Sunday, July 11, 2010

I've decided ;)

“Hazaron khwaaishein aisi ki har khwaaish pe dum nikle,
Bahut nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle”


Lying on the roof & gazing the night sky,,,I always wondered how far these stars are,,,,how vast this universe is. It was after I read about universe,,,I remember I couldn’t believe myself that this universe is so vast. Milky way,,never ceased to amaze me let alone this universe. And I always asked my Bade papa numerous questions about stars,,planets,,,satellites,,,whole universe actuallyand I was told that man has stepped on moon only then I grew up & got to know about space scientists & astronauts and I was damn sure that was what I wanted to be,,,an astronaut. Then years later,,,Kalpana Chawla’s incident happened and I was yet more determined. Though frankly speaking I didn’t know what I had to do to become an astronaut & I didn’t even try to know it :D

But then gradually I forgot about this & became more involved in school activities. I remember during one summer vacations,,,I discovered a TV serial on Doordharshan (that time doordarshan was famous,,though we had that dish and few cable channels also but still we watched doordarshan). The serial “AAROHAN” was a story about three girls (if I remember correctly) who wanted to join defense. Out of those three,,,two were selected for navy & after many hardships,,they became officers. That was it,,,I made up my mind to join defense. After that whenever I watched any movie related to defence,,,I was more determined about my goal. After kargil war & then after watching L.O.C. kargil (the movie),,I was sure that was what I wanted to become. Though again I didn’t know what I had to become a defense personnel & neither I tried to know it :D

Again I got more involved in my course books & forgot about this. I became more interested in literature. Oh don’t think that I started reading novels & all. It’s was just that I really liked the poetry & prose of my Hindi text books. It was the time when I started taking part in essay competitions in school & I always stood first in them. My interest grew more & more and I started reading newspapers also. And that was it,,,I made up my mind to became a writer. And again I didn’t know what I had to become a writer & neither I tried to know it :D

It was the time when I was in 10th & everyone knew what they were going to do & yet again my mind was blank. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor,,well he also wanted me to be an KAS officer,,,a lawyer,,,but doctor was his first preference. So I made up my mind to make my dad’s dream come true. Now this time for a change I knew that I had to clear an entrance exam to become a doctor.
But since it wasn’t my heart’s calling so I wasn’t that determined, I studied but not exactly worked hard & as expected I wasn’t able to clear the entrance exam for medical though I cleared Engineering entrance,,,my parents encouraged me to take up that & I too wanted to do that,,,,so here am I an ENGINEER.

It was after joining engineer I realized that the writer within me hadn’t died yet,,,so I again started writing (this blog actually),,,& thanks to the months long agitation in Jammu,,,I cultivated reading habit also. Two years have passed & I have read more than 40 novels & written more than 100 posts. And now I know what I have to do to become a writer. But I just wanna write one or two novels so I’ll write that after I’ve earned much & learned much.
And again it was during engineering only I came to know that the dream of joining defense hadn’t died too. So I gave an army interview & luckily I was called for SSB interview. It was just two months back I went for the interview & it was damn clear to me that I wanna join army only. Though I wasn’t recommended but still the experience was awesome. After coming back from SSB I thought again if joining army is all I wanted to do but the answer wasn’t clear. So I focused on other plan,,,that was searching for job here in Jammu till result of 8th semester is out, i.e. till September & then going to Delhi for job search. But while concentrating towards this plan I realized that my heart wasn’t completely with me in this decision because whenever I saw that SSB group picture or other pictures in my cell or the experience I wrote in my diary or the book I followed for SSB,,,there was a kind of strange feeling,,a feeling as if I’m going away from something very dear to me,,,I know it’s very stupid to say that but that’s what I felt. Whenever I talked to my SSB friend’s this feeling emerged with a profound effect.

I thought again & now I have made up my mind to join army because I know I won’t be happy if I’ll do something else. I’ll submitted the form for technical entry & it’s gonna be a direct SSB this time also. No matter if I won’t get recommended this time too,,,I’ll try again,,,atleast I’ll be satisfied that I tried.

So here my future plan,,,staying in jammu & doing job here till I get call letter for SSB interview then after SSB shifting to Delhi for job search :)

P.S. anyone who has been through SSB can drop advices & tips for me here ;)


Anonymous said...

hiii vandy..
firstly so sorry fr commenting too late...but really i actually forgot urs blog id & i wantd 2 find it by here i m

very well decided LOADS OF LUCK ...sweety

Just stay firm dis time......

tk cr

vandy said...

thanks sweetheart

Saurabh Pandey said...

So what happened..? Have you got recommended or you are still busy in job..?

vandy said...

Well all I can say that I am living a life less ordinary :-)


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