Wednesday, December 15, 2010

With all new wintry look,,,,cheers to winters :)



Heyyyloooo friends..!!!

I’m freezing,, what about you???

I’m not complaining or anything but yeah I’m not a fan of winters,,though I don’t hate it completely. There are few things that I love about winters.

I’m from a village & winters in village are something really worth cherishing,,,though summers are no different here.

The sweet warmth of sunlight,,,the breeze that brings golden dried leaves,,the fields filled with lush green vegetables,,,& the dried river.

Everything seems amazing.

Seems like I’ve started loving winter :P

I was born in Kashmir,, though I didn’t spend much time there but I love Chinar leaves (Maple leaves)

“Naar” in Arabic means fire. Dried Chinar leaves resemble fire,, hence the name Chinar is given to this tree. Chinar grows in cold regions,, not in jammu :(

So whenever anyone goes to Kashmir or Kud,, the only thing I ask for is to bring those leaves for me. Now why I’m talking about all these is because I’ve changed the look of my blog. And as u can see it is inspired by winter & Chinar.

Lately, I was a lot busy in job search trips & tours (though I got a job but still trips are on) so I couldn’t be regular here. Those who are still regular to my blog (I strongly doubt that) must have noticed that I’m not devoting much time to blogging.

So I decided to take some time out for my blog & give it a new look. Well change is the spice of life but to make some change you have to think a lot. But with winters around & my love for Chinar,, these look seemed to be so perfect.

With all new wintry look,,,,cheers to winters :)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

People, places & prejudices..!!!



Humans are strange species,,,we form prejudices and refrain to change them unless circumstances make us to do so. Being born and brought up in one state only, I didn’t get much chance to interact with people from other states until I started my job search, so I had such prejudices regarding people and places.But certain things happened that completely changed them.

Recently I had been to Delhi, well I guess I visit Delhi as frequently as one visits loo :P

Whenever I go to Delhi, I prefer to stay with my friends, though I’ve relatives there, but staying with friends is so much fun & I’m sure you all will agree. So this time, a day before I had to return back to Jammu, we went to Big Bazar, Vasant Kunj, as I had to buy a special diary for my cousin. She had threatened me that if I won’t get her that diary she won’t allow me to enter home. After getting all the stuff that we needed from there, we decided to be there and chill for some time. While we were enjoying our chat and maggi(only my friends, not me because I hate maggi), we noticed a cute little girl in red frock roaming around. A lady, in fifties was with her & I guessed that she was her grandmother. That girl was really cute, must be some four years old. I was telling my friend that I’ll make my daughter have same haircut. For some fifteen minutes, I kept noticing her. Initially she was roaming alone & then she started playing with other kids, who were younger to her. I guess she found their company boring so she left them & came back to her grandmother. It was getting late so we had to leave, but before leaving I wanted to take a photo of her. I asked her grandmother for permission & she allowed but when I went to her, she didn’t give me the permission. And I was like, she’s a little cute but spoiled brat and whatever I think about these big cities and people living in these cities is absolutely right. But her grandmother was really so sweet, she requested her again but of no use.

After some five or ten minutes of requesting she allowed us to give her photo but only after she’ll take ours. We agreed, she took our mobiles & started clicking pictures. Most of the time her fingers were on camera & then she was telling us to come closer as she couldn’t see us. And trust me, I haven’t seen anything cuter than that. She wasn't telling us her name but her granny told us that her name is Netra.

Then her grandmother asked her to allow us to take her photos. Moments before she was like no no but now she was giving us so many wonderful & sweet poses & that too like ten poses in one second,,and it was hard for us to catch any pose properly ,,,still we took some really nice pictures.

While we were taking her pics, she offered us her chocolates,, now it was something unusual,,,I haven’t seen any kid who would share his/her chocolates with anyone like that.

Now it was getting too late & since one of our friends was home alone so we had to leave but guess what she won’t allow us to leave her. We were worried & didn’t know how to fool her; she was too smart for us. Her granny offered us lift,,we agreed as we didn’t had a choice. Her granny told us that they run a parlor & that day her mom was quite busy as she had three or four bridal assignments and since Netra won't allow her to finish her work that easily so Netra had to be taken away & that's why Netra & her granny were in the mall. She started throwing popcorns on us & we collected those popcorns & started throwing back on her,,,so we had this little popcorn war in car. She couldn’t pronounce “popcorn”,,,,she called them “pokcom”.

We didn’t realize when we reached our stop.We were about to leave the car, when she got hold of my hand. I tried to get myself free but when I looked into her eyes, I couldn’t move. Her eyes with filled with tears, and trust me tears don’t look good on something as cute & innocent as her. Soon she started crying loudly & then requesting us not to leave her. It was hard to leave her like that but we had a friend alone at home, so we decided that two of us should go home & two should stay back. Her granny drove us to her home & half of the way, she was completely quiet, but then she started smiling & playing again. We tried a lot that she should sleep in the car but she was too smart. We reached her home. Her mom and dad were there. She took me to her room & showed me all her toys & shoes, then she had to attend nature’s call but she was too smart, she kept repeating from washroom, “yehi ho?” (are you there) after every two minutes & I’ve to answer “yes” every time.

We all tried a lot to make her sleep but all in vain,, every time either she would something for us to eat or pick a flower & propose to us in a really cute way,,,assuming us to be her friend Rehaan :P

It was 9pm now so we had to leave. We handed her to her father & left without looking behind. All we could hear was her screams & her words “Didi mat jao please” (Didi , please don’t go).

It was hard to leave her like that, but we were left with no other option. While we were returning her granny told her,, she’s like that only. She doesn’t mix up with people easily & once she mixes up she gets so much attached to them that she doesn’t let them go.

The girl who seemed to be so arrogant turned out to be so sweet and I was proved wrong. It doesn’t depend where are you from,, it depends on how you are brought up.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

'cause when you are 23,,,you're gonna freak out...!!!!



‘Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them…….


One of my favorite song.

But I guess it’s not that you are fifteen, it’s because you are told that you are being loved, doesn’t matter at what age,,,you will definitely believe that.

Tomorrow I’ll turn twenty three,,,hey,,,hang on for a minute,,,I’m not here to tell you that during these twenty three years how many times I’ve been told this or how many times I’ve told this to others, though there isn’t any doubt about the fact how amazing it is to be loved by someone. It’s just that I felt like starting my post with these lines.

So finally I’ll be twenty-three,,,oh my god,,,TWENTY-THREE,,,something to freak about. Time really flies away. I didn’t realize where these years went & when I look back,,,,,,wait,,,when I look back,,,,,,I don’t find any similarity between what I’m today and what I used to be.

(when i was some two years old)

First birthday, second birthday, third birthday, fourth birthday,,,,,,honestly I don’t remember anything. The only thing I remember is that till my 10th or 11th birthday I used to be really dumb & too shy,,well shyness continued till 17th or 18th birthday but thank God dumbness vanished soon. (I honestly have no idea if I’m talking sense,,,well I hope you understand that tomorrow I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE,,,and it’s really something to freak about).

Well I wasn’t someone whom you can describe as a naughty,,I was lot more closer to what you call innocent. I think I was always lot more sensible than other people of my age group,,,,oh please,,,don’t raise your brow like that,,,I was,,okay

But there was a part of me that was too weird and that I kept to myself only and the part that gave me much trouble later in my life,,,weird and too sensitive part (again I have no idea if it is making any sense,,,and again I hope you understand that tomorrow I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE,,,something to freak about).

(when i was some six years old)

Anyways now talking about birthdays,,,well honestly birthdays don’t excite me as much as they used to earlier,,,but yes I love receiving wishes,,especially through calls :P

I remember on my twenty first birthday,,,I was too upset and I didn’t receive any calls and when I woke up I saw 21 missed calls,,,was really happy about this :P. At that time SMS service was banned in J&K (which is still banned) so almost everyone had called or was still calling. Later on when my mood was okay,, I was telling a friend of mine(who is not a friend now :P) that he didn’t called to wish me, to which he replied, “but I wished you in person” and my reply was “that doesn’t matter, I want everyone to call on my birthday :P”

Again this is non-sense but remember I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE tomorrow…!!!!


(when i was some fifteen years old)

Bad thing about birthdays is that they make realize that you are leaving so many sweet memories behind and won’t be able live them again and good thing is that it reminds you that you have been really strong all these years to face so many ups and downs which really makes you laugh now ,,,,,hmmmm,,,,,,time really flies away…!!!!!


(this is what i look like now,,i'm in center)


P.S. really I don’t know if this post makes any sense but I hope you understand that tomorrow I’ll turn TWENTY-THREE,,,and it’s really something to freak about……!!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm there for you always...!!!


“You know I missed you like hell when you were not talking to me”


It had been almost a week or so since we stopped talking. She just asked a simple question & maybe I never expected that she would ask, especially when I had already warned her not to ask me anything regarding that but she did. And not knowing how to react, I simply walked away telling her that she didn’t know anything so the answer won’t matter to her. I don’t know why it hurt me so much, it was just a question but I guess the answer was never simple for me. It hurt so much so that I almost wept. I have this problem with me, when I’m in deep pain I can’t be with the people whom I love the most, reason being I can’t see my sadness in their eyes & then I start acting weirdly, not talking to them & totally ignoring them and same happened in this case. I may pretend to be really strong but when reminded of certain things I again become a fragile being.

Things were getting tougher for me, firstly because I couldn’t control my emotions & secondly I couldn’t see her being so sad. I tried to break the ice, but I simply couldn’t & when she tried, I would simply walk away. Things were really gloomy for both of us. At home also, things were not so good and she being aware of what I was going through, was always at my side. And soon something happened in my family that changed everything. I literally decided to forget everything & started living my present. Gradually we started talking again. Though it was a short time but it changed everything. And then one day, when we were together she told me how much she missed me when we were not talking, I too missed her a lot, I almost choked while telling her so. We hugged each other & since then we never have faced anything like that.

P.S. I was just going through my diary & read about this incidence and couldn’t stop myself from putting this in my blog. I called the same friend, telling her the same thing & telling her how much I’m missing her. She is presently facing the same family problem that I’ve faced and I just want her to know that though I can’t do anything about her problem but I’m always with her. Luvya sweetheart

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Life goes on...!!!


I’m writing this post today, but I’m not sure if tomorrow it’ll carry any meaning for me or not. Well, life is always like that you can never be sure of anything & I guess that’s what makes it exciting..!!!

A lot has been happening around me,, a lot of changes & perhaps I’m changing too with these changes. I always thought I’m going to be free when I’ll be a pass out but it exactly the other way around. At first I wasn’t sure if I can keep up with the pace my life is changing but seems like I got an employment with life there :)

And whosoever has said whatever happens, happens for the good,, I totally agree with that person. These days I’m really happy,,, really really happy for no apparent reasons,,, life has moved on,,,people have too & me three.

But still there are things that never ends,,,,,though you sometimes doubt their existence. And these are the things that never cease to create that impact on you,,,of course the impact is not that profound now.

As a friend of mine put status on facebook, “life goes on” and I commented, “and the only thing that we can do is to enjoy every bit of it”

Really all we can do is to enjoy our present :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Be contended :)



You are with friends, enjoying life, thinking that perhaps you are the luckiest and happiest person in the world. You are partying, having fun & discussing the things that are not that important (like shopping, food, etc) then gradually the discussion takes turn towards some important matters in life,,,the situation becomes little tense then discussion becomes more important & along with it situation becomes a little more tense then finally you start discussing the most important things in life(well presently you think these are the most important things in life) but now the situation becomes lighter because no matter how difficult the path is, the destination is always beautiful so you relax & start enjoying again.

But this is the time when you realize that it is getting dark so you have to hurry. You sum up the discussions, gather your things, say goodbye to your friends & leave (still unwilling to leave). It’s pitch dark outside & you start worrying, worrying that how you’ll go home that too in a public transport with all kind of strange people & the worst, how you are going to face your parents?

Thinking that your parents won’t listen to anything & you will surely be scolded, you start worrying more, anyhow you get into a local bus and thankfully you have good company. The music is playing louder & gradually you again start thinking about least important things in life,,,then important things in life, then more important things in life then finally most important things in life and at this point you enter a state of trance, where everything cease to exists, where nothing matters, nothing at all, not even scolding of your parents that you are surely going to get, not the least important matters in life & not even the most important matters in life. You are in a different world now, a totally calm world, the music is falling on your ear drums but not creating any sensation, it’s pitch dark outside but you are feeling enlightened. In this state you realize that nothing really matters, nothing at all, you are here just to live your life, live it to fullest, live for the moment. You are not here to change the world, not here to change anyone’s life, so just live your life & that will automatically make a difference in others life & ultimately in the world.

Finally the bus drops you at your stop, it is pitch dark, road is empty but your heart is full, your heart is contended :)

Friday, August 20, 2010

Two years of blogging!!


Long ago when I won first prize in essay competition consecutively for two years,,,somewhere in me a writer had already taken birth & then gradually I started taking interest in Hindi literature too, though that didn’t last long. Stories, fiction always fascinated me though these were related mainly to my text books & grandma’s stories only and also few story books that I read occasionally. It was only two years back when I started taking interest in novels & coincidently it was the time when I started blogging too.

Yeah, you guessed it right, my blog has completed two years, two years of silly, stupid, mind swirling, spiritual, emotional, funny, motivational blog posts(okay that’s what I think about my blog posts, don’t know about you guys).

I’m not gonna mention what made me to start blogging,,how was the first year because I’ve mentioned that a zillion times on my blog(I know I’m exaggerating but that’s me), so I’m gonna keep this blog post short & sweet.

Before ending I wanna say P.S.(initials for my blog) I really love you,,you have been like my best buddy in good & bad times,,and your being with me means the world to me.

Happy second birthday P.S.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

And that has made all the difference


“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference”

Robert Frost

Really it takes loads of courage to take the path that is less travelled by. Obviously, who would like to take undue risks in life? Moreover people are keen to follow others footsteps,,,going with majority & fearing to try something new.

But

Those who thought other way around made a great difference. All the great people belong to this category. The less travelled path, no doubt, has many hardships,,but once we cross these pits & bumps, there’s a smooth road ahead.

Now what made me to write this was the behavior of my friends. We all are pass-outs now (though our result of last semester is still pending) and majority of us are not sure about what they want to do in life? Some of us who have made their mind to do something are following their chosen path & others are merely following them. I’m not against this, well, it’s better to decide as soon as possible rather than to waste time but the shocking thing was that few among my friends changed their path just because no one else was travelling by that path. I mean how ridiculous is that?

Just because that path is less travelled by doesn’t make you a fool to choose it.

Friends don’t act dumb,,,use your senses,,,life is not always a cakewalk and who knows the path you chose leads to a beautiful destination.

P.S. stay focused, stay positive & stay happy

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Happy Independence Day!!!


Independence day,,,since a child I’ve been cramming essays on Independence day,, reading books on freedom struggle,,,watching movie on the same topic & like millions of other Indians I feel proud that I’m born in a country like India which in spite of having so many diversities, so many hardships, so many issues, is still progressing as one of the world’s fastest growing economies.

India is really great & I’m proud to be an Indian.

Okay India is great & it’ll continue to progress to be greater but if we just talk about ourselves, what we are doing as an Indian for our country?? What does this independence means to us?? (Forgive me if I’m sounding like one of those promos of some TV show)

As an 22year old,,just-out of-the-college-engineer, I won’t talk about changing the political system & all because I know that change won’t come in few days and it’s quite complicated process but at least I can think of changing the things that won’t take that much time and are much simpler.

I won’t talk about whole country,,I’ll just start from my own state, the first thing that I think is missing in this state(& of course in other parts of country too) is cleanliness. It is clearly written on walls “stick no bills” or “don’t deface” or “don’t spit” but it seems like everyone here is illiterate. Dustbins are empty & trash is lying on road. Drainage system is blocked & water is flowing on road blocking traffic. If only we follow simple rules, which I think are not that hard to follow, our country will be a lot cleaner.

On this Independence Day, I take pledge to follow these rules because I just love this country & I want it to be clean.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Father of all Tags :P

Chanz tagged me this and it is called the "Father Of All Tags". Well yeah it is really a looong one but since i take great pleasure in doing these tages so here we go

Ten how’s:


1. How did you get one of your scars? – well I’ve loads of scars but if I’ve to pick one (you can call my favorite :P) I’ll pick the scar on my right hand that I got while enjoying riksha ride for the first time in Roorkee
2. How did you celebrate your last birthday? Like Chanz I too celebrated it for two days & I got a lovely surprise from my friends,,it was my last birthday in college hence a memorable one.
3. How are you feeling at this moment? Hmmm,,,,feeling indifferent actually
4. How did your night go last night? Was reading a novel & didn’t know when I fell asleep
5. How did you do in high school? Well I was kinda best student in school,,,still remembered for the same :P
6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? Mom got this for me & I hate it
7. How often do you see your best friend(s)? almost everyday,,,two months back,,but now once in a week or so
8. How much money did you spend last month? More than what my pocket money is ;)
9. How old do you want to be when you get married? I haven’t thought about it,,,hmmm,,,I don’t actually wanna get married,,,but if I’ve to it’ll be after I’ve lived my life the way I want ;)
10. How old will you be at your next birthday? Well truly speaking the social networking sites will show 23years :P


Nine what’s:

1. Your mothers name? Monica
2. What did you do last weekend? Was busy in planning surprise for Eko’s birthday.
3. What is the most important part of your life? I guess it’s me only :P
4. What would you rather be doing? Watching T.V.
5. What did you last cry over? It was the time when I was in some deep shit & mom wasn’t home because of mammu’s death. I just called her, she said, “What’s wrong?” & dang
6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? Talking to my friends
7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? Many actually but the most important is that the person should have depth,,,I hate superficial people(my weird terminology)
8. What are you worried about? Getting a job
9. What did you have for breakfast? Milk,beans & chappati


Eight you’s:

1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? Liked someone (just crush actually) but don’t know if he had a girlfriend :P
2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? In what sense??
3. Have you ever been out of the country? No,,but I would like to
4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? Hmmm,,,somethings but can’t disclose here ;)
5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? Yes,,many times
6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? NO!!!
7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Not dated anyone actually ;) single & not ready to mingle yet
8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Hell lotta times


Seven who’s:

1. Who was the last person you saw? My elder sis,,she just turned off the lights
2. Who was the last person you texted? Don’t remember because sms service was banned in J&K long ago so can’t recall
3. Who was the last person you hung out with? Eko
4. Who was the last person to call you? Eko
5. Who did you last hug? Eko on her birthday last week.
6. Who is the last person who texted you? Can’t remember,,,& I’ve deleted all messages from my cell
7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Must be one among my friends,,,I keep telling them this every now & then :P


Six where’s:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live? All in jammu :P.
2. Where did you last go? Java classes.
3. Where did you last hang out? Kwality with Eko
4. Where do you go to school? Jammu only.
5. Where is your favorite place to be? It used to be college but now anywhere with friends.
6. Where did you sleep last night? My own bed :P



Five do’s:

1. Do you think anyone likes you? Yeah I do,,,well who doesn’t like to think so :P
2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? No,,,I just love myself
3. Do you know the muffin man? Nope
4. Does the future scare you? Yup,,,,sometimes
5. Do your parents know about your blog? Hmmm,,,,I don’t know,,,,maybe,,,they just know I’m addicted to net but nothing more than that


Four why’s:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? Because they believe in me & they love me for what I’m
2. Why did you get into Blogging? Writing has always been a passion to me.
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? Parents didn’t gave me this name :P
4. Why are you doing this survey? Because I’ve nothing else to do ;)


Three if’s:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be? To read others mind but I’ll never disclose it
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? Nothing actually,,,but still if I’ve to,,,I’ll change my school :P
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? Laptop net enabled :P


Two would-you-ever’s:

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? No Ex yet
2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? Of course.


One last question:

1. Are you happy with your life right now? Yes I’m :)


Since no one takes my tags seriously so I’m tagging no one though all of you are free to take this tag

Thursday, August 12, 2010

What is happiness????????


Happiness……….

So what is this happiness???

I’m sure there will be n number of definitions by n number of great minds but I’m sure for everyone among us, happiness has its own definition & most of us would have changed their definitions after a certain time, after experiencing certain things or after having learned important lessons of life.

Now why I’m discussing this happiness with you??

It was the birthday of one of my friend & I wanna wish,,,after thinking a bit,,I chose the words “May all your wishes come true” but then I thought can just fulfillment of wishes bring happiness to someone what if the person isn’t sure himself/herself about what he/she wants in life? I mean our dreams, our wishes do change, and they change with every passing moment. Maybe what we wish or dream about now won’t have any significance few years later.

Oh yeah,,,, wishes/dreams do come with an expiry date.

Then I thought,,,what can be the best way to wish someone??

If fulfillment of wishes can’t always guarantee happiness then what can guarantee happiness??

Then I thought about myself,,what makes me happy??

Years before if you would have asked me the same question,,my answer would have been “I’ll be happy,,,if I stand first in the class/essay competition/any other competition ,,,or if I’ll be selected house captain again or head girl or if I get that dress/shoes etc” or somethings. Years back,,this was the definition of happiness for me, perhaps that’s why the happiest day of my life then, was when I got 13th rank in the district in 8th standard results.

If you ask this question to me now,,then my answer will be, “I’ll be happy if I’ll get a job(because this is the thing that I need presently)” otherwise these days I’m always happy because I’ve loads of memories of my college life which are more than enough for me to make me happy,,I’ve world’s best friends as my friends,,,there are people who appreciate me for what I’m,,,my parents are proud of me(ofcourse,,they’ll feel more proud once I’m independent & start earning myself) and most importantly I’m living my life the way I want, and that’s why the happiest day of my life has been replaced by the last day of my college,,,the day when I was appreciated for the party I planned with my friends & the movie I made. And that was the day I learned that nothing can be more wonderful than having the friends like I have.

Years later if I’ve to answer the same question,,,my answer would be quite different I’m sure. Why I’m sure because I’ve the live example of my mother in front of me. I’m sure years back her definition of happiness would have been different but now all that makes her happy is-our happiness,,all she prays for is-our happiness,,nothing matters to her but our happiness.

So after thinking a lot, I end up wishing my friend “Loads of happiness” because unlike dreams or wishes happiness doesn’t come with an expiry date,,it has a rolling validity,,after every moment spent,,after every lesson learnt and after every dream realized,,,it changes its definition accordingly.

Stay happy :)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

That brand called love!!!



I was returning from my Java classes when I overhear a guy talking to someone on his mobile in a local bus. Well, I can’t say overhear because he was talking too loudly & I’m sure everyone around must have heard. From his words it was clear that the person on the other end was a girl & they were having an argument. The girl was angry with him because he had forwarded her number to someone & now that someone was troubling her. That someone was very close to that guy & I assumed that he couldn’t say no to him. Also it was clear that this guy & that girl were more than just friends though I can’t say if they were in a relationship. That guy was trying to cool her but she wasn’t ready to hear anything. He told under what circumstances he gave her number. It seemed that the girl had something for this guy & she trusted him a lot(just my assumption) but that guy ,,,hmmm,,,I can’t say if he was serious too and (again my assumption) he wanted her to be friends (actually more than that) with that someone. I felt so sick about the way he was treating that girl as a commodity,,he can’t keep it so he’s gifting it to someone else.

Though this whole episode had nothing to do with what I’m writing in this post(or maybe it has) but still I’ve included it.

Really “Love” has become a brand name; no wonder a million dollar industry is blooming on this name. It’s so funny how a beautiful feeling can be marketed to earn big bucks. Just walk into any gift store & you will find loads of love soaked things. It’s not that I’m against this. In fact it really feels got if someone demonstrates his/her feeling using these things but then,,,,do we actually know the real meaning of love????

These days, guys & girls just run into relationships just for the heck of being into a relationship because being single is just so uncool. Ask these people what they mean by love or how they feel for their partner, I’m sure they’ll go blank. With present day lovers as Romeo & Juliet, the play will become a spoof. Juliet telling Romeo, very causally, that’s she’s so sorry for him because she found someone else & that’s why she’s dumping him.

Of course everyone is not like that & thank god, there are still many exceptions, but still we really need to think about this.

Few days back, I was at a friend’s place & we were having a discussion about how some morons go mad for what they think is love. I mean, it’s okay, if you like someone but you can’t force anyone to like you back. I can’t use “Like” because even these people are not sure if its liking or infatuation. How can you say that you can’t live without him/her, when you never had him/her in the first place?

So don’t just jump to conclusions, there’s difference between liking & infatuation, between crush & love. For liking or loving someone you need to know that person. Just wait to have that much maturity in you where you can differentiate between things.

Guys, it’s not like others have a branded thing called love & you are still out of the league. Love isn’t a thing to show off or flaunt, love is an intangible feeling that you have in your heart.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Stay positive!!!


“Did she tell you what’s wrong with her?”

These were the words of a really caring & loving friend of mine, spoken at the time when I was facing a sort of problem about which I preferred to remain quite, the time when I behaved strangely, too strangely, a phase when I, myself, didn’t know what I was going through, so there wasn’t a question of sharing it with anyone else. But it is over now.

Now when I think about that phase or someone else reminds me of that,,all I feel about is EMBARRASSMENT . I can’t believe that I turned out to be such a moron at that time. I could have handled that very well but now all I can do is to laugh at that. Really it was so stupid of me to act like that.


Not only this,,there have been hundreds of such moments in my life which either makes me to laugh or feel embarrassed. Situations where I could have shown my maturity, patience & handled them well rather than to face them like morons. Anyways , I can’t do anything about them since it’s all past but I can just promise myself that I won’t act like that again. After all facing a problem is better option than running away from it.


It’s not just about me,,it must have happened with you also at any moment of life. I can’t help wondering, how feeble we turn out when we are facing some problem & how easily we can give lectures to others about staying positive & handling difficult times with patience. How easily we forget that no matter what sort of hardships we are facing,,that will pass soon,,all we need to do is,,,staying positive.

I hope from now onwards I’m always gonna remember this.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I've decided ;)



“Hazaron khwaaishein aisi ki har khwaaish pe dum nikle,
Bahut nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi kam nikle”

-Ghalib


Lying on the roof & gazing the night sky,,,I always wondered how far these stars are,,,,how vast this universe is. It was after I read about universe,,,I remember I couldn’t believe myself that this universe is so vast. Milky way,,never ceased to amaze me let alone this universe. And I always asked my Bade papa numerous questions about stars,,planets,,,satellites,,,whole universe actuallyand I was told that man has stepped on moon only then I grew up & got to know about space scientists & astronauts and I was damn sure that was what I wanted to be,,,an astronaut. Then years later,,,Kalpana Chawla’s incident happened and I was yet more determined. Though frankly speaking I didn’t know what I had to do to become an astronaut & I didn’t even try to know it :D


But then gradually I forgot about this & became more involved in school activities. I remember during one summer vacations,,,I discovered a TV serial on Doordharshan (that time doordarshan was famous,,though we had that dish and few cable channels also but still we watched doordarshan). The serial “AAROHAN” was a story about three girls (if I remember correctly) who wanted to join defense. Out of those three,,,two were selected for navy & after many hardships,,they became officers. That was it,,,I made up my mind to join defense. After that whenever I watched any movie related to defence,,,I was more determined about my goal. After kargil war & then after watching L.O.C. kargil (the movie),,I was sure that was what I wanted to become. Though again I didn’t know what I had to become a defense personnel & neither I tried to know it :D

Again I got more involved in my course books & forgot about this. I became more interested in literature. Oh don’t think that I started reading novels & all. It’s was just that I really liked the poetry & prose of my Hindi text books. It was the time when I started taking part in essay competitions in school & I always stood first in them. My interest grew more & more and I started reading newspapers also. And that was it,,,I made up my mind to became a writer. And again I didn’t know what I had to become a writer & neither I tried to know it :D

It was the time when I was in 10th & everyone knew what they were going to do & yet again my mind was blank. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor,,well he also wanted me to be an KAS officer,,,a lawyer,,,but doctor was his first preference. So I made up my mind to make my dad’s dream come true. Now this time for a change I knew that I had to clear an entrance exam to become a doctor.
But since it wasn’t my heart’s calling so I wasn’t that determined, I studied but not exactly worked hard & as expected I wasn’t able to clear the entrance exam for medical though I cleared Engineering entrance,,,my parents encouraged me to take up that & I too wanted to do that,,,,so here am I an ENGINEER.

It was after joining engineer I realized that the writer within me hadn’t died yet,,,so I again started writing (this blog actually),,,& thanks to the months long agitation in Jammu,,,I cultivated reading habit also. Two years have passed & I have read more than 40 novels & written more than 100 posts. And now I know what I have to do to become a writer. But I just wanna write one or two novels so I’ll write that after I’ve earned much & learned much.
And again it was during engineering only I came to know that the dream of joining defense hadn’t died too. So I gave an army interview & luckily I was called for SSB interview. It was just two months back I went for the interview & it was damn clear to me that I wanna join army only. Though I wasn’t recommended but still the experience was awesome. After coming back from SSB I thought again if joining army is all I wanted to do but the answer wasn’t clear. So I focused on other plan,,,that was searching for job here in Jammu till result of 8th semester is out, i.e. till September & then going to Delhi for job search. But while concentrating towards this plan I realized that my heart wasn’t completely with me in this decision because whenever I saw that SSB group picture or other pictures in my cell or the experience I wrote in my diary or the book I followed for SSB,,,there was a kind of strange feeling,,a feeling as if I’m going away from something very dear to me,,,I know it’s very stupid to say that but that’s what I felt. Whenever I talked to my SSB friend’s this feeling emerged with a profound effect.

I thought again & now I have made up my mind to join army because I know I won’t be happy if I’ll do something else. I’ll submitted the form for technical entry & it’s gonna be a direct SSB this time also. No matter if I won’t get recommended this time too,,,I’ll try again,,,atleast I’ll be satisfied that I tried.

So here my future plan,,,staying in jammu & doing job here till I get call letter for SSB interview then after SSB shifting to Delhi for job search :)


P.S. anyone who has been through SSB can drop advices & tips for me here ;)

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

One more Engineer :P


Hello friends,,,, so I’m back again.

I guess most of the times this is the starting line my my posts,,,,hmmmm,,,I really need to something about it.

Anyways ,,,,let me start,,,,hmmmm,,,,I was just going through the previous posts of my blog. Man!!!! What I’ve become,,,, philosopher ,,,spiritual guru or a confused personality,,,where’s the silly,,stupid yet simple & sweet vandana??? (well,,,,it feels nice to praise yourself,,,haven’t I told you this earlier :P )

So this posts is gonna be real simple,,,,,free from any mind swirling thoughts,,,,finally :)

Well,,,,it’s a great pleasure for me to tell you that now I’m an worthless,,, unemployed ENGINEER

Oh yeah,,,,I’ve done it (though result of last semester is still pending)

There had been times when the integration,,,differentiation,,,,many stupid mathematical formula,,,,,working of transistors,,,mechanics,,,heat flow,,,programming flew over my head,

There had been times when I had just prepared four questions for my major exam,

There had been times,,,night before exams when I studied with the hope that exams should get postponed,

There had been times when I desperately wanted 40 marks,

There had been times when I was sure of flunking ,,,but I didn’t,

There had been times when I was sure of flunking & I did :)

88 minors,,,,44 majors,,3 supplementary exams,,, 88 assignments,,,don’t have the count of lab tests,,,,but finally it’s over,,,,,,phew!!!!

So what I’m upto now????

Well you have to wait for my next post for knowing that ;)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Go with the flow!!

There are times when you are so confused about your life. You seek the answers & you fail to get them. Finally you gave up seeking answers & go with the flow. And then you realize that it’s the best thing to do,,,,just going with the flow.




Oh yeah,,,,if you are confused,,,you are in some problem & you don’t know what to do then just stop thinking & let your heart do whatever it wants to do. Let it fly freely ,,,,let it swim freely,,,let it run freely. I have been a great supporter of this ideology & recently I read something like this in a novel too. Oh yeah I still read novels. It has been ages since I’ve mentioned any novel in my blog,,,oh God how things change. Okay I’ll be back with details of novels I’ve read in the coming posts.

Anyways,,,this going with the flow,,,,I mean living in the present,,,not repenting over the past,,,not worrying about the future,,, is really great. It really changes your world. I’m following this & trust me,,,I’m so happy with my life now (though sometimes I face some strange kind of mood swings but that’s very rarely).

Also I’ve learned that it’s your life,,,whatever you’ll do will affect you only so make your decisions freely,,,stop worrying about what others will think,,,,stop thinking about what others will say,,,,it’s your life live it your way,,, at least you won’t regret that you didn't do that because of someone or you did this because of someone.

Nothing matters except :


LIVING IN THE PRESENT &

LIVING THE LIFE IN YOUR OWN WAY (without hurting anyone)


Oh god,,,I’m becoming philosopher,,,,hmmmm that happens when exams are around the corner & you still haven’t figured out how you are gonna get through them ;)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Is that all????

So here I’m again,,,,,again at one more turn of life,,,,after learning many things & after implementing many more. Sometimes I wonder why I’m doing this or why I’m doing that???? I mean where would it ultimately lead me to??? Okay,,, wherever it leads me,,,,will all these things matter then????

Some mind swirling thoughts that have been an integral part of me always,,,,these are the thoughts that make me to see the screwed up side of me,,,the emptiness in me,,,no matter how busy I try to be,,,these thoughts emerge from nowhere & stand in front of me. I try to find the real meaning of “being me”,,, being a human actually or being in this world but again I find myself walking around a circle.[

I’m 22 years of age,,,soon I’ll be an unemployed,,,worthless engineer. No, I’m not saying that I’m a loser, perhaps I’ve more than anyone could have ever desired,,,so much happiness around me but then is this the real happiness????

Getting a well paid job,,,a perfect soulmate ,,,is that all????

I mean just think,,,,,is that everything we want??? Is that what we call life??? That’s what we are here for????

I think & think a lot about it & then after getting no answer ,,,I move on,,,I give up thinking. Again I chat,,,I talk,,, I party,,,but still this thought bothers me,,,,

“Is that all,,,I’m here for??????”

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Confessions of a net addict

You know what,,,,,whenever I enter this world of “Internet” everything else cease to exist for me. Then it’s just me & this amazing world of “world wide website”. This virtual world is so beautiful that I forget everything else,,,I’m just too lost in it. Just one click opens the world of people like me (bloggers),,,one more click & I get to know whatever I want to,,,one more click & even my friends from real world are connected to me,,,,yeah one click,,,just one click & I’m in heaven. My worries,,,my restlessness ,,,my emptiness everything vanishes when I enter this world. People don’t understand why I’m addicted to this world,,,they keep on asking me what’s there in this virtual world,,,but they don’t know,,,my life is here,,,, “world becomes a better place when I go online”

I can open my heart ,,speak up my mind,, share my problems ,,I can be myself here. This world attracts me towards itself like a magnet. I just love this world.

But like any other kind of addiction,,this addiction also has its side-effects.

Let me share my experience with you.

I was like so addicted to this virtual world that I actually stopped sharing my problems with people in person. I could only speak up my mind only when I used to come online,,,I just needed a friend to be online,,no matter who & I spit out my mind and till now I’m facing this problem,,or I just spit it here on my blog. I remember once I was upset & when my friend asked me the reason,,I was quiet,,,,and then he said, “okay,,,I’ll read it in your blog.” I have to pretend that everything is fine with me because I can just type my mind,,,I can’t speak it.

Absentmindedness is also a gift of this addiction. Most of the time I was busy in my virtual world,,,I had no time for anything else. This virtual world & things related to it kept my mind busy & I started ignoring this real world. Height of this absentmindedness is that I lost my cell,,,sometimes I forget to say what I wanted to,,,sometimes I forget very basic things like if I have taken lunch or not. Once I received a call & I was asked how my was friend ABC,,,I was like “………………..” for few seconds I kept thinking who is ABC & then I remembered ABC is one of my best friends.

I’m still very good with my friends but this virtual world has really affected my relation with my family. When I’m asked is my mom or dad or anyone in family home or not,,,most of the time I don’t know the answer. Once my best friend from school asked me about my cousin (who is my best friend since childhood),,,very casually I told her that he’s home because I thought so but then she told me that she talked to him moments before & he was out of station and I felt so ashamed of myself. On other occasion when my same friend asked me how my project work was going on,,,I asked who told her about that,,,she replied that my di told her that,,,I was taken aback,,,I never share anything with my di,,,how come she knew about my project??? On asking di,,,I got to know that she heard me talking about project with my friends on phone. To be very honest I never know what’s happening in life of my di,,,though she gives every detail at home. I never know what choti is upto,,,whether mom or granny is home or not,,,what time dad returns from office,,,I’ve absolutely no knowledge.

A strange thing happened when I bought a new pair of shoes & went to college wearing those shoes. My best friend said very casually, “ohhh so you are wearing aunty’s shoes???” I thought she was pulling my leg as I’m not very good at shopping & shoes I really hate so maybe my choice wasn’t good. I replied, “these I bought yesterday only,,,these are mine”. To that she replied, “But aunty has same pair of shoes.” I was like “……….” I came back home,,,asked mom to show me her shoes & guess what??? My mom had same pair of shoes. My best friend,,,who visits my home occasionally knew what pair of shoes my mom has & I,who live in same house,,don’t know,,strange???

I don’t remember when I talked to my mom last time,,,or to my granny or to my dad,,, of course when I need something I do ask but without reason I don’t talk to them. I don’t even talk properly to my sisters,,,I remember ,I always looked forward to meet my cousin but now a days I don’t even know when he comes & when he leaves home???

“I’m getting late for college”,,, “I won’t have breakfast”,,, “I won’t have lunch”,,,, “okay,,I’m just coming for dinner”,,,, “I need money”,,,, “some important work came up so I got late”,,,, “don’t disturb me”,,,, “don’t eat my brain”,,,, “I’m gonna slap you now” ,,,, “none of your business”,,,,I never use anything beyond these words at home.

Now if you are wondering how this addiction brought these changes in me,,,then let me tell you,,,these are not sudden changes,,,these are gradual changes. I was just going through my personal diary & I noticed,,,how often I used to mention in it what was going on in my family,,,slowly & slowly my blog took place of my family,,,then I started mentioning about my blog,,,then about my accounts in social networking sites,,,,then about my new blogger friends,,,,finally it was just me & my virtual world.

And hey,,it’s not the first time I’m writing about my addiction here,,,I’ve mentioned it many times before also. Many times I’ve tried to get de-addicted to internet & to some extent I’ve succeded,,,I’ve deleted or deactivated most of my accounts from social networking sites,,,now it’s just blogger & gmail that I use. Earlier when I tried to get de-addicted,,,I hadn’t thought of these side-effects,,,it was just days before when all these things came in my mind.

It has been seven months when my mamu was diagnosed with last stage of lung cancer & brain tumor. Things were very gloomy then. My mom being very emotional person,,,perhaps the most emotional person I’ve ever known,,,,cried her heart out for about days. But as they say time heals every wound so soon she accepted the truth. Since then she was telling me to visit him once,,,but I didn’t ,,,,I had some reasons but that’s a different issue. Only once I visited & that too I had to work on my seminar & my computer wasn’t working. Mom used to visit him twice or thrice a week. Last week,,,he got too serious,,,stopped talking,,,medicines stopped working ,,,he was in great pain. It had been three days since mom was there,,,but being in same house I didn’t know anything. Even dad visited everyday but I was unaware,,,I got to know about the matter when my granny told me that she’s gonna visit my mamu. I decided that I’ll visit him the next day but there was no next day,,,,,,,he left this world before I could visit him.

No matter how much my mom insisted me in past to visit her brother just once,,,,now she won’t ever mention that. In past one week I have seen my mom twice only,,,,and both times tears were accompanying her and trust me nothing can be worse than watching your mom like that. No matter how much I want to comfort her,,,I can’t because I’ll always have that guilt.

It feels better to have confessed everything here.

I’m really trying hard to bring some changes,,,but since these side-effects did not appear overnight so they won’t go overnight,,,,I’ve to work hard to start living in the real world,,,,no matter how beautiful this virtual world appears to me.

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