmm,,,I don’t actually wanna get married,,,but if I’ve to it’ll be after I’ve lived my life the way I want ;)
10. How old will you be at your next birthday? Well truly speaking the social networking sites will show 23years :P

Nine what’s:

1. Your mothers name? Monica
2. What did you do last weekend? Was busy in planning surprise for Eko’s birthday.
3. What is the most important part of your life? I guess it’s me only :P
4. What would you rather be doing? Watching T.V.
5. What did you last cry over? It was the time when I was in some deep shit & mom wasn’t home because of mammu’s death. I just called her, she said, “What’s wrong?” & dang
6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? Talking to my friends
7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? Many actually but the most important is that the person should have depth,,,I hate superficial people(my weird terminology)
8. What are you worried about? Getting a job
9. What did you have for breakfast? Milk,beans & chappati

Eight you’s:

1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? Liked someone (just crush actually) but don’t know if he had a girlfriend :P
2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? In what sense??
3. Have you ever been out of the country? No,,but I would like to
4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? Hmmm,,,somethings but can’t disclose here ;)
5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? Yes,,many times
6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? NO!!!
7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Not dated anyone actually ;) single & not ready to mingle yet
8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Hell lotta times

Seven who’s:

1. Who was the last person you saw? My elder sis,,she just turned off the lights
2. Who was the last person you texted? Don’t remember because sms service was banned in J&K long ago so can’t recall
3. Who was the last person you hung out with? Eko
4. Who was the last person to call you? Eko
5. Who did you last hug? Eko on her birthday last week.
6. Who is the last person who texted you? Can’t remember,,,& I’ve deleted all messages from my cell
7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Must be one among my friends,,,I keep telling them this every now & then :P

Six where’s:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live? All in jammu :P.
2. Where did you last go? Java classes.
3. Where did you last hang out? Kwality with Eko
4. Where do you go to school? Jammu only.
5. Where is your favorite place to be? It used to be college but now anywhere with friends.
6. Where did you sleep last night? My own bed :P

Five do’s:

1. Do you think anyone likes you? Yeah I do,,,well who doesn’t like to think so :P
2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? No,,,I just love myself
3. Do you know the muffin man? Nope
4. Does the future scare you? Yup,,,,sometimes
5. Do your parents know about your blog? Hmmm,,,,I don’t know,,,,maybe,,,they just know I’m addicted to net but nothing more than that

Four why’s:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? Because they believe in me & they love me for what I’m
2. Why did you get into Blogging? Writing has always been a passion to me.
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? Parents didn’t gave me this name :P
4. Why are you doing this survey? Because I’ve nothing else to do ;)

Three if’s:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be? To read others mind but I’ll never disclose it
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? Nothing actually,,,but still if I’ve to,,,I’ll change my school :P
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? Laptop net enabled :P

Two would-you-ever’s:

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? No Ex yet
2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? Of course.

One last question:

1. Are you happy with your life right now? Yes I’m :)

Since no one takes my tags seriously so I’m tagging no one though all of you are free to take this tag

What is happiness????????

2010-08-12T14:14:00.003+05:30

Happiness……….

So what is this happiness???

I’m sure there will be n number of definitions by n number of great minds but I’m sure for everyone among us, happiness has its own definition & most of us would have changed their definitions after a certain time, after experiencing certain things or after having learned important lessons of life.

Now why I’m discussing this happiness with you??

It was the birthday of one of my friend & I wanna wish,,,after thinking a bit,,I chose the words “May all your wishes come true” but then I thought can just fulfillment of wishes bring happiness to someone what if the person isn’t sure himself/herself about what he/she wants in life? I mean our dreams, our wishes do change, and they change with every passing moment. Maybe what we wish or dream about now won’t have any significance few years later.

Oh yeah,,,, wishes/dreams do come with an expiry date.

Then I thought,,,what can be the best way to wish someone??

If fulfillment of wishes can’t always guarantee happiness then what can guarantee happiness??

Then I thought about myself,,what makes me happy??

Years before if you would have asked me the same question,,my answer would have been “I’ll be happy,,,if I stand first in the class/essay competition/any other competition ,,,or if I’ll be selected house captain again or head girl or if I get that dress/shoes etc” or somethings. Years back,,this was the definition of happiness for me, perhaps that’s why the happiest day of my life then, was when I got 13^th rank in the district in 8^th standard results.

If you ask this question to me now,,then my answer will be, “I’ll be happy if I’ll get a job(because this is the thing that I need presently)” otherwise these days I’m always happy because I’ve loads of memories of my college life which are more than enough for me to make me happy,,I’ve world’s best friends as my friends,,,there are people who appreciate me for what I’m,,,my parents are proud of me(ofcourse,,they’ll feel more proud once I’m independent & start earning myself) and most importantly I’m living my life the way I want, and that’s why the happiest day of my life has been replaced by the last day of my college,,,the day when I was appreciated for the party I planned with my friends & the movie I made. And that was the day I learned that nothing can be more wonderful than having the friends like I have.

Years later if I’ve to answer the same question,,,my answer would be quite different I’m sure. Why I’m sure because I’ve the live example of my mother in front of me. I’m sure years back her definition of happiness would have been different but now all that makes her happy is-our happiness,,all she prays for is-our happiness,,nothing matters to her but our happiness.

So after thinking a lot, I end up wishing my friend “Loads of happiness” because unlike dreams or wishes happiness doesn’t come with an expiry date,,it has a rolling validity,,after every moment spent,,after every lesson learnt and after every dream realized,,,it changes its definition accordingly.

Stay happy :)

That brand called love!!!

2010-07-29T19:28:00.003+05:30

I was returning from my Java classes when I overhear a guy talking to someone on his mobile in a local bus. Well, I can’t say overhear because he was talking too loudly & I’m sure everyone around must have heard. From his words it was clear that the person on the other end was a girl & they were having an argument. The girl was angry with him because he had forwarded her number to someone & now that someone was troubling her. That someone was very close to that guy & I assumed that he couldn’t say no to him. Also it was clear that this guy & that girl were more than just friends though I can’t say if they were in a relationship. That guy was trying to cool her but she wasn’t ready to hear anything. He told under what circumstances he gave her number. It seemed that the girl had something for this guy & she trusted him a lot(just my assumption) but that guy ,,,hmmm,,,I can’t say if he was serious too and (again my assumption) he wanted her to be friends (actually more than that) with that someone. I felt so sick about the way he was treating that girl as a commodity,,he can’t keep it so he’s gifting it to someone else.

Though this whole episode had nothing to do with what I’m writing in this post(or maybe it has) but still I’ve included it.

Really “Love” has become a brand name; no wonder a million dollar industry is blooming on this name. It’s so funny how a beautiful feeling can be marketed to earn big bucks. Just walk into any gift store & you will find loads of love soaked things. It’s not that I’m against this. In fact it really feels got if someone demonstrates his/her feeling using these things but then,,,,do we actually know the real meaning of love????

These days, guys & girls just run into relationships just for the heck of being into a relationship because being single is just so uncool. Ask these people what they mean by love or how they feel for their partner, I’m sure they’ll go blank. With present day lovers as Romeo & Juliet, the play will become a spoof. Juliet telling Romeo, very causally, that’s she’s so sorry for him because she found someone else & that’s why she’s dumping him.

Of course everyone is not like that & thank god, there are still many exceptions, but still we really need to think about this.

Few days back, I was at a friend’s place & we were having a discussion about how some morons go mad for what they think is love. I mean, it’s okay, if you like someone but you can’t force anyone to like you back. I can’t use “Like” because even these people are not sure if its liking or infatuation. How can you say that you can’t live without him/her, when you never had him/her in the first place?

So don’t just jump to conclusions, there’s difference between liking & infatuation, between crush & love. For liking or loving someone you need to know that person. Just wait to have that much maturity in you where you can differentiate between things.

Guys, it’s not like others have a branded thing called love & you are still out of the league. Love isn’t a thing to show off or flaunt, love is an intangible feeling that you have in your heart.

Stay positive!!!

2010-07-25T14:43:00.003+05:30

“Did she tell you what’s wrong with her?”

These were the words of a really caring & loving friend of mine, spoken at the time when I was facing a sort of problem about which I preferred to remain quite, the time when I behaved strangely, too strangely, a phase when I, myself, didn’t know what I was going through, so there wasn’t a question of sharing it with anyone else. But it is over now.

Now when I think about that phase or someone else reminds me of that,,all I feel about is EMBARRASSMENT . I can’t believe that I turned out to be such a moron at that time. I could have handled that very well but now all I can do is to laugh at that. Really it was so stupid of me to act like that.

Not only this,,there have been hundreds of such moments in my life which either makes me to laugh or feel embarrassed. Situations where I could have shown my maturity, patience & handled them well rather than to face them like morons. Anyways , I can’t do anything about them since it’s all past but I can just promise myself that I won’t act like that again. After all facing a problem is better option than running away from it.

It’s not just about me,,it must have happened with you also at any moment of life. I can’t help wondering, how feeble we turn out when we are facing some problem & how easily we can give lectures to others about staying positive & handling difficult times with patience. How easily we forget that no matter what sort of hardships we are facing,,that will pass soon,,all we need to do is,,,staying positive.

I hope from now onwards I’m always gonna remember this.

I've decided ;)

2010-07-11T12:40:00.002+05:30

“Hazaron khwaaishein aisi ki har khwaaish pe dum nikle,
Bahut nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle”

-Ghalib

Lying on the roof & gazing the night sky,,,I always wondered how far these stars are,,,,how vast this universe is. It was after I read about universe,,,I remember I couldn’t believe myself that this universe is so vast. Milky way,,never ceased to amaze me let alone this universe. And I always asked my Bade papa numerous questions about stars,,planets,,,satellites,,,whole universe actuallyand I was told that man has stepped on moon only then I grew up & got to know about space scientists & astronauts and I was damn sure that was what I wanted to be,,,an astronaut. Then years later,,,Kalpana Chawla’s incident happened and I was yet more determined. Though frankly speaking I didn’t know what I had to do to become an astronaut & I didn’t even try to know it :D

But then gradually I forgot about this & became more involved in school activities. I remember during one summer vacations,,,I discovered a TV serial on Doordharshan (that time doordarshan was famous,,though we had that dish and few cable channels also but still we watched doordarshan). The serial “AAROHAN” was a story about three girls (if I remember correctly) who wanted to join defense. Out of those three,,,two were selected for navy & after many hardships,,they became officers. That was it,,,I made up my mind to join defense. After that whenever I watched any movie related to defence,,,I was more determined about my goal. After kargil war & then after watching L.O.C. kargil (the movie),,I was sure that was what I wanted to become. Though again I didn’t know what I had to become a defense personnel & neither I tried to know it :D

Again I got more involved in my course books & forgot about this. I became more interested in literature. Oh don’t think that I started reading novels & all. It’s was just that I really liked the poetry & prose of my Hindi text books. It was the time when I started taking part in essay competitions in school & I always stood first in them. My interest grew more & more and I started reading newspapers also. And that was it,,,I made up my mind to became a writer. And again I didn’t know what I had to become a writer & neither I tried to know it :D

It was the time when I was in 10th & everyone knew what they were going to do & yet again my mind was blank. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor,,well he also wanted me to be an KAS officer,,,a lawyer,,,but doctor was his first preference. So I made up my mind to make my dad’s dream come true. Now this time for a change I knew that I had to clear an entrance exam to become a doctor.

But since it wasn’t my heart’s calling so I wasn’t that determined, I studied but not exactly worked hard & as expected I wasn’t able to clear the entrance exam for medical though I cleared Engineering entrance,,,my parents encouraged me to take up that & I too wanted to do that,,,,so here am I an ENGINEER.

It was after joining engineer I realized that the writer within me hadn’t died yet,,,so I again started writing (this blog actually),,,& thanks to the months long agitation in Jammu,,,I cultivated reading habit also. Two years have passed & I have read more than 40 novels & written more than 100 posts. And now I know what I have to do to become a writer. But I just wanna write one or two novels so I’ll write that after I’ve earned much & learned much.
And again it was during engineering only I came to know that the dream of joining defense hadn’t died too. So I gave an army interview & luckily I was called for SSB interview. It was just two months back I went for the interview & it was damn clear to me that I wanna join army only. Though I wasn’t recommended but still the experience was awesome. After coming back from SSB I thought again if joining army is all I wanted to do but the answer wasn’t clear. So I focused on other plan,,,that was searching for job here in Jammu till result of 8th semester is out, i.e. till September & then going to Delhi for job search. But while concentrating towards this plan I realized that my heart wasn’t completely with me in this decision because whenever I saw that SSB group picture or other pictures in my cell or the experience I wrote in my diary or the book I followed for SSB,,,there was a kind of strange feeling,,a feeling as if I’m going away from something very dear to me,,,I know it’s very stupid to say that but that’s what I felt. Whenever I talked to my SSB friend’s this feeling emerged with a profound effect.

I thought again & now I have made up my mind to join army because I know I won’t be happy if I’ll do something else. I’ll submitted the form for technical entry & it’s gonna be a direct SSB this time also. No matter if I won’t get recommended this time too,,,I’ll try again,,,atleast I’ll be satisfied that I tried.

So here my future plan,,,staying in jammu & doing job here till I get call letter for SSB interview then after SSB shifting to Delhi for job search :)

P.S. anyone who has been through SSB can drop advices & tips for me here ;)

One more Engineer :P

2010-06-30T15:36:00.002+05:30

Hello friends,,,, so I’m back again.

I guess most of the times this is the starting line my my posts,,,,hmmmm,,,I really need to something about it.

Anyways ,,,,let me start,,,,hmmmm,,,,I was just going through the previous posts of my blog. Man!!!! What I’ve become,,,, philosopher ,,,spiritual guru or a confused personality,,,where’s the silly,,stupid yet simple & sweet vandana??? (well,,,,it feels nice to praise yourself,,,haven’t I told you this earlier :P )

So this posts is gonna be real simple,,,,,free from any mind swirling thoughts,,,,finally :)

Well,,,,it’s a great pleasure for me to tell you that now I’m an ~~worthless~~,,, ~~unemployed~~ ENGINEER

Oh yeah,,,,I’ve done it (though result of last semester is still pending)

There had been times when the integration,,,differentiation,,,,many stupid mathematical formula,,,,,working of transistors,,,mechanics,,,heat flow,,,programming flew over my head,

There had been times when I had just prepared four questions for my major exam,

There had been times,,,night before exams when I studied with the hope that exams should get postponed,

There had been times when I desperately wanted 40 marks,

There had been times when I was sure of flunking ,,,but I didn’t,

There had been times when I was sure of flunking & I did :)

88 minors,,,,44 majors,,3 supplementary exams,,, 88 assignments,,,don’t have the count of lab tests,,,,but finally it’s over,,,,,,phew!!!!

So what I’m upto now????

Well you have to wait for my next post for knowing that ;)

Go with the flow!!

2010-06-06T15:27:00.004+05:30

There are times when you are so confused about your life. You seek the answers & you fail to get them. Finally you gave up seeking answers & go with the flow. And then you realize that it’s the best thing to do,,,,just going with the flow.

Oh yeah,,,,if you are confused,,,you are in some problem & you don’t know what to do then just stop thinking & let your heart do whatever it wants to do. Let it fly freely ,,,,let it swim freely,,,let it run freely. I have been a great supporter of this ideology & recently I read something like this in a novel too. Oh yeah I still read novels. It has been ages since I’ve mentioned any novel in my blog,,,oh God how things change. Okay I’ll be back with details of novels I’ve read in the coming posts.

Anyways,,,this going with the flow,,,,I mean living in the present,,,not repenting over the past,,,not worrying about the future,,, is really great. It really changes your world. I’m following this & trust me,,,I’m so happy with my life now (though sometimes I face some strange kind of mood swings but that’s very rarely).

Also I’ve learned that it’s your life,,,whatever you’ll do will affect you only so make your decisions freely,,,stop worrying about what others will think,,,,stop thinking about what others will say,,,,it’s your life live it your way,,, at least you won’t regret that you didn't do that because of someone or you did this because of someone.

Nothing matters except :

LIVING IN THE PRESENT &

LIVING THE LIFE IN YOUR OWN WAY (without hurting anyone)

Oh god,,,I’m becoming philosopher,,,,hmmmm that happens when exams are around the corner & you still haven’t figured out how you are gonna get through them ;)

Is that all????

2010-05-16T23:38:00.000+05:30

So here I’m again,,,,,again at one more turn of life,,,,after learning many things & after implementing many more. Sometimes I wonder why I’m doing this or why I’m doing that???? I mean where would it ultimately lead me to??? Okay,,, wherever it leads me,,,,will all these things matter then????

Some mind swirling thoughts that have been an integral part of me always,,,,these are the thoughts that make me to see the screwed up side of me,,,the emptiness in me,,,no matter how busy I try to be,,,these thoughts emerge from nowhere & stand in front of me. I try to find the real meaning of “being me”,,, being a human actually or being in this world but again I find myself walking around a circle.[

I’m 22 years of age,,,soon I’ll be an unemployed,,,worthless engineer. No, I’m not saying that I’m a loser, perhaps I’ve more than anyone could have ever desired,,,so much happiness around me but then is this the real happiness????

Getting a well paid job,,,a perfect soulmate ,,,is that all????

I mean just think,,,,,is that everything we want??? Is that what we call life??? That’s what we are here for????

I think & think a lot about it & then after getting no answer ,,,I move on,,,I give up thinking. Again I chat,,,I talk,,, I party,,,but still this thought bothers me,,,,

“Is that all,,,I’m here for??????”

Confessions of a net addict

2010-04-20T13:28:00.000+05:30

You know what,,,,,whenever I enter this world of “Internet” everything else cease to exist for me. Then it’s just me & this amazing world of “world wide website”. This virtual world is so beautiful that I forget everything else,,,I’m just too lost in it. Just one click opens the world of people like me (bloggers),,,one more click & I get to know whatever I want to,,,one more click & even my friends from real world are connected to me,,,,yeah one click,,,just one click & I’m in heaven. My worries,,,my restlessness ,,,my emptiness everything vanishes when I enter this world. People don’t understand why I’m addicted to this world,,,they keep on asking me what’s there in this virtual world,,,but they don’t know,,,my life is here,,,, “world becomes a better place when I go online”

I can open my heart ,,speak up my mind,, share my problems ,,I can be myself here. This world attracts me towards itself like a magnet. I just love this world.

But like any other kind of addiction,,this addiction also has its side-effects.

Let me share my experience with you.

I was like so addicted to this virtual world that I actually stopped sharing my problems with people in person. I could only speak up my mind only when I used to come online,,,I just needed a friend to be online,,no matter who & I spit out my mind and till now I’m facing this problem,,or I just spit it here on my blog. I remember once I was upset & when my friend asked me the reason,,I was quiet,,,,and then he said, “okay,,,I’ll read it in your blog.” I have to pretend that everything is fine with me because I can just type my mind,,,I can’t speak it.

Absentmindedness is also a gift of this addiction. Most of the time I was busy in my virtual world,,,I had no time for anything else. This virtual world & things related to it kept my mind busy & I started ignoring this real world. Height of this absentmindedness is that I lost my cell,,,sometimes I forget to say what I wanted to,,,sometimes I forget very basic things like if I have taken lunch or not. Once I received a call & I was asked how my was friend ABC,,,I was like “………………..” for few seconds I kept thinking who is ABC & then I remembered ABC is one of my best friends.

I’m still very good with my friends but this virtual world has really affected my relation with my family. When I’m asked is my mom or dad or anyone in family home or not,,,most of the time I don’t know the answer. Once my best friend from school asked me about my cousin (who is my best friend since childhood),,,very casually I told her that he’s home because I thought so but then she told me that she talked to him moments before & he was out of station and I felt so ashamed of myself. On other occasion when my same friend asked me how my project work was going on,,,I asked who told her about that,,,she replied that my di told her that,,,I was taken aback,,,I never share anything with my di,,,how come she knew about my project??? On asking di,,,I got to know that she heard me talking about project with my friends on phone. To be very honest I never know what’s happening in life of my di,,,though she gives every detail at home. I never know what choti is upto,,,whether mom or granny is home or not,,,what time dad returns from office,,,I’ve absolutely no knowledge.

A strange thing happened when I bought a new pair of shoes & went to college wearing those shoes. My best friend said very casually, “ohhh so you are wearing aunty’s shoes???” I thought she was pulling my leg as I’m not very good at shopping & shoes I really hate so maybe my choice wasn’t good. I replied, “these I bought yesterday only,,,these are mine”. To that she replied, “But aunty has same pair of shoes.” I was like “……….” I came back home,,,asked mom to show me her shoes & guess what??? My mom had same pair of shoes. My best friend,,,who visits my home occasionally knew what pair of shoes my mom has & I,who live in same house,,don’t know,,strange???

I don’t remember when I talked to my mom last time,,,or to my granny or to my dad,,, of course when I need something I do ask but without reason I don’t talk to them. I don’t even talk properly to my sisters,,,I remember ,I always looked forward to meet my cousin but now a days I don’t even know when he comes & when he leaves home???

“I’m getting late for college”,,, “I won’t have breakfast”,,, “I won’t have lunch”,,,, “okay,,I’m just coming for dinner”,,,, “I need money”,,,, “some important work came up so I got late”,,,, “don’t disturb me”,,,, “don’t eat my brain”,,,, “I’m gonna slap you now” ,,,, “none of your business”,,,,I never use anything beyond these words at home.

Now if you are wondering how this addiction brought these changes in me,,,then let me tell you,,,these are not sudden changes,,,these are gradual changes. I was just going through my personal diary & I noticed,,,how often I used to mention in it what was going on in my family,,,slowly & slowly my blog took place of my family,,,then I started mentioning about my blog,,,then about my accounts in social networking sites,,,,then about my new blogger friends,,,,finally it was just me & my virtual world.

And hey,,it’s not the first time I’m writing about my addiction here,,,I’ve mentioned it many times before also. Many times I’ve tried to get de-addicted to internet & to some extent I’ve succeded,,,I’ve deleted or deactivated most of my accounts from social networking sites,,,now it’s just blogger & gmail that I use. Earlier when I tried to get de-addicted,,,I hadn’t thought of these side-effects,,,it was just days before when all these things came in my mind.

It has been seven months when my mamu was diagnosed with last stage of lung cancer & brain tumor. Things were very gloomy then. My mom being very emotional person,,,perhaps the most emotional person I’ve ever known,,,,cried her heart out for about days. But as they say time heals every wound so soon she accepted the truth. Since then she was telling me to visit him once,,,but I didn’t ,,,,I had some reasons but that’s a different issue. Only once I visited & that too I had to work on my seminar & my computer wasn’t working. Mom used to visit him twice or thrice a week. Last week,,,he got too serious,,,stopped talking,,,medicines stopped working ,,,he was in great pain. It had been three days since mom was there,,,but being in same house I didn’t know anything. Even dad visited everyday but I was unaware,,,I got to know about the matter when my granny told me that she’s gonna visit my mamu. I decided that I’ll visit him the next day but there was no next day,,,,,,,he left this world before I could visit him.

No matter how much my mom insisted me in past to visit her brother just once,,,,now she won’t ever mention that. In past one week I have seen my mom twice only,,,,and both times tears were accompanying her and trust me nothing can be worse than watching your mom like that. No matter how much I want to comfort her,,,I can’t because I’ll always have that guilt.

It feels better to have confessed everything here.

I’m really trying hard to bring some changes,,,but since these side-effects did not appear overnight so they won’t go overnight,,,,I’ve to work hard to start living in the real world,,,,no matter how beautiful this virtual world appears to me.

Guilty or innocent tag!!!

2010-04-12T13:11:00.003+05:30

First of all, thanks to chanz and then to eko for tagging me. i love such tags

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

Asked someone to marry you? Innocent

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent

Ever told a lie? Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty

Kissed a picture? Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM? Innocent

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty

Held a snake? Guilty

Been suspended from school? Innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent

Stolen from a store? Innocent

Been fired from a job? Innocent

Done something you regret? Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent

Kissed in the rain? Innocent

Sat on a roof top? Guilty

Kissed someone you shouldn't? Innocent

Sang in the shower? Guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Guilty

Shaved your head? Innocent

Had a boxing membership? Innocent

Made a boyfriend cry? Innocent

Been in a band? Innocent

Shot a gun? Innocent

Donated Blood? Innocent

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent

Eaten cheesecake? Innocent

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty

Been too honest? Guilty

Ruined a surprise? Innocent

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? Guilty

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent
Joined a pageant? Innocent

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty

Had communication with your ex? Innocent
Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty

It was fun...! loved answering all the questions...!
Thank you again chanz & eko

I would like to tag the following bloggers:
1. funkyrave
2. surbhit
3. tomz
4. G
5. jauntyanima
6. kedar
7. rahil

Life is beautiful!!!

2010-03-28T18:04:00.000+05:30

“Hey what happened??? You guys don’t seem well”

“hmmmmm,,,,,you know we broke up & I can’t forget him/her. He/she was my life. I don’t feel like living now”

“He/she never understands me. I love him/her a lot but still………. Life is a hell for me. Why this happens with me only”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do in my life. Things are so complex for me. I don’t know anything about my career. I’m totally screwed up.”

“By the way, you are also not fine, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing like you guys. Life is bliss for me. I’ve been blessed with so many amazing people around me,,,who love & care about me. It’s just that I don’t know how to love & care them equally or maybe I do but then why are they still unhappy about something’s & I don’t know how to cheer them up. I try a lot but their problems don’t get out of their head. I won’t be with them throughout my life so I want whatever little time we spend together should be the happiest period of our lives but things are not that way. I wish I could do something that would remove these problems but I fail. I don’t understand why people fail to see the beauty of life. I don’t understand why people keep thinking about past when a wonderful present is before them,,why they keep on worrying about future when so many beautiful things about present are yet to be explored,,life is beautiful but people don’t value it,,,,,,,this thing is bothering me”

MY DOLL

2010-03-23T18:38:00.004+05:30

“So now you can go alone na??”

But she didn’t reply & stepped in bus.

I waited for her to look back,,but she didn't. Though she seemed to be confident & matured enough to go alone still I was worried. I felt like I should go with her but that would have irritated her & since it was her exam so I didn’t want her be in that mood & I let her go alone.

I think it was the first time I ever let her go alone anywhere since the time she was born.

It was the month of January,,,dark cold night & as usual mom put me to bed early,,,I was just 5 years old then. I remember that was the time when I only dreamed about fairylands,,,chocolate houses,,,ice cream rivers,,,I really had this weird imagination,,,sometimes I even saw dragons & all,,,actually I was a ALICE lost IN my WONDERLAND.

I was in deep slumber when a weird dream woke me up. My eyes were still closed,,I ran my hand across the bed to spot mom but I didn’t spot her,,,,I spotted something else,,,,soft,,,really soft,,,something smooth,,,smooth as silk & I became unsure as it was a dream or reality. I lift the quilt,,sat up & I realized everyone was awake. Someone switched on the light & I saw a little feeble & helpless creature lying on bed. My eyes widened in bewilderment ,,,I opened my mouth to ask something but I shut it again & I looked at that thing again. I traced her face with my fingers,,,so soft it felt. Her eyes were closed & she was so relaxed & so calm. Till then I hadn’t seen such a marvelous thing in my life,,,,and I started liking her then & there only. Her hands were clenched in tight fists,,,I tried to open it,,very carefully as she seemed to be so fragile,,,but then voice of my granny startled me “Be careful with her,,,,she’s your little sister”,,,,,,,,,,my little sister,,,,,,,,,these words were revolving in my mind,,,,there were thousands of questions I wanted to ask then but I was too busy with my little doll,,,a real doll. Marveling her softness,,,smoothness,,,calmness,,,,I felt asleep & I never asked any question as I was too happy,,,to glad to have a real doll.

Next day,,,I was telling everyone in school that “hey I’ve a little sister now”,,,I remember I told that to my teacher also & she replied sweetly “I know vandana” & I was like “how does she know?? Mom didn’t tell me,,,how could she tell my ma’m”. I told that to mom angrily & mom told that to my teacher. That teacher used to mock me over this thing till the time I left school,,,even now whenever she meets my mom,,,she cracks this joke,,,so embarrassing I tell you :(

My doll grew up before me. I remember the day she joined the school. My cousin, my di & I left her in the class & she was holding back her tears,,,even I was holding back mine,,,di was always the strongest. Just as we left,,,she started crying. I came to my class & I could see her with other children in the playground. She was still crying,,,,I wanted to go out of the class but I couldn’t. She started crying even louder,,,and it became harder to control myself,,,,but she wasn’t going to stop. And then her teacher scolded her & she stopped and I felt like a volcano just erupted in me,, “how dare that bitch,,scolded my doll like that” I wanted to run out of the class to wipe tears of my doll,,,to comfort her but I had to wait. I waited & when class was over I ran to her,,,she was back in her class,,,smiling & talking to children around her so I stepped back. And I remember I never ever talked to the teacher who scolded my doll.

And I don’t remember after that I ever saw tears in eyes of my doll except for the time when di taught her during initial years of her school,,,but that time I had to control myself as it was di :P

There is one more time when she was learning to drive scooty,,,she fell from it & injured herself. Dad scolded her & she started weeping,,,that was the first time dad ever scolded her,,,dad didn’t scold her even when she stole money from his pocket,,,,well she often does that,,,that’s no problem with dad but this time dad scolded her,,,she was injured still dad scolded her & she was weeping like anything. I couldn’t control myself & told dad, “How dare you say anything to her??” I literally shouted at my dad but he was quite,,mom,,granny no one scolded me back. Then mom came to me & said, “You know it hurts your dad to see her hurt. He just wanted her to be safe” and my reply was, “treat her like a princess,,she deserves that,,okay??” . I still say that,,whenever she steals money,,,buy extra clothes,,,junk jewelry or anything,,,my response is always the same “let her live like a princess” & mom says, “and she’ll turn us to beggars”;)

No doubt she has grown up but I’m still scared as if she can face this world alone,,,but when she left me without even looking back,,I thought maybe she is not my little doll anymore,,,she has really grown up,,,,grown up to be a princess…

P.S. she’s a rascal & freaks the hell out of me,,, imitating my voice when I’m on phone,,,paints my face when I’m sleeping,,,calls me stupid names,,,,and other thousand things that irritate me like anything but I can never forget that she was my favorite doll & I don’t remember I ever played with any doll after I got her. Wanna say “Muniya,,,,you are my doll,,,,my princess & I wish you get all the happiness of this world”

P.S. 2 I’m not ever gonna tell her that I wrote this for her because then she’ll be dancing on my head always,,,already she never gets off my head

P.S. 3 I've got one more award from JAUNTY

And I'm forwarding this award to Sepo, Surbhit (devil), Eksha, Funkyrave & Tomz

Much awaited 100 :D

2010-03-13T21:06:00.009+05:30

(100th post special)

I remember,,,when I was a kid,,I was crazy about cricket,,I’ve grown up watching sachin’s 19^th century,,20^th century and so on.

Perhaps, I was the only girl in my class who had so much knowledge about players & statistics. Dad always considered me as his son,,not daughter,,,so whenever he watched any cricket match,,,he made it sure that I was with him,,,he still invites me to watch matches with him,,,but things have changed now,,,,, my interests have changed,,,I've lost interest in cricket.

Today,,,when I came back home,,,I heard Dad telling Bade papa, “hey let’s watch IPL” but Bade Papa wasn’t interested. I felt like watching match with Dad for old times’ sake but then I got busy with my cellphone and net.

And then I got a friend online & when he mentioned this IPL,,,, my first reaction was

“I find this eyeee peeeee eeellllll quite boring”

True,,I mean I can’t figure out which team to support???

I like KINGS XI ,,,,I mean it’s about Punjab & all so…

Plus it has Irfan pathan,,,yeah,,,once I was crazy for him,,,I had this big poster of him in my room,,I still have a collage of him,,,cuttings of his interviews & all,,,,and I was really heartbroken when I got to know about his love :(

*sigh*

Anyways life goes on……

So my friend,,IPL fan,,, was very much interested & I got to know from him that it’s a match between MUMBAI INDIANS & RAJISTHAN ROYALS

Experts from that chat:

Two overs remaining

7 balls 13 runs

12 runs 6 balls

I was still not interested

Run out appeal,,,,I was bit interested

12 runs 4 balls

I got more interested

Sachin is the captian of MI

And I was all interested in it,,,Sachin has always been a hero for me

11 runs 4 balls,,,Malinga on hattrick

Who’s Malinga by the way???? Still I was interested

11 runs 3 balls

Biting my nails

Run out appeal

Should be a run out

Not out

shit

9 runs 2 balls

Oh my god

Wide ball

Oh shit

8 runs 2 balls

No nails left now

6 from one

Ma-lin-ga,,,ma-lin-ga,,,,still don’t know who’s this Malinga????

Final ball

Heart pounding so fast

It’s a single,,,,,you win

Yeah yippee

This should be a blog post,,,, how i commented to get ur interest in the eyeeee peeee elllll

And it is :P

Last post was my 99^th post & ever since I published that I was thinking,,,what I’m gonna write in my 100^th post,,,it should be special,,,and hey what can make it special then cricket itself,,,with sachin breaking all records & making first ever 200 in ODI history,,,I’ve ended up writing about cricket in my 100^th post,,,no doubt I’ve lost interest in it but maybe with this friend of mine rekindling that spark again,,,I’ll be interested again,,,,well,,,,let’s wait & watch.

P.S. when I started this blog,,I never thought I’ll go this far but all thanks to you guys who follow my blog & comment on it & also to those who read it but don’t comment,,,,I really get encouragement from you guys,,,THANKS TO ALL OF YOU

RESTLESS!!!!

2010-03-03T15:47:00.002+05:30

Finally I’m here,,,,,,,after loads of arguments with myself. Still I’m not sure if I should be here or not. I mean I’m still restless & I know scribbling anything here now would mean nothing. No one will understand. But then,,,,,,,,since when I started caring about what others think????

Anyways I’m here with my restless mind & its restless thoughts. It has been a month since I’m quite disturbed,,,,,,,,,,why,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I don’t know????

I haven’t shared this with anyone ,,,just because I know that my mind works on a different frequency & it has never been easy for me to explain things to others. Moreover, since I don’t know the exact reason so it’s better to keep this restless to me rather than to transfer it to others.

I tried hell lot of ways to get this out of me,,,,but nothing works.

I also deleted my accounts from all social networking sites.

I don’t even now find peace in novels. I try to read but I can’t.

I haven’t written a post for my blog for past two weeks.

No orkut,,no facebook,,,no novels,,,no blogging,,,,,these were like drugs to me but I’m living without them. Something is wrong I know but can’t figure it out.

Out of so many ways I’ve tried,,the only one that gives me peace is to be alone. I like remaining alone at home,,,answering calls & sending messages is ok but facing people is something I don’t like. Because somewhere my restlessness shows up then & since I don’t know the reason behind that so I prefer to be alone.

The reason can’t be college as I’m like this before the starting of college,,,,not friends actually,,,then what???? I don’t know. At times I feel like crying my heart out,,,,but it is stupid as I don’t have any reason. I see people around who have their sad love stories,,,bf/gf problem,,,friends problem,,,future problem,,,,,and I find them lucky,,,,they at least know what solution they are seeking & here am I,,,,without any definite problem & hence without any definite solution.

The Chinese tag!!

2010-02-14T12:04:00.004+05:30

This is the first time I’m tagged this way,,,thanks sepo. So here I go………

8 TV shows/News Channels I like to watch

I just love shows of star world, travel & living, Disney channel, MTV but my favorite are

1. FRIENDS (I just can’t get enough of this show)
2. Nigella feasts (actually most of the shows of Travel & living)
3. according to Jim
4. Mr beans
5. RODIES
6. Shin Chan
7. Hannah Montanna
8. Foodie

8 Places to eat and dine

1. Kwality Food Point
2. Hot Billions
3. Casino
4. Spice food court
5. Barista
6. CCD
7. Sain
8. Dominos

8Things I Look Forward To

1. Blogging
2. Shopping sprees
3. Novels
4. Birthdays
5. Trips
6. Holidays
7. Spotting a dashing Sardar
8. Meeting my cousin

8 Things That Happened Yesterday

1. Lot of messaging (85 I send)
2. Lot of surfing (spend two hours on net,,which is a lot as per my new standard)
3. Discovered Buzz in gmail,,,it’s good
4. Read few more pages of The Fountainhead
5. Helped mom with her work
6. Made first call through my new phone & new connection
7. Wrote few more lines of my new story
8. Laughed a lot

8 Things I love about winter

1. No skin problems
2. No need to bath daily :P
3. Sweaters make you look fatter
4. You can sleep more without caring for damn power cuts
5. Bright sunlight
6. Dried leaves scattered everywhere
7. Cozy feel of quilt
8. Coffee,,,,hot

8 Things on my Wish-list (this is part of my post 20 things to do before I die)

1)Before I die, I wanna visit Harminder sahib (golden temple), Amritsar. I have a strong desire to go there. I just hope that soon I’ll go there.
2) I wanna spend few hours in the room where I was born at our home in Kashmir. Hope that that room will remain there as such till I visit it & of course our home also.
3) I wanna taste all that cuisines of the world that I have cherished on TV.
4) I wanna go on world tour & visit some of my favorite places that I have seen only on TV which includes Switzerland, Japan, UK, USA,etc. Hmmmmmmmmm quite big dreams!!
5) I wanna see the Seven Wonders of the World
6) I wanna go on a tour of India & visit all the historical monuments & other great places.
7) Before I die, I wanna attend the marriage ceremonies of all my friends so that they’ll have my photo in their marriage album & whenever they’ll see that they’ll remember me. This wish aroused in me when I got a sms from a friend of mine .
8) Before I’ll die, I wanna confess few things before few people.

8 Things I am Passionate about

1. Writing
2. Blogging
3. Novels
4. being perfect in my work
5. Helping my friends
6. Thinking about things
7. Giving advices :D
8. Being a rajput in true sense

8 Words/Phrases I often use

1. Oh yeah
2. yippee
3. Crap
4. Jithe de khoti uthe aaye kadoti(in pure Dogri)
5. Bandari(only at home that too for my sis)
6. sahi hai
7. kamino
8. WTF

8 Things I learnt from the past

1. Keep your secrets to yourself
2. Don’t let others know what your weak points are.
3. Do good but don’t expect good in return
4. Don’t depend on others for anything,,be it emotional support or anything else
5. If you don’t want someone to go away from you then don’t ever tell this to him/her.
6. duniya mein kitna gum hai, mera gum kitna kum hai,,,,so just be happy
7. I’m the best,,take it or leave it,,,have this attitude,,,don’t ever think that you are less than anyone else
8. Life is too short,,,so live life kingsize.

8 Places I would like to go /Visit

1. Golden temple, Amritsar
2. Assam
3. Kerala
4. Switzerland
5. Malaysia
6. Greece
7. New York
8. leh

8 Things I currently need/want

1. Peace of mind
2. 950bucks
3. Notes to myself by Hugh Prather
4. The Godfather
5. 10 seasons of FRIENDS
6. New Moon, movie
7. Call from army
8. Digi-Cam

8 Blogging Buddies I want to Tag

1. Jaunty
2. rahil
3. happybirdie
4. vivek
5. G
6. tomz
7. funkyrave
8. raghav (a new blogger,,,do check his blog)

How easy is to move on after a breakup??

2010-02-08T12:13:00.006+05:30

(Valentine's day special)

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, you’ll find Valentine’s fever everywhere. Gift shops are loaded with Valentine’s gifts/whatever. As my friend has mentioned in her blog, these gifts will only bug you if you know that you are not gonna get any of these. True. Now people who have never been in any such relation before will just be a little upset but story is entirely different for people who were once in a relationship or who have faced rejection.

Yeah you guessed it right. I was just wondering how easy is to move on???

After huge success (I know I’m exaggerating) of my post what does being in love means?? ,, I’m back with its sequel. Now once you are in love( no matter which case of my above said post you are), then two cases arise,,either you carry on it with that Happily-ever-after ending or if you are not that lucky,,,then break up,,, what else,,, now again two cases arise.

CASE 1:

You get into a relation just for the heck of being in a relationship as you are all that hot & happening person & being single despite of being equipped with everything is just not cool. So you purpose any random guy/gal of your match,,equally hot & happening,,go on dating & all. But then you feel, he/she is imposing restrictions on you or is being too possessive, etc. so you just dump him/her.

In such a case, breakup just means a new happening relation & moving on is a cake walk.

CASE 2:

If you are all deeply & emotionally attached to a person or I can say it’s so called true love, then moving on is real tough journey. Anything related to him/her reminds you of him/her, no matter how insignificant that thing maybe. His favorite sport/ her favorite color, his favorite bike/ her favorite novel, his favorite song/ her favorite movie, once he said this/ once she told you that,,,I mean absolutely anything that links with him/her.

Not only breakups but rejection can also cause this to you. Some people are really afraid of commitment. Even if they have something for you in their heart, they won’t admit, so they’ll give you any vague reason & tell you to move on. You really need to be like Monica Gellar to get a yes from your Chandler Being,,but not everyone can be like Monica & not everyone is Chandler.

In any case you can’t completely erase his/her memories,, you can only wait till they fade away & cease to be a cause of your pain.

But yeah,,it’s always better try absolutely anything that can keep you away from his/her memories than to keep sulking. Moving on is the way to life,,,so try to move on.

P.S. Food, fun,friendship & more on my new blog DIVINE SECRETS OF SEPO-VANDY SISTERHOOD :D,,,,check it out.

How I'm gonna leave this place???

2010-02-01T10:44:00.002+05:30

Last exam,,,it’s entirely different. It means you’ll be free soon,,,free to carry out your plans,,,movies,,shopping,,food,,blogs,,novels,,,and a zillion things.

Today was my last exam,I wasn’t thinking much about the course,,which BTW was Industrial Management,my mind was occupied with my after-exams plans that I had made during my exams & now after this exam,,this last exam,,hey,,hang on for a minute,,did I say last??? Oh yeah last.

My last exam of 7^th semester,,rather my last day of 7^th semester,,my 8^th semester will start soon,,last semester,,,LAST,,this mere word sends a shiver down my spine. LAST,,,it’s gonna be over soon….

As I was struggling to get out of these thoughts,,I crossed college gate & then my mind drifted to the time when I first crossed this gate….

It was August of 2006,,when I came here for the first time with my cousin to see the campus. It was evening & the college was deserted except for gatekeepers. The bike crossed the gate & I saw a road, having no idea where it was leading to. I really liked the campus.

Then after a month,on 28^th september,I came again for my first day of first semester. Like other freshers, I was so damn scared,,yeah,,scared of ragging, so much so that I brought my mom with me (I laugh now whenever I remember that, it’s a secret , I haven’t told anyone), but the gatekeepers didn’t allow her in saying, “after a year you’ll be a senior & you’ll forget this time.” So true, a year passed & I became a senior myself ready for taking ragging.

Initially it was a whole new world for me but then I made friends & I began to love this place. During these three & a half years, I’ve learned so many things here,,, perhaps I should publish that in some paper,,but for now I’m publishing it here

There are actually many kinds of calculators, not just 8digits & 10digits(what a moron I was to think so). BTW the one I used in my engineering was fx991MS

You have to use more than one type of pencil for making engineering drawings (that includes plans for buildings, etc also). Not color pencils, pencils having different shades of grey 2H, 3H,4H,,,,what the H-eck??

It is more adventurous to go to college through green fields,,struggling to get your scooty out of buffaloes than to follow normal way.

You can earn money quite easily, just by adding few bucks to actual fees before asking for it and of ccourse,,by selling your old books without telling your parents,,,books,,afterall are our best friends.

Chips & cold drinks of college canteen are yummier than anywhere else on the world.

You won’t die with 12 A current. Relief for me.

It isn’t less challenging than a ROADIES task to search for an alternate way to get out of college when principal is after you. BTW don’t ever hide in library or net lab after a mass bunk or bunk, your chances of being caught increases.

Having different types of vendors in your class is fun,,golgappe valas, steel valas,etc.

Chalk pelting on teachers can cost you one attendance or even more so beware.

A single hoot in class means a whole semester of scolding,, if that hoot is in the class of a teacher who happens to be topper in her college days & head girl in school days, that too of a convent

No matter if you occupy highest position in faculty, if you can’t give relevant examples,just stuff it & please don’t piss off students with your irrelevant examples

Maximum marks means minimum friends,,that’s why I’m always complacent with my optimum marks

Not just these there are many more things the list is just endless, but I’m gonna stop here only.

Getting into this college was never my aim. I never wanted to be in this college in the first place but now I don’t want to leave this college.

Three and a half years ago, I didn’t know where that way was leading to but today I was sure where it was leading…..

……it was leading to a treasure box filled with a zillion sweet memories that will never cease to bring smile & tears on my face,,,,,,a zillion memories that I’ll retain throughout my life.

P.S. I've started another blog with my friend sepo,,check it out DIVINE SECRECTS OF SEPO-VANDY SISTERHOOD :D

D for De-addicted :D

2010-01-22T19:45:00.003+05:30

(yeah I'm really gonna complete my A B C D...)

Exam time (I’m not telling you again, it’s just a way to remind myself), so I’m trying hard to get de-addicted to internet. The day I got access to this world of WORLD WIDE WEB, it became an integral part of my life,,a basic necessity . Roti, kapda, makan & internet ;)

I guess it’s not just my story; it’s the story of millions of people out there. Surveys that were made on those million people were published in an article in a local newspaper & I got to know many interesting things from it.

According to one survey, college students spend an average of 433 minutes a week online. The maximum time spend online was 580 minutes & it was by older people. That means, if I wanna fall in former category (which is actually my category), I need to reduce time spend online or simply, I have to accept that I belong to later category :D

According to that article, the first time users use internet mainly for email, chat & IM & the next round of growth would be driven by applications like blogs, online radio, video-on-demand,P2P(I don’t know what’s it??), online gaming , etc. That means I’ve grown up as an internet user because there wasn’t any further categorization ;)

According to a study, there’s a decrease in social activities by 15% for people who use internet 10hours/week. But I guess I’m quite socially active, partying & shopping with friends,,so no decrease for me :P

Another study says that internet users spend much less time of talking on phone to friends & family. The decrease is almost about 25%. Now this was shocking for me as using internet has actually increased the same thing for me. As soon as my friend publishes a blog, she calls me & we just keep on discussing about blogs,, almost every day.

So I can just conclude, after going through these surveys & studies, that internet hasn’t affected me in a bad way.

So should I really need to get de-addicted????

If you are an engineer

2010-01-18T20:31:00.002+05:30

New semester starts & you forgot about the previous one until your result is out. Either you just manage to clear it or worse, you are flunked, whatever the case maybe, you make a promise to yourself that this time you are gonna work really hard. This is not the first time you are making this promise you are doing this for the past three years. Now since it’s your last year so you have just a last chance to improve your aggregate percentage/GPA, different names for a common misery. So you promise this time you will start working hard from the start of semester. After all toppers are like you, they are not special,you can top also ,you are intelligent, yeah that’s the spirit & you are just packed with it.

Days pass & you forget about your promise. Then come the minors, you think just minors; you’ll study in majors so you don’t study. They say time just flies away when you are having good time. Then come the majors. You think you’ll really work hard now. You open your book, see the syllabus & go WTF!!!

This can’t be done in 4-5 days,still you start, thinking that you’ll complete whole syllabus. But then suddenly you find cartoons very interesting so you think to take a break & go to watch cartoons, then again open your book. Suddenly you find you have to check your mail, again 3 hours wasted. Then an urge to watch movie arises, so book shut again. In exam days, you really find everything interesting in these days (even saas bahu serials) except your books. Now just two days left & you go f*** the whole syllabus. You make an analysis how you can attempt 100marks, oh yeah, you are really good in making analysis, so you concentrate on only those topics. Again you are distracted by phone calls, by this time creatures of your kind become active. You try to calm them but inside you yourself are freaking out. More time wasted, so you think f*** 100, you’ll just prepare for 80. But more phone calls, more time wasted, you think just 60,,,& finally you think f*** 60,,,you just need passing marks,,,just 40.

Yeah, 40marks that’s what we engineers live for :P

My new blog!!!

2010-01-18T10:47:00.002+05:30

Friends presenting my all new blog to you:

“NOSTALGIA” – a collection of short stories

As the name says, it is a collection of short stories. Hope you relish my stories

P.S. I haven’t read much short stories except that were part of my course so I don’t have much knowledge about them. Hence, your suggestions to improve my blog will be always welcomed.

TIME'S UP!!!!

2010-01-15T16:44:00.003+05:30

Given a chance to leave chatting, blogging, using net I mean, listening music, playing games & a zillion things that we do on computer rather than to learn about the working of that particular computer & zillion things embedded in it,,,,I’m sure nobody will take a nanosecond to leave the computer,,of course for a certain time limit,,,,I mean just c’mon leaving computer for a life time isn’t possible.

But unluckily, I wasn’t given that choice so I had to do that mind swirling struggle with “Microprocessor 8086”. Yeah still 8086 & not core2duo,,, why??? “because you need to learn basics before you reach there” that’s what teacher reply. But then why in the first place I’ve to know about processors??? I’m an electronics engineer not a computer engineer. To this you’ll get reply like, “you ought to know the basics about all the engineering branches”

Anyway, since this course was in my syllabus, so I had to do it & I did. How??? Don’t ask.

So after being more or less prepared for the exam, I went to college. It was my first major for this semester (7^th semester, second last semester). The first thing I do after reaching college during exam days is to check who’s in my vicinity in examination hall because in most of the cases, the sitting plan isn’t according to the roll no. Now that’s a real problem as the students having consecutive rollno’s share a symbiotic relationship. They know each other quite well,,not their nature, likings, disliking etc , but their M.Q. (mugging quotient),, yeah M.Q. not I.Q.,,,,,c’mon it’s engineering college, you can’t judge people with their I.Q.’s ,,it’s only M.Q. here.

The curiosity vanished in less than a picosecond when I got to know that before me was a guy with whom I recently had a tiff so he’s of no use to me,,,to my right was a guy who was two years senior to me but in now in same class,,,to my left a window,,,wtf,, now this window could have been a life saver for some but not for me it was of no use,,beside me was a passed out student. Now the two diagonals to my right were still a hope & the hope was retained when I got to know that my friend was sitting on the back diagonal. The front diagonal was still empty.

I got the answer booklet & question paper. After reading the paper, I was like WTF man!!! In such conditions, you find yourself too close to God. Even I was praying, “God, just 40 marks, just 40. It’s 7^th semester I don’t want any backlog. Please God please.” Once you enter engineering college, all you pray for is 40 marks or whatever are the passing marks (toppers excluded), it also doesn’t matter if once you were topper in school. Now seriously, some study should be done to know what happens to the brain of students when they enter engineering college.

Back to question paper,,I made an analysis. I could attempt 65 marks, 15 my friend will help,,20 I’m surely gonna leave. So I concentrated on 65 marks. Just then I noticed that the front diagonal guy (my weird terminology) had arrived & it was none other than a famous passed out who was visible in all regular & supplementary exams & every time he was caught with his “purjis”. I guess this time he hadn’t got any stuff with him so he was kind of restless,,,looking here, there everywhere,,,trying to snoop into other’s paper. A teacher on duty pointed him & came to him. She said, “Just meditate. Concentrate on your paper, you’ll remember all the answers” to which he replied, “that’s exactly what I’m doing for the past 6 years & still I’m here. I’m gonna get married in next 6 months, so please let me do something otherwise what I’m gonna tell her” & we all burst into laughter.

Nice break.

Again I started concentrating on my paper. After every 15 minutes, superintendent was repeating in her peculiar accent, “I'm repeating again & again, I won’t allow anyone to go to loo , so please don’t ask.”

Ignoring this, I kept on writing. 65 marks done. I tilted my head, asked my friend to tell that question of 15 marks. She said two minutes & after two minutes superintendent said, “TIME’S UP”

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2009-12-31T13:33:00.004+05:30

So yet another year is about to end. I don’t know about others but this year was full of happenings for me. Every single moment was a sort of adventure. A hell lot of significant & insignificant things happened that changed my life to a great extent. Finally I got to know how to judge people, though I know I can still be wrong. Nevertheless, everything was a great experience.

I laughed, I cried, I talked, I listened, I read (novels not my course books), I wrote (posts for my blog), I participated, I organized, I had treats, I gave treats, I left stones, I took gems, I taught, I learned, I lost some things but I won yet another battle with life.

So leaving all the bitter memories behind & taking all the sweet memories, I’m all ready to enter 2010. As it’s a ritual for me to make resolutions for every year though every year my resolutions are almost same, here are my resolutions for 2010:

1) 1) This year will be my last year in college rather last semester in college, so I’m gonna enjoy to fullest, more than I enjoyed this year. More picnics, more trips, more parties, more bunks, and more time in canteen.

2) 2) I’m gonna read all of Paulo Coelho’s novels this year. I have already read 4 of his novels.

3) 3) I’ll use spectacles most of the time when I’m at home.

4) 4) I’ll try not to say no to anyone whosoever asks for my help in college (though I still do the same) as this is my last year in college :(

5) 5) I’ll start my novel this year. No more delay.

Hope I act upon these resolutions.

P.S. wishing all my friends & readers a very happy & prosperous new year. May this year bring loads of happiness in your life.

C for carelessness!!

2009-12-24T21:55:00.007+05:30

(I'm back with my A,B,C,,,,,,A for assignments, B for busy and now C for carelessness)

Scene 1

At home

9 a.m. (note my college starts at 9:30a.m. & it’s about 5 kilometers away from my place & it takes near about 1hour to reach there,,all thanks to ultra slow transport to that route)

Me (yelling): “Mom, where’s my book/assignment file/novel/dupatta/sweater/chappal/spectacles/anything else? I can’t find it. I have told you 100 & one time not to touch my stuff”

Mom (cool as always): “As if this mess looks so good”

Me (still shrieking):“Good or bad, I don’t care but please never touch any of my stuff again, you got it?”

Mom (still so cool): “I didn’t touch anything,,,everything is as you left it, check carefully you’ll find it”

Me (even louder):“Do you think I’m lying,,,I really can’t find it”

Mom enters the room, just picks up few things & ah ha,,,,here’s what I was searching for.

She gives a dirty look & I just grin meekly.

This scene repeats almost every morning.

Scene 2:

At College

Any of my friend (shouting after me): “Vandy, where’s your bag/spectacles/assignment/any other thing?”

Me (puzzled): “I don’t remember,I guess I forget where I have left that,,have you seen it?”

That same friend (giving a dirty look): “yes of course, it’s here. You are so careless”

Scene 3:

On my way to college

Suddenly I remember that I forget to bring assignment/some other stuff ,, so I pick up my cell & call choti

Me: “yaar I forgot to bring my assignment/some other stuff. So please come with that,,I’m waiting”

Choti: “why you always forget your stuff at home?”

Why? Why? Why?

Not these only there are about a thousand such examples. The best one that I haven’t mentioned above is how I lost my phone.

I always forget many things & I don’t know exactly if it is carelessness or absent mindedness. I guess this is not my problem only,,,many other suffer from this. Now the question that arise here is,,,,why people are so careless???

Once I read it somewhere that the people who are too happy tend to be more careless as they are always lost in their own world. Now the same can be true for people who are not so happy,,,,or I can say too sad that they don’t see anything important around them & hence are absentminded. In the same book it was written for players that their minds are in skies & their hearts are in their boots so they often forget their stuff in trains or planes or whichever transport they are availing.

Now in my case,,,I guess nothing fits well,,,as I’m neither the happiest person of this world nor the saddest. I’m not even a player or anything like that but still I’m absent minded or careless whatever you call it,,,so there has to be some other theory. But then there’ll be a million absent minded & careless people like me for whom the above theory fails so there has to be some theory for people like us.

Ya there’s one,,,,may be all of the last group,that includes me also,consider ourselves as Alice who’s lost in her wonderland & that’s why we really are lost & wondering why we are so careless & absentminded?

P.S. does it make any sense?

P.S. 2 : One of my friend has also started blogging,,,the link to her blog is RENDEZVOUS. Do check it out.

EMPTINESS!!!!!

2009-12-19T20:00:00.004+05:30

You get up in the morning,,,get ready for college,,,,as soon as you step inside college,,,some restless creatures surround you & you get busy in answering their queries & helping them,,,no matter what they want,,,you are there with a solution. This day,,,is again a busy day,,,as always,,,,,then after you come back to home straight,,,, or have a party(which you do most of the time),,,ofcourse you don’t need any reason for that,,,you party anywhere or anytime you want,,,then back to home,,,,again busy in attending calls,,,answering queries ,,,helping friends. If free from cell,,,then busy on net,,,mailing stuff to friends,,,because they need it & therefore you have to send,,,,if idle on net,,,then putting pics on Facebook,,,taking quizzes,,,commenting,,,updating status,,for no reason of course. If free from net & cell,,,then reading novels,,,trying to identify yourself with some character of the novel & in most of the cases you really find a character like you. Finally,,,nothing left to do & by this time you are too tired,,,so as soon as you get in bed,,you are in deep slumber.

But…………

Still you get time to get lost,,,,,even if you are in a crowd,,,,,or partying with friends,,,,or reading a novel. Lost,,,,,,where,,,why,,,,,you don’t have an answer!!!

Lost,,,,maybe,,,because,,,,that emptiness in your life is visible to you,,,,no matter how hard you try to escape from that emptiness. It comes & stands in front of you to let you know,,,,how meaningless is your life,,,,,and,,,once again you start to wonder,,,,,where is that real essence of life????

P.S. This post may have many mistakes,,,so help yourself & try to understand ;)

silly sweet moments!!!

2009-12-07T19:56:00.015+05:30

No words..........

P.S. some patterns,,designs,,whatever were copied but the people are genuine & I've full authority to publish these pics of them,,,so do you like the pics???

DADDY'S STRONG BOY!!!!

2009-11-25T22:56:00.009+05:30

7am:

Mom (removing blanket from my face then hugging & kissing me): happy birthday

Me(hugging back): thank you, mommy(this is what I call my mom,,,when the love for her is irrupting in me)

…

………

……………….

……………………………

7pm (12 hours later):

Mom: you come so late & you never really bother to inform at home. You are not even scared to come back so late,,,you should inform atleast,,,,,,,,blah blah blah

I,,,really not caring what she’s saying,,,went to wash my face,,,came back. Well I really feel like laughing whenever mom starts scolding me,,,it doesn’t suit her,,,she can’t be like other strict mom’s ,,,,never,,no matter how hard she tries.

Me: you didn’t come there,,,I was waiting,,,I even gave missed calls

Mom(giving a dirty look & I suppressing a laugh): you gave missed call just few moments ago. Now take your dad with you,,,,I’m busy

Out of all the permutations & combinations of parents God has made,,,I’ve got the most peculiar one. Mom,,being the sweetest person of this world & dad,,,being roughest person ever born on this earth. Mom doesn’t even know how to scold,,,,well,,,whatever little she has learnt,,is the gift of the strict mom’s present in her vicinity. She’s so loving,,,so caring & so sweet. If I would have her only,,,,I would have been still a five year old kid,,,,not at all matured. Now coming to dad,,,,,he’s a strange kind of person,,,one of his kind,,,,not giving a damn to what other says,,&,,emotionless,,,,if this is the right word I can use.

Back to scene:

Dad,,,,like me,,,,not listening to this silly conversation,,,,,busy in watching tv.

Me: ok let’s go papa.

Dad: wait for two minutes

Like the little kids do while waiting,,,I started exploring my surroundings.

Ah ha,,,,,,,New electrical equipment. Great,,,,so lemme just show my engineering skills,,,so what if I’m an electronics engineer,,,,I know so much about electrical engineering,,,so I started

Me(shocked): 2000watts,,,,,we haven’t the connection to use this much electricity. Moreover,,,these wires won’t permit us,,,we have to change wiring,,,this will burn everything,,,it’s too much load.

Dad got up & started walking towards door. Like a five year old,, I started following. So dark outside,,,empty roads,,,street dogs,,,,& just silence

Dad (breaking the silence): ya,,perhaps those wiring will damage everything,,I’ll consult the electrician tomorrow.

With definite intervals of silence,,,we continued this conversation,,,about wiring,,,,electricians,,,etc etc

After visiting the temple,,,we continued this conversation,,,on our way back home also with of course those regular intervals of silence.

(With dad,,,I can have only this kind of conversation,,,I can term this as official conversation,,,regaring such problems or his official problems. I never discuss my life,,,nor he asks. Mom,,on the other side,, always want to listen from me,,,but I don’t like to share)

During those intervals of silence I started thinking about some silly things. Dad didn’t even ask me why I was late,,,,he never bothers actually & mom is always so worried. Dad didn’t wish me today,,,,but then he hasn’t wished me ever,,though he never forgets my birthday,,reason being mom-dad’s marriage anniversary is on same day,,,& mom,,,,she’s always the first one to wish by hugging me. Mom can,,perhaps,,never forget that I’m a girl & dad,,never,,really took me as a girl

Oh yeah,,,,it’s all because of him,,,,I’m what I’m,,,,never willing to admit that I’m just a weak sect if society,,,,why should I???

Ya,,,it’s he who made me self dependent,,,fearless,,,bold,,whatever you may call it & of course careless & stubborn too,,,,,,,,,and sometimes arrogant also

Unlike all the girls,,,who are given a princess like treatment,,,,,,,,,I’m brought up like a prince,,,all thanks to my dad

Though neither he nor I’m gonna say the words “I love you” to each other directly,,,,,,,but here I’m saying,

“PAPA,,,I LOVE YOU A LOT,,,,THANKS FOR MAKING ME A PERSON OF HER OWN KIND,,,MASTERPIECE ACTUALLY,,,THANKS A TON”
p.s.: The pics have nothing to do with me,,,neither do they have any resemblance with my & my father's relation,,,I don't have any such pic with my dad,,,,,,,,or rather hardly any pic with my dad,,,,our relation is totally different,,,without having any definite definition

Random thoughts!!!

2009-11-23T19:21:00.002+05:30

So here am I,,,scribbling whatever comes to my mind this moment,,,,it’s not because I’m desperate to publish a post in my blog,,,it’s just a little experiment or whatever you may call it. A moment before I had an anger attack (my weird terminology),,actually my di was here & irritating me,,she never stops teasing me,,and practically burns so much of my blood,,I try a lot not to give a damn to whatever she says but I fail. Anyways,, that anger attack is over now,,,,so now,,,let me wait for some random thought to come in my mind. Well this word random reminds me of a subject that we had in 5^th semester, viz., “RANDOM PROCESSES & NOISE”,,,nothing special about this subject but yeah,, there is a special episode related to the teacher who used to teach us this particular subject,,she was a good teacher,,good or bad I don’t care actually,, but studious people in my class had such opinion about her,,okay,, what happened was,,,I had an issue with her,, I wasn’t actually talking when she made me & my two other friends to stand,,one was the topper,,once before also she had done this,,,I being very short tempered asked her the reason,,then I started my big bombastic dialogues that every student has dignity & blah blah blah,,,I didn’t listen to her,,but then she also said many things,,which I didn’t bother to listen. When she left the class,, many asked me to apologize,, as otherwise she would give me less marks or in worst case she would fail my internal,,,so I went after her,,,I don’t know what came in my mind,,instead of apologizing I told her that I hadn't came there for marks & I don’t give a damn to matks,, I came because I wanted her to know what type of student I was,,& what she did wasn’t right,,she replied that she knew what type of student I’m & she didn’t expected such thing from me,,,,then after people told me that was quite a gutsy move from me but stupid also. When result was out I got to know that she had given me good marks. Many said that it was because we both belonged to same community but it wasn’t like that. The one thing that she made me to learn (of course not anything related to the subject she taught,, no doubt I had maximum marks in that subject as compared to other subjects) was that forgiveness is the greatest virtue. From that day,,,I have controlled my temper a great deal.

Huh,,,,,,,,,,now lets again wait for some random thought to come in my mind,,,,,,,,oh yeah,,,my coffee mug,,it’s in front of me actually,,it reminds me of my friend who helped me in finding it

When you are doing nothing,,our mind is occupied with so many things but once you are determined to think about anything,,,,nothing comes,,,strange na???

Kaise bataien ,,,ki tujh ko chaahein,,,,lovely song na,,,choti was singing this so “THREE IDIOTS” came in my mind,,,even this movie has lovely songs,,,I’m looking forward to watch this movie,,,,I wanna see if this can do justice with “FIVE POINT SOMEONE”,,,,,,,the novel which made me to go to an IIT,,,,,awesome novel,,,I’ve discussed a lot about this novel previously in my blog also.

Powercut,,,,,so full stop

More awards in my kiity :P

2009-11-15T14:45:00.005+05:30

Yippee,,,I got two more awards,,,,given by funkyrave,,,,,,,,thanks funkyrave

Now since I always keep on exaggerating whenever I get award,,,so for a change this time I won’t,,,,but hey that doesn’t mean getting awards is insignificant,,,,,,,I’m too greedy for these awards but only those awards which are forwarded by people who genuinely like my blog & not those awards that are forwarded just for the heck of forwarding. So here are my awards:

And i forward this award to:

1) G

2) Vivek

3) Aradhana

4) Nivedita

5) Rahil

Messed up!!!!!

2009-11-09T20:13:00.004+05:30

I guess you people would have already started doubting my passion for blogging as I’m quite irregular in publishing new posts. Well, I have an explanation for this,,,not one,,,,actually explanations for this. The first being my pc problem,,,,,it had some hardware problem & it took quite long for me to put aside my laziness and take it to some professional,,,now a new software problem has replaced the cured hardware problem,,,its my pc afterall,,how it can free from problems,,,still I can manage to access my account on blogger & other social networking sites,,(well that’s all I’ve to do with my pc),,,,then what took so long for me to publish a post???

Actually I have been to IIT Roorkee along with my friends to attend the techfest there,,,viz THOMSO’ 09,,,it was such an awesome blossom show.

(a glimpse of excitement)

We enjoyed like hell but I lost my cell there ,,,actually some stupid,,idiot,,,gal of roorkee or someplace nearby stole it. Well,, it’s not her fault only,,actually I was too careless,,,I put my cell on charging & forgot to take it off,,,so I was in deep shock,,,to add more,,,I got to know that prepaid phones have been banned in Jammu seems like someone has casted spell of bad luck on me(don’t know what words to use here,,,I’m too bad with words). So now when I have managed to collect some money to buy the same handset,,,but of course secondhand,,,I’m a bit relieved,,so I’m here scribbling my “DUKH BHARI KAHANI” :( moreover mom won’t allow me to have a postpaid connection,,,she thinks I spend too much time on phone,,,,kya karein smaaj seva toh karni padti hai

(in the fond memory of my cell)

Hope I get permission to have a post paid connection,,,I’m demanding too much now. Anyways the good thing about the trip was,,,I got my long lost friendship back,,,yup it’s friendship not just friend & I’m too happy for that

And yeah,,,,I’m back to novels,,,now reading DIGITAL FORTRESS by DAN BROWN,,,,2 states,,,Kana & Abel,,,Anything for you Ma’m & Brida are in line,,,,,& these are books not e-books ;)

Presently I’m too messed up with college life,,,don’t know what I’m doing,,what’s happening around me,,,just know that I’m a SUPER SENIOR now & it’s the last year,,,everything will be over soon,,,,,so I wanna live & enjoy these moments to fullest……………..

Ugly truth!!

2009-10-21T21:32:00.003+05:30

“satyamevjayte”
truth always triumphs

(I don’t know if I’m writing it correctly,,my grammar & spellings always suck)

Seems good,,,,but when applied has horrible effects,,,truth isn’t as beautiful as it seems to be,,,when disclosed it’s an ugly thing,,but whatever the case may be we have to accept this ugly truth.

It seems to be so confusing,,,but then,,disturbance is always clubbed with confusion. And my blog,,shows either my P.Q.(passion quotient,,,,as I’m very passionate about certain things & I make it a point to include them in my blog) or my D.Q. (disturbance quotient or depression quotient,,,,,when I’m too disturbed or depressed I just scribble everything here rather than discussing them with anyone ,,,sometimes share also,,,well it depends)

I don’t know why this word “Truth” struck in my mind & I was very particular about letting everyone know the truth and now when it’s out, it’s spoiling everything. Things are getting worse,,,too clumsy,,too horrible. Sometimes I think I should have never encouraged such an act. But then I was too fed up of this pretending game also. It’s, somehow, better to face the ugly truthful world by raising the curtains of beautiful lies, no matter how much pain & problems you have to deal with.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m prone to such things,,,why my life can’t be simple like that of others??

But then,,,it’s my life,,,how can it be simple,,,has to be exciting,,,no matter what that excitement costs………

P.S. :- sorry guys,,I’m writing after one month,,,had some problem with my pc actually,,so couldn’t check your blogs too

If.................

2009-09-21T15:30:00.002+05:30

"………………so he found it just after she took her last breath. If only, he would have discovered it before,,,,things would have been different."

Sigh,,,,,,,, so what difference it would have made then??????????

Still wondering……………..

Two more awards ;)

2009-09-18T21:19:00.013+05:30

So the award goes to me again…….

Thank God I got something to put in my blog,,,,,,,actually there are a million emotions that I wanna share but since I’m keeping hell busy because of my seminars,,minor project,,training report,,& blah blah blah,,,,,,,,,so these awards are something short & sweet that will keep me in touch with you people & of course with my blog

Oh yeah,,,,,,,it’s my second award on blogger & I guess don’t need to say much about it & the image is self explanatory

Well Hitashi gave me this award

So I’ll forward this award to

1) G

2) Vivek

3) Aradhana

4) Nivedita

5) Surbhit

6) Ujwal

7) Rahil

And The Rules are:

the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.

Pass the award to other blogs that you’ve newly discovered.

Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I got one more award. This one from Sourav

And again I’ll forward it to the same people as I don’t follow many blogs. Sorry I don’t know if I have put the correct rules & stuff. Guys,,,,,,,help yourself & put the right one’s in your blog ;)

P.S. My gratitude to both Hitashi & Sourav,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and ofcourse to my all readers,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,keep following my blog ok ;)

sands of time!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-12T22:21:00.006+05:30

Well all thanks to god, who designed this marvelous brain,,,so much it thinks & so much it keeps,,,,,,but why can’t we erase certain things completely from it. I wish it had a DELETE button, which could erase everything without having a provision to restore that,,,but I guess whatever that supreme designer has designed,,,would have designed keeping something in his mind. But yeah,, there is a factor that called time that can’t delete completely but makes you to keep only a faint record of those terrible things that you wanna forget.

But,,,,,,,,,,,,,this “time”,,,,,,,,,,,,,,sometimes it flies in a speck of time ,,,,,,,,,,,& sometimes it takes so long. In the former case,,,,,you wish it could last longer & in the latter you wish it to just fly away,,,,,,because of the pain that it gives you with every passing second. But time is time ,,,it will pass anyhow,,,,,leaving behind trails of some sweet memories & some faint scars of the wounds that it gave you………..

P.S. sorry guys if you thought it was related to sheldon's novel ;)

wassup?????????

2009-09-02T20:12:00.002+05:30

Well, I’m here to answer this

Let me start from today only

I had my suppli exam today,,or in formal language supplementary exam ,,,,,,,,,these exams are like second birthday’s for me,,,,,,a night before exam & of course on exam morning my cellphone is just flooded with good luck messages,,,,,and to add more,,,,,,,,,there are calls from some caring friends,,,,,,,and there are again some too caring friends who come to college just to wish you in person. And once you manage to grab your cellphone back after 3hours of struggle with paper, pen, and your scientific calculator (which becomes an integral part of you once you enter an engineering college),,,,,,,,,,,guess what,,,,,,,,,,,,again it starts blinking & vibrating ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and then you keep on repeating the same lines for every person who calls you. But I’m happy with one birthday only so I don’t want any “SECOND BIRTHDAY” from now onwards.

Hey,,,,,,,,,have I told you I’m no more a “NET ADDICT” ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yup,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it’s true,,,,,,,,,I just use it 10 minutes a day or so

And yeah I’m doing a good thing these days (I think it’s good ,,,I don’t know what you’ll think),,,,,,,it’s EAT MORE-EAT HEALTHY-DRINK MORE WATER,,,,,,,that’s because I don’t wanna consult a doctor every now & then :P

During the holidays of past one & a half month,,,I have read about five novels, viz., The wedding, The monk who sold his Ferrari, The God of small things, Twilight, New moon, presently I’m reading third part of Twilight, Eclipse. I have also read a book viz., The secret, a reader of my blog suggested it and this book is more like what I actually believe in, no wonder why that reader suggested it.

The latest buzz is that I’m in love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh yeah,,,,,,,,,,,I’m in love with Edward Cullen of Twilight,,,,,,,, I have practically burned my eyes for him,,,,,,,,,I mean I keep reading continuously for hours,,,,actually my heart just can’t get enough of him,,,,,,,,,,,,however my brain keeps on telling that he won’t come out of the novel,,,,no matter with how much dedication or rather with how much longing I read it,,,,,,,,,,but this heart,,,,,(sigh),,,,,,,dil hai ki manta nhi,,,,,,,,,,,,,hey,,,,,,,,,,who says bollywood songs are senseless,,,,,,they fit like glove in some situations,,,,,,,,,,like this one :P

My seventh semester classes will start tomorrow,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh God,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I’m in final year of my college now,,,,,,the mere word supersenior sets butterflies in my stomach ,,,,,but I just can’t believe it’s gonna be over soon,,,,,,,,okay okay,,,,,,,before I start sobbing let me change the topic,,,,,,,,,,in this sem I won’t carry the problems of previous sem,,,,,,,,no no not related to studies,,,,,it’s regarding relations,,,,,,,,,,and that balancing problem that I’m carrying from first semester,,,,,,,,it’s nothing like one that Isabella Marie Swan had in twilight,,,,,but it’s much more complex than that,,,,it’s about maintaining a perfect balance between friends,,,,,,,,I feel so sick about it,,,,,you actually have to explain,,,,,,,,,,,,,WTF,,,,don’t want to go into dept so I’m gonna stop here only,,,,,,,,,,,,,and regarding studies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hey have you heard that proverb “kutte kid um kabhi seedhi nhi hoti”,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :P

Well that’s all from me