I've decided ;)

“Hazaron khwaaishein aisi ki har khwaaish pe dum nikle,
Bahut nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle”

-Ghalib

Lying on the roof & gazing the night sky,,,I always wondered how far these stars are,,,,how vast this universe is. It was after I read about universe,,,I remember I couldn’t believe myself that this universe is so vast. Milky way,,never ceased to amaze me let alone this universe. And I always asked my Bade papa numerous questions about stars,,planets,,,satellites,,,whole universe actuallyand I was told that man has stepped on moon only then I grew up & got to know about space scientists & astronauts and I was damn sure that was what I wanted to be,,,an astronaut. Then years later,,,Kalpana Chawla’s incident happened and I was yet more determined. Though frankly speaking I didn’t know what I had to do to become an astronaut & I didn’t even try to know it :D

But then gradually I forgot about this & became more involved in school activities. I remember during one summer vacations,,,I discovered a TV serial on Doordharshan (that time doordarshan was famous,,though we had that dish and few cable channels also but still we watched doordarshan). The serial “AAROHAN” was a story about three girls (if I remember correctly) who wanted to join defense. Out of those three,,,two were selected for navy & after many hardships,,they became officers. That was it,,,I made up my mind to join defense. After that whenever I watched any movie related to defence,,,I was more determined about my goal. After kargil war & then after watching L.O.C. kargil (the movie),,I was sure that was what I wanted to become. Though again I didn’t know what I had to become a defense personnel & neither I tried to know it :D

Again I got more involved in my course books & forgot about this. I became more interested in literature. Oh don’t think that I started reading novels & all. It’s was just that I really liked the poetry & prose of my Hindi text books. It was the time when I started taking part in essay competitions in school & I always stood first in them. My interest grew more & more and I started reading newspapers also. And that was it,,,I made up my mind to became a writer. And again I didn’t know what I had to become a writer & neither I tried to know it :D

It was the time when I was in 10th & everyone knew what they were going to do & yet again my mind was blank. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor,,well he also wanted me to be an KAS officer,,,a lawyer,,,but doctor was his first preference. So I made up my mind to make my dad’s dream come true. Now this time for a change I knew that I had to clear an entrance exam to become a doctor.

But since it wasn’t my heart’s calling so I wasn’t that determined, I studied but not exactly worked hard & as expected I wasn’t able to clear the entrance exam for medical though I cleared Engineering entrance,,,my parents encouraged me to take up that & I too wanted to do that,,,,so here am I an ENGINEER.

It was after joining engineer I realized that the writer within me hadn’t died yet,,,so I again started writing (this blog actually),,,& thanks to the months long agitation in Jammu,,,I cultivated reading habit also. Two years have passed & I have read more than 40 novels & written more than 100 posts. And now I know what I have to do to become a writer. But I just wanna write one or two novels so I’ll write that after I’ve earned much & learned much.
And again it was during engineering only I came to know that the dream of joining defense hadn’t died too. So I gave an army interview & luckily I was called for SSB interview. It was just two months back I went for the interview & it was damn clear to me that I wanna join army only. Though I wasn’t recommended but still the experience was awesome. After coming back from SSB I thought again if joining army is all I wanted to do but the answer wasn’t clear. So I focused on other plan,,,that was searching for job here in Jammu till result of 8th semester is out, i.e. till September & then going to Delhi for job search. But while concentrating towards this plan I realized that my heart wasn’t completely with me in this decision because whenever I saw that SSB group picture or other pictures in my cell or the experience I wrote in my diary or the book I followed for SSB,,,there was a kind of strange feeling,,a feeling as if I’m going away from something very dear to me,,,I know it’s very stupid to say that but that’s what I felt. Whenever I talked to my SSB friend’s this feeling emerged with a profound effect.

I thought again & now I have made up my mind to join army because I know I won’t be happy if I’ll do something else. I’ll submitted the form for technical entry & it’s gonna be a direct SSB this time also. No matter if I won’t get recommended this time too,,,I’ll try again,,,atleast I’ll be satisfied that I tried.

So here my future plan,,,staying in jammu & doing job here till I get call letter for SSB interview then after SSB shifting to Delhi for job search :)

P.S. anyone who has been through SSB can drop advices & tips for me here ;)