Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life is beautiful!!!

“Hey what happened??? You guys don’t seem well”


“hmmmmm,,,,,you know we broke up & I can’t forget him/her. He/she was my life. I don’t feel like living now”

“He/she never understands me. I love him/her a lot but still………. Life is a hell for me. Why this happens with me only”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do in my life. Things are so complex for me. I don’t know anything about my career. I’m totally screwed up.”


“By the way, you are also not fine, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing like you guys. Life is bliss for me. I’ve been blessed with so many amazing people around me,,,who love & care about me. It’s just that I don’t know how to love & care them equally or maybe I do but then why are they still unhappy about something’s & I don’t know how to cheer them up. I try a lot but their problems don’t get out of their head. I won’t be with them throughout my life so I want whatever little time we spend together should be the happiest period of our lives but things are not that way. I wish I could do something that would remove these problems but I fail. I don’t understand why people fail to see the beauty of life. I don’t understand why people keep thinking about past when a wonderful present is before them,,why they keep on worrying about future when so many beautiful things about present are yet to be explored,,life is beautiful but people don’t value it,,,,,,,this thing is bothering me”

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

MY DOLL




“So now you can go alone na??”


But she didn’t reply & stepped in bus.


I waited for her to look back,,but she didn't. Though she seemed to be confident & matured enough to go alone still I was worried. I felt like I should go with her but that would have irritated her & since it was her exam so I didn’t want her be in that mood & I let her go alone.


I think it was the first time I ever let her go alone anywhere since the time she was born.

It was the month of January,,,dark cold night & as usual mom put me to bed early,,,I was just 5 years old then. I remember that was the time when I only dreamed about fairylands,,,chocolate houses,,,ice cream rivers,,,I really had this weird imagination,,,sometimes I even saw dragons & all,,,actually I was a ALICE lost IN my WONDERLAND.

I was in deep slumber when a weird dream woke me up. My eyes were still closed,,I ran my hand across the bed to spot mom but I didn’t spot her,,,,I spotted something else,,,,soft,,,really soft,,,something smooth,,,smooth as silk & I became unsure as it was a dream or reality. I lift the quilt,,sat up & I realized everyone was awake. Someone switched on the light & I saw a little feeble & helpless creature lying on bed. My eyes widened in bewilderment ,,,I opened my mouth to ask something but I shut it again & I looked at that thing again. I traced her face with my fingers,,,so soft it felt. Her eyes were closed & she was so relaxed & so calm. Till then I hadn’t seen such a marvelous thing in my life,,,,and I started liking her then & there only. Her hands were clenched in tight fists,,,I tried to open it,,very carefully as she seemed to be so fragile,,,but then voice of my granny startled me “Be careful with her,,,,she’s your little sister”,,,,,,,,,,my little sister,,,,,,,,,these words were revolving in my mind,,,,there were thousands of questions I wanted to ask then but I was too busy with my little doll,,,a real doll. Marveling her softness,,,smoothness,,,calmness,,,,I felt asleep & I never asked any question as I was too happy,,,to glad to have a real doll.


Next day,,,I was telling everyone in school that “hey I’ve a little sister now”,,,I remember I told that to my teacher also & she replied sweetly “I know vandana” & I was like “how does she know?? Mom didn’t tell me,,,how could she tell my ma’m”. I told that to mom angrily & mom told that to my teacher. That teacher used to mock me over this thing till the time I left school,,,even now whenever she meets my mom,,,she cracks this joke,,,so embarrassing I tell you :(


My doll grew up before me. I remember the day she joined the school. My cousin, my di & I left her in the class & she was holding back her tears,,,even I was holding back mine,,,di was always the strongest. Just as we left,,,she started crying. I came to my class & I could see her with other children in the playground. She was still crying,,,,I wanted to go out of the class but I couldn’t. She started crying even louder,,,and it became harder to control myself,,,,but she wasn’t going to stop. And then her teacher scolded her & she stopped and I felt like a volcano just erupted in me,, “how dare that bitch,,scolded my doll like that” I wanted to run out of the class to wipe tears of my doll,,,to comfort her but I had to wait. I waited & when class was over I ran to her,,,she was back in her class,,,smiling & talking to children around her so I stepped back. And I remember I never ever talked to the teacher who scolded my doll.

And I don’t remember after that I ever saw tears in eyes of my doll except for the time when di taught her during initial years of her school,,,but that time I had to control myself as it was di :P


There is one more time when she was learning to drive scooty,,,she fell from it & injured herself. Dad scolded her & she started weeping,,,that was the first time dad ever scolded her,,,dad didn’t scold her even when she stole money from his pocket,,,,well she often does that,,,that’s no problem with dad but this time dad scolded her,,,she was injured still dad scolded her & she was weeping like anything. I couldn’t control myself & told dad, “How dare you say anything to her??” I literally shouted at my dad but he was quite,,mom,,granny no one scolded me back. Then mom came to me & said, “You know it hurts your dad to see her hurt. He just wanted her to be safe” and my reply was, “treat her like a princess,,she deserves that,,okay??” . I still say that,,whenever she steals money,,,buy extra clothes,,,junk jewelry or anything,,,my response is always the same “let her live like a princess” & mom says, “and she’ll turn us to beggars”;)


No doubt she has grown up but I’m still scared as if she can face this world alone,,,but when she left me without even looking back,,I thought maybe she is not my little doll anymore,,,she has really grown up,,,,grown up to be a princess…



P.S. she’s a rascal & freaks the hell out of me,,, imitating my voice when I’m on phone,,,paints my face when I’m sleeping,,,calls me stupid names,,,,and other thousand things that irritate me like anything but I can never forget that she was my favorite doll & I don’t remember I ever played with any doll after I got her. Wanna say “Muniya,,,,you are my doll,,,,my princess & I wish you get all the happiness of this world”


P.S. 2 I’m not ever gonna tell her that I wrote this for her because then she’ll be dancing on my head always,,,already she never gets off my head

P.S. 3 I've got one more award from JAUNTY

And I'm forwarding this award to Sepo, Surbhit (devil), Eksha, Funkyrave & Tomz

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Much awaited 100 :D

(100th post special)

I remember,,,when I was a kid,,I was crazy about cricket,,I’ve grown up watching sachin’s 19th century,,20th century and so on.


Perhaps, I was the only girl in my class who had so much knowledge about players & statistics. Dad always considered me as his son,,not daughter,,,so whenever he watched any cricket match,,,he made it sure that I was with him,,,he still invites me to watch matches with him,,,but things have changed now,,,,, my interests have changed,,,I've lost interest in cricket.


Today,,,when I came back home,,,I heard Dad telling Bade papa, “hey let’s watch IPL” but Bade Papa wasn’t interested. I felt like watching match with Dad for old times’ sake but then I got busy with my cellphone and net.


And then I got a friend online & when he mentioned this IPL,,,, my first reaction was


I find this eyeee peeeee eeellllll quite boring



True,,I mean I can’t figure out which team to support???

I like KINGS XI ,,,,I mean it’s about Punjab & all so…


Plus it has Irfan pathan,,,yeah,,,once I was crazy for him,,,I had this big poster of him in my room,,I still have a collage of him,,,cuttings of his interviews & all,,,,and I was really heartbroken when I got to know about his love :(


*sigh*


Anyways life goes on……


So my friend,,IPL fan,,, was very much interested & I got to know from him that it’s a match between MUMBAI INDIANS & RAJISTHAN ROYALS

Experts from that chat:

Two overs remaining

7 balls 13 runs

12 runs 6 balls

I was still not interested

Run out appeal,,,,I was bit interested

12 runs 4 balls

I got more interested

Sachin is the captian of MI

And I was all interested in it,,,Sachin has always been a hero for me

11 runs 4 balls,,,Malinga on hattrick

Who’s Malinga by the way???? Still I was interested

11 runs 3 balls

Biting my nails

Run out appeal

Should be a run out

Not out

shit

9 runs 2 balls

Oh my god

Wide ball

Oh shit

8 runs 2 balls

No nails left now

6 from one

Ma-lin-ga,,,ma-lin-ga,,,,still don’t know who’s this Malinga????

Final ball

Heart pounding so fast

It’s a single,,,,,you win

Yeah yippee

This should be a blog post,,,, how i commented to get ur interest in the eyeeee peeee elllll




And it is :P

Last post was my 99th post & ever since I published that I was thinking,,,what I’m gonna write in my 100th post,,,it should be special,,,and hey what can make it special then cricket itself,,,with sachin breaking all records & making first ever 200 in ODI history,,,I’ve ended up writing about cricket in my 100th post,,,no doubt I’ve lost interest in it but maybe with this friend of mine rekindling that spark again,,,I’ll be interested again,,,,well,,,,let’s wait & watch.



P.S. when I started this blog,,I never thought I’ll go this far but all thanks to you guys who follow my blog & comment on it & also to those who read it but don’t comment,,,,I really get encouragement from you guys,,,THANKS TO ALL OF YOU

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

RESTLESS!!!!

Finally I’m here,,,,,,,after loads of arguments with myself. Still I’m not sure if I should be here or not. I mean I’m still restless & I know scribbling anything here now would mean nothing. No one will understand. But then,,,,,,,,since when I started caring about what others think????

Anyways I’m here with my restless mind & its restless thoughts. It has been a month since I’m quite disturbed,,,,,,,,,,why,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I don’t know????

I haven’t shared this with anyone ,,,just because I know that my mind works on a different frequency & it has never been easy for me to explain things to others. Moreover, since I don’t know the exact reason so it’s better to keep this restless to me rather than to transfer it to others.

I tried hell lot of ways to get this out of me,,,,but nothing works.

I also deleted my accounts from all social networking sites.

I don’t even now find peace in novels. I try to read but I can’t.

I haven’t written a post for my blog for past two weeks.

No orkut,,no facebook,,,no novels,,,no blogging,,,,,these were like drugs to me but I’m living without them. Something is wrong I know but can’t figure it out.

Out of so many ways I’ve tried,,the only one that gives me peace is to be alone. I like remaining alone at home,,,answering calls & sending messages is ok but facing people is something I don’t like. Because somewhere my restlessness shows up then & since I don’t know the reason behind that so I prefer to be alone.

The reason can’t be college as I’m like this before the starting of college,,,,not friends actually,,,then what???? I don’t know. At times I feel like crying my heart out,,,,but it is stupid as I don’t have any reason. I see people around who have their sad love stories,,,bf/gf problem,,,friends problem,,,future problem,,,,,and I find them lucky,,,,they at least know what solution they are seeking & here am I,,,,without any definite problem & hence without any definite solution.

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