Saturday, May 30, 2009

Conversation with GOD

Vandana,,,,now you have found new friends na???? So you don’t need me anymore”,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and then I was drowned in the flood of her tears. After listening this & watching her weeping,,,,,I couldn’t utter a single word. I had no right to say anything then. But that really took me back to the times that we had spent together,,,,,,,right from the mid-session of 4th standard to the moment she said those words,,,that was,,,,,mid session of 10th standard,,,,,, 6 years,,,,,,,,,,,,goddamn,,,,,,its not a small time,,,,,,then how come I forgot her. I asked everyone else to come to my home except her,,,,,,,,,how could I do that?????? Not only this I had been ignoring her from the past two years,,,,from the moment I got I got a sort of friend I had always dreamt of. Why the hell I didn’t ever think of her?????? Why I didn’t see that pain in her eyes?????? Why I left her like this when I knew what I meant to her?????


Time passed,,,,,,,she learnt to live without me,,,,,got new friends. There was something in her eyes that always prevented me to make an eye contact with her,,,,,because of what I did to her,,,,still we were like good friends,,,,,,if not best. Now I get to see her very rarely,,,,,though she doesn’t live too far from here but I don’t have the courage to face her,,,,,,,,,I admit that. I can forget everything that happened between us but I can’t forget her,,,,,,one reason being that we have common name,,,,,, “Vandana”


Now when I’m facing an exact situation,,,,I don’t want the history to repeat,,,,,,,,,,but still I’m doing nothing,,,,,,,I just think that I’ll do this but then I don’t.

Oh God,can you help me?


God : yes, my dear child.


Me : I’m struck in this hell. When I look myself in mirror my refection seems to ask, “who the hell you think you are?????? Just because you think you really don’t need anyone,,,,,,,,,,you’ll keep hurting others,,,,,,,,it’s not about these two girls,,,,it’s about many others,,,,,when you are gonna realize that even they also don’t need you,,,you keep on telling others ,,,,,you’ll live alone,,,,it’s not your choice ,,,,,,,it’s your compulsion ,,,,,,,you got no other option left,,,,stop doing what are you doing ,,,,,,,and start thinking the other way around” what I’m supposed to do now?

God : oh child,,,,, See,,,,,,as you keep on saying whatever happens, happens for the good,,,,,,,so there must be something good in it,,,,there’s certainly something good in it.

Me : what’s good in it? I mean I’m messed up with relations,,,,,,,,,I can’t fulfill expectations of others but I’m trying my level best. And everyone is just walking out of my life,,,,,,the few who are left will walk out soon,,,even you think so.

God : just zip it up & listen to me

Me : why you are talking like me?

God : silly,,it’s beause I’m a part of you.

Me : oh yeah!!

God : okay listen now,,,,,,no one will walk out,,,,see whatever is happening around,,,,is a sort of examination that life is imposing on you. You have faced similar situations ,,,,,,,,so you know how to get out of these,,,,,,,,,I just want to check if you still remember what you have learnt

Me : But why this is happening again & again,,,,,,,,I mean like,,,,,,,isn’t one examination enough?

God : Sweety,,,it’s just that I really love you,,,in fact I love all my children,,,,,,,and I want you to learn all these lessons by heart,,,,,,,because then,,,,,,,,,,the life will be a smooth journey for you,,,,,,just few bumps & pits now,,,and its gonna be a smooth road ahead

Me : But this tough road seems to be endless.

God : you are saying this??? You remember you were like so happy few days back,,what now??

Me : well,,you planned it for me,,,,,,so you know better.

God : oh child, I don’t plan anything. It’s you who plan your life. I have given you power to think & implement your thoughts,,,,,,so do that & remember I’m always there with you.

Me : hmmmmmmm,,,,,,that means I have to solve it myself but I don’t see any way.

God: Remember ,,,sepo was telling you that you always have n number of ways,,,,,,,,,that was my voice actually.

Me : yeah,,,I remember & I remember how I controlled my tears then,,,,,,,,,,but yeah now I'll surely search for the right way from those n ways.

God : anything else?

Me : yup,,,,,,,what about the people who are walking out of my life?

God : sweety,,,,,,,,,it’s not your fault,,,,,,I mean you made a mistake,,,,,,you realized that,,,,you felt guilty for it,,,,,you learnt a lesson,,,,,that’s it. And sweety,,,,,,,,you know it takes loads of courage to admit your mistake,,,,,,,I’m glad that you did that. Doesn’t matter if you have to face hardships now,,,,,,,,,and remember even this won’t last forever.

Me : so,,,,,,,,,,,they’ll come back?

God : (laughs) not necessarily

Me : but I desperately want them back.

God : that’s what you think now,,,,,,,,firstly think of the bigger picture,,,,,,,,and if you still want them back,,,,,,,I can easily get them for you,,,,,,,but trust me then either you’ll already have them with you or you would have learnt to live without them.

Me : I’m confused

God : (laughs) oh sweety,,,,,,,,,,,you need not to be. Just be patient.

Me : okay,,,,,,I’ll be

God : anything else?

Me : what about my present problem?

God: you have faced a similar situation so you know what to do

Me : you & your riddles

God : (laughs) you are so cute. Just have patience ,,,,,,,everything will be fine. It’s just that I want you to learn something otherwise I always want my children to be happy & free from problems

Me : hmmmm,,,,,,,I’m so tired,,,,,,,I don’t want to learn anything now.

God: I didn’t expected this kind of behavior from your side.

Me: LOL,,,,,,,,you are sounding like Tina ma’m

God : silly,,,,,,she sounds like me,,,,,anyways just keep smiling like this,,,,,,anything else?

Me : enough for now

God : okay then take care

Friday, May 29, 2009

The day we celebrated her b'day & i conquered my fear !!!!

Bhuj taan gaye ,,assi tere nayan dekh ke,,ki gal hai koi dil te lagoyi hove gi,,,,,,,,,,,Mere agge chutha jeya hass chanderi,,,,,,main jaan da ae tu vi kina roi hovegi”
(it means, "I can make it out from your eyes that something has hurt you,,,,,,,this is a fake smile,,,,,,,,,I know how much you have wept")

(I don’t know exact lyrics)

Okay okay,,,,,,,,I’m not gonna sing any more,,,,,,,,so stop throwing your shoes,,,chappals,,,,,,,,,eggs,,,,tomatoes & other stuff on me,,,,,,,,,,but then is this song so bad,,,,,,,,,just c’mon guys,,,,,,Punjabi songs rock ,,,,,,,,,,& Punjabi sad songs,,,,,,,,,,,,I just love them

Stop making your assumptions,,,,,this post isn’t about music. It’s about me,,,,,my friend & my fear,,,,,,, and this song fit like glove for her.

(blurred pic,,,,,,still her favorite & that's why mine )
Exactly one week has passed since her birthday but since we people were hell busy in college & stuff so didn’t celebrate her birthday,,,but today we were in party mood so we went to party together. Well,,,,its always fun to party with friends & this was no exception. We had great fun. Five gals,,,,,,so much nonsense but even more fun. During all the fun going around,,,,,,,,,I observed the communication gap or whatever you may call it,,,that was developing between me & my friend from the past one month. Though few weeks back I called her,,,,,,,everything else is in the post “I’ll be there for you!!!!!!!!!”,,,,,,,,,,,,and I thought now everything would be fine but still the story was same. Fault was mine,,,,,,as I thought everything would get fine by itself but it didn’t. One of our common friends who’s close to her also told me that how much she was longing for me & how much she wept after reading that post. I felt bad. I hadn’t discussed this problem with anyone except one friend,,,,,,but since he talked about this so I opened the flood gates,,,and ,,,discussed everything. I told him about a letter that I had written for her ages ago but couldn’t bring myself to give that to her just because of the fear that I would spoil everything. Then came her birthday,,,,I was trying to call her but her number was busy ,,,,,just then I got a message from my friend that she was weeping,,,,,,goddamn,,,,,,again I felt so bad,,,I should had given that letter to her.
12:25 am,,,,,,,,,, finally the bell rang,,,,,,,,she picked the phone,,,,,,,,,,,I wished her,,,,,,,,thought that I should talk to her about that,,,,,,,,,,,,but again that fear,,,,,,,,,less than one minute & the call ended.

The same morning,,,,,,,again a busy day,,,,,,,saw her,,,,,,,,,didn’t go to her,,,,,,because of the guilt that she was weeping for me when everyone else was wishing her,,,,,,,,I crossed her many times that day but,,,,that guilt stopped me to talk to her.
I went to class,,,,,,,,,she wasn’t there,,,,,,,,,,,,,,as she was really upset,,,,,,,, reason being me again. My other friend was standing outside the class,,,,,,,,,,asking me to come outside,,,,,,,,,,,so that he could help us to talk,,,,,,,but ma’m entered the class,, plan flopped ,,,,,,I couldn’t do anything that day,,,,,,,,,,,,,,goddamn,,,,,,,,,,,,,I spoiled her birthday

From then till now,,,,,my other friend asked me a thousand times to give that letter to her but I always found that fear standing in my way.

So today after,,,,,three of my friends left,,,,,,,,,,we two were alone,,,,,,,coming back to home,,,,,,,,,I asked her to get a drink for me (just a juice,,,,,,,,no vodka,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,though I would love to have it,,,,,,,,just kidding ),,,,,,,,,,,she was in front of me,,,,,,,,I struggled a lot ,,,,,,finally,,,,,,,took that letter that I had written about a month ago,,,,,,,,,,handled it to her,,,,,,,,,asked her to read that in front of me. After she finished it,,,,,,,,,,,I took it back,,,asked her to say something ,,,,,just to break that ice. She said that she had nothing to say,,,,,,then she told me that she wept after reading that post in my blog. During this whole conversation,,,,,,,,,I was pretending that I’m transferring something from her cell to mine,,,,,,,,,just because I couldn’t make eye contact with her,,,,,,,that guilt stopped me from doing that. It was getting late,,,,,,we had to leave for home,,,,,,,before leaving I hugged her then kissed her( stop doubting,,,,,she’s straight,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& of course me too,,,,,,LOL)
Then I said, “Sorry, I hurt you a lot but from now onwards,,,,I’ll try my level best to be with you”.
Then I watched her leaving,,,,,,it was such a pleasing scene ,,,,I was in seventh heaven,,,,,,,,,,,I conquered my fear,,,,,,,,,I took from cell from my bag,,,,,gave a missed call to my friend,,,,,,,,,,he called back,,,,,,,,,,,told him about all this,,,,,,,he was happy for both of us but not more than me.

I just hope now I won’t ever hurt her & everything will be fine

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Finally the final is over!!!!!!!!

If you thinking that it’s about your favorite EYEEEEEEE PEEEEEEEEEE ELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL,,,,,,,then you are absolutely right,,,,,,,it’s not just about IPL,,,,but yeah it has a bit of IPL . I’m too happy that finally it’s over,,,,,,,huh,,,,,,,,I didn’t watch much of the matches but yeah I watched the final,,,,,,,,and that too only last overs but they were full of excitement & action. I wonder how come I dislike IPL,,,,,,,,I mean I was a cricket fanatic. I knew all the latest updates ,,,,,,all players & their statistics,,,,,,,,hard to believe,,,,,,,,,gals & cricket,,,,,,,,,,,but I was crazy about it. Then I remember,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how mad I was about Irfan Pathan. I kept on snooping into newspapers to get cuttings of his pics,,,,,,collecting his posters,,,,watching all his interviews,,,,,,I still have a collage of him in my room. But now everything has changed. May be then I had an influence of my cousin,,,,but now since he isn’t here my likings have changed. Who knows??? May be it’s for good.

Now coming to ECCENTRONICS’09,,,,my college event,,,,,,,,its over finally & it was a grand success. There were a total of nine events. I took part in six,,,,,,,,wasn’t allowed for seventh,,,,,,,,eigth was organised by me & ninth,,,,not of my use.
Stood third in two events,,,,,,,first in one,,,,disqualified for one for being absent,,,screwed up one event,,,event organized by me was a hit also. I did a bit of comparing also without stammering ;)

I don’t give a damn to winning or losing as I was actively involved in organizing this whole thing & that’s what matters actually.

I treasured every moment of this whole event,,,,,,,,,the time the idea of this event was conceived to the completion of this event. It was really a roller coaster ride. At many moments ,,,,,,,,many tried to suppress it but as they say “Where there’s a will,,,there’s a way”. We had a strong will & there was a way,,,,,,,,,,but full of hurdles,,,,,,,,,still we treaded the path full of obstacles & finally we proved that, “Jako rakhe saayeya,,,,mar sake na koi”

Because of this event I made a lot of new friends,,,,,,,,my seniors,,,,,,,guys I wanna say you truly rock,,,,,,,,,,,,be the same forever,,,,,,,,,,I’m gonna miss you all

Monday, May 25, 2009

My yes,,,,ruined my world!!!!

I’m really very angry,,,,,,,not excatly angry but upset,,,,hmmmmmmmmm,,,,,not exactly upset but disturbed,,,, aaannnnnnnn,,,,,,,,,,,,not exactly disturbed but furstrated,,,,, hmmmmmmmmmm ,,,,,not exactly frustrated but……………

Actually I don’t have the exact words to describe my feelings right now.

This post,,,,,,,,,I really don’t know where it came from,,,,,,,,,,I wanna write something else but the circumstances have made me to write this shit only.

God,,,,,,,,I feel like crying to my heart’s content right now.


Mera basa basaya ghar ujad gaya

I ruined my own world

But……………………
It’s my entire fault. I get so lost in things that I forget everything else. Actually this thing has always been a problem for me. Mom & friends always keep on telling me this but I’m too stubborn to listen to them & of course too passionate about some things, that I forget everything else. So when my cousin was telling me that the virus in my PC can’t be removed & it needs to be formatted , I was busy in making a report then so without even giving a thought to what he was saying , I said, “YES, DO IT” & this “YES” ruined my world.

I lost the treasure of my memories,,,,,,,,,,,,all those priceless pics,,,,,,,,,,,,,those nostalgic videos,,,,,,,,,,,,,unique collection of e-books,,,,,,,,,,,,,,important documents,,,,,,,,,,,softwares ,,,,,,,,,,& even I don’t know what else?????????

I was so frustrated, that I started eating the brain of a friend of mine then,,,,,,,guys you are lucky that you were not online otherwise I would have eaten up your brains also. Thanks G for listening to me.

But then I thought I can’t sit like this ,,,,,,,,,,have to do something. So I gathered all my strength,,,,,,,,,went to my cousin ,,,,,,,,,,,got some important softwares back & now I’m here with all my strength ,,,,,,,,,,,,scribbling all my feelings here in my blog,,,,,,,and,,,,,,,finally I’m feeling a lot better

As they say, “Whatever happens,,,,,,,,happens for the good” & even I keep on saying that life is the greatest teacher ,,, so it taught me yet another lessons ,,,these are:

1) To think twice before you say “YES”
2) To have a backup of your important documents

3) To keep my cool always, as even I don’t know what I said to my cousin in angry,,,,,will say sorry tomorrow


I’m thinking that finally I’m free now as the event is over but I guess,,,,,,,,,now I’ll be more busy as now I have to gather my scattered treasure without missing a bit of it. Fingers crossed,,,,,,,,,,hope I’ll get all of it back.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Those sparkling eyes!!!!!!!!!!


Kaise samjhaun tumhe,,,,mera pehla pehla pyar hai yeh,,,,,,,,,aankhon mein aitbaar hai yeh…………”
Oh no,,,it’s not my first love,,,,,,,,not even second,,,,,,,,,,wait,,,,,,,at the first place it’s not about love.
It’s just the song that I was listening few moments back,,,,while having a walk on roof & enjoying the cool breeze & the night sky.

Let’s rewind the scene by few hours,,,,,,,,,,,,,
………..
………………………….
……………………………………………..
I came from college,,,,,,,totally exhausted ,,,,,,,threw my bag on bed,,,,,took a bottle from fridge,,,,,,,had a sip of water,,,,,,,,sat on bed & started thinking about what happened yesterday,,,,,what actually is happening now a day’s & what’s gonna happen in future???

Yesterday I screwed up everything. I actually stammered on stage,,,,,,,one of the greatest phobia that I ever had. At that moment I felt like Hari of “Five Point Someone”. Probably, even I should have tried few shots before screwing up everything. Just a thought,,,,,,,,I know I can’t ever do that. But still it was fun,,,,I mean I learnt something & I’ll always laugh when I’ll remember this.

Now what’s going on these days????? I’m not keeping good health,,,,,can’t enjoy with friends,,,,,,totally lost in my own world,,,,,absent mindedness,,,,,totally screwed up in college life,,,,,and there’s no other way around.

What will happen in future???? We are trying to make an event a hit but everyone else is trying to suppress it. For college events I have missed a lot of classes & if this particular event won’t happen,,,,,I’ll be left with nothing. Less than a month for my final exams of 6th semester,,,,,,,,,,but this time I really don’t have any idea how I’m gonna give exams. Second minors & lab tests still to go,,,,,,,second assignments of all subjects pilling up. Result of 5th semester will be out within a few days & I’m expecting a backlog.In short,,,,,,,everything around me is just freaking me out.

After having this analysis,,,,,,,,I went to wash my face. When I washed it & looked up in the mirror,,,,,,,,,,I saw myself,,,,,skin so tanned,,,,,,,,,,all thanks to the burning sunlight,,,,,,,,,dark circles,,,,,hair so messy,,,,,my face was actually reflecting my illness. All the energy was flushed away from my face,,,,,,,,,but then I saw those beautiful sparkling eyes,,,,,,,,,,yeah,,,,,,,,,,,,,they still had that luster ,,,,,not a bit affected by my illness,,,,,,,,they still had all those big & small dreams,,,,,, a fire to achieve everything,,,,,,,,,,,,still not willing to give up.

Just then I made it a point,,,,,,,,,,,never to give a damn to anything because I know I can do it,,,,,,,if not at once then at second trial,,,,,,,,,,,a third also doesn’t matter ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but I can do it

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Events, events, events ,,,huh

Were you worried about me???????
(LOL what a joke)
“Nahhhhhh”
Okay,,,then must have missed me????
“Nahhhhhh”
At least my posts??????
Now please don’t say nahhhhh,,,,,,,,,,just to keep my heart say yes.

Actually I was hell busy in college events. Firstly there was a small function the occasion of telecommunications day & I was one of the four organizers who organized this event, Eko, Sepo & Lee were the other three,,,wow it rhymes,,,of course it has to,,,as now I'm trying to be a poetess as well,LOL. Events included in this function were paper presentation, Rangoli competition & painting competition.Except for few flaws, the whole event was a success.
(Some of the Rangolis)
Then there were preliminary rounds for another function, ECCENTRONICS 09, an event organized by Electronics & Communications Department. There are a total of nine events in ECCENTRONICS 09 & I’m participating in 6 events. Actually I wanted to participate in 7 events but since I was already selected for 3 events so organizers didn’t allowed me to sit in prelims of that event. Well, two liters of my blood increased when one of my senior said, “Ma’m this gal is a multi-talent package. She gets selected in every event, so we can’t allow her for this event.”
Out of these nine events I’m organizing Photography, so can’t take part in that event but yeah & I’m capturing all the emotions of ECCENTRONICS 09. Guess what, I got another tag, title or whatever, in my kitty, VANDANA- the photographer.
Well, we keep hell busy in making posters, collecting money, adding new ideas, making notices, making batches, etc, etc. but we love it. Hope the whole events rocks. Fingers crossed.

And to add more to these whole events stuff, today there was a cultural event, RENDEZVOUS. Well, this event got nothing to do with me, as neither I was the organizer nor did I participated, but yeah I enjoyed a lot. Hey wait, I made tattoos on dancing group who got first prize, and I painted their faces also, so indirectly I was the part of this event also.

(From left to right Nirneet, V.P. bhaiya, Mann bhaiya (group leader),I don't remember the name of this guy (he's from M.C.A.), then Gaurav bhaiya(the organizer of this event), and the last one is Govind)

Being busy in all this, I totally ignored my passions of blogging & reading. This reminds me, I have to complete two novels & one book which I started few weeks back. And yeah, I ignored my health as well, But I’m not complaining, two reasons for this, one I love being busy, and two I always wanted to have these kinds of events in my college.

These events also brought me closer to my seniors & juniors also. And, believe me, this thing is hurting me like hell, because our seniors will be leaving this college soon, so I won’t be able to enjoy like this with them and even we’ll be leaving next year, so don’t have much time to enjoy with our juniors as well. Really I’ll miss these moments of my college life.

P.S. Is this post senti?? I mean people were complaining that I was spamming my blog with senti posts, so just for a change, I’ve published this

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I'll be there for u !!!!

"So no one told you life was going to be this way
your jobs a joke,
you're broke,

your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year
but..
I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...”


(Title track of my all time favorite TV show F.R.I.E.N.D.S. & the song that I keep on singing,,,almost 100 times a day )


Well I can sing this song for someone,,,,hmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,not someone particularly but for all my friends but then it’s not easy to follow it for so many people. For few it is applicable ,,,except for the last line,,,which I guess I won’t be able to sing it for any particular one,,,because all my friends were not always there for me,,,some were there at some times & others were there at the other times. Hey,,,I’m not blaming anyone or complaining against anything,,,it’s just I admit it myself that I’m too complex to be understood ,,,though I appear to be a lot simpler,,,,& now after having learnt a million lessons ,,I have broken all the bonds which were making me weak & because of which I expected many things from others. So now I don’t expect anything from others ,,,,oh God,,,I have mentioned it a thousand times in my blog,,,,,so just for a change let me say that I’m like a free radical now.




Wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,does it mean that you should totally forget the person for whom you were or maybe you still are one among his or her best buddies???? Just because at some times or maybe at many times,,,you were hurt by that friend,,,you should start avoiding him or her???? Without thinking that maybe it was done unintentionally ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,& hey wait,,,did you ever tell that person that you are being hurt???? Ohhh,,,you haven’t then why the hell you think that your friend can make it out himself or herself??? Is he or she a psychic???? It isn’t necessary that others will understand you all the times,,, so you should be ready to handle this also. Right??? Tiffs & misunderstandings are common in friendship but they shouldn’t last longer .But you were too impatient,,,so in fury,,,without thinking logically,,,just for the heck of taking revenge you said something that hurt your friend even more. These are the times when devil takes control over your senses & you spoil everything around you.

This is my story. After having done this,,, I was behaving like it doesn’t matter to me,,,I was like totally full on masti,,,not giving a damn to what my friend was going through,,,though I knew very well what I mean to her ,,,or I can say,,, I knew it very well that I’m the only one for her & she can’t share with anyone what she can share with me. Maybe because that devil was still controlling my senses,,I was doing this stupid thing. But then one day,,,sitting next to each other,,,I felt like,,, a deep gorge was formed between us,,,& none among us was taking the initiative to fill it up. I was still happy,,,talking to everyone ,,,,doing all that mast stuff,,& she was like totally lost. I saw her,,,& in her eyes I saw how much she was longing for me,,,goddamn,, I felt so bad then,,,she was pretending she was fine & I was pretending as if I didn’t care. But somewhere I did care & then I felt so guilty for all what I had done. So I thought to fill that gorge myself. Though we were still talking formally but I couldn’t make myself to talk to her about that topic. But today,,I gathered all my courage,, & called her,,,just my “Hello” & she started like anything,,as if she was waiting eagerly for this,, ,we talked for about half an hour. I felt really good,,,finally I made up for my mistake. I won't ever talk about that topic,,,I promise this to myself,,as I know that will hurt her like hell. But now she's happy & I'm also happy for her,,God,, I feel like I have conquered another battle. Yippee!!!

When I was writing this,,my cell was flooding with her messages,,,& in her messages I could see how happy she must have been while sending them.

I can’t tell her all this directly,,,so through my blog I wanna tell her, “Sweety,,you are gonna be my friend forever & I’ll be there for you always,,,,love you”

Monday, May 4, 2009

What does being in love mean?????????

"Kis taraf hai aasman?? kis taraf zameen?? Khabar nhi??”
When I’ll fall in love,I’ll sing this song.
aannnnn,,,,,,,,,,hmmmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,wait,,,,,,,,,,,no,,no,,,no,,,not this one
I’ll sing
kyu chalti hai pawan,,,,kyu,,,kyu,,,,kyu???” I don’t remember what next??
hmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,not this one also,,,,I’ll sing “jane tu ,,jane tu ya jaane na???”
Hell no,,,,not this,,but then,,,wait ,,,,does being in love mean that you have to go crazy & sing songs when you know it very well,,,that the puppy wandering in your street can sing better than you.
Then what the hell being in love means?????????????
I don’t know ,,,,,since I have decided that I’m gonna live alone so ,,,let me be away from this thing,,,,don’t ask much as I’m not gonna explain why,,,,I’m here in search of the answer to this question not to have an analysis of my life,,,,,so just concentrate on the question (as my teahers always say,,LOL)

Let me just try to answer this,,,through my personal experiences,,,,wait ,,,not mine,,,,but others which they have shared with me.

First possible answer:
May be being in love means to see a gal,,,fall in love with her,,,so called love at first sight,,,make your friends mad as you yourself are going crazy for that gal,,telling everyone around you,,,watchman of your college,,,your milkmaid,,or your milkman,,,your newspaper guy,,,street dog,,,cows,,pigs,,& whosoever comes in your way,,,that you are gonna die if you won’t get that gal. Then after a week,,,I mean after trying a hell lot of ways to talk to that gal but all in vain,,,,you realize that it was just an infatuation,,,but somewhere you forgot that a week before you were saying, “Guys, this ain’t infatuation ,,I’m really really in love & I wanna get that gal”,,,then you start hitting on a gal ,,,the same gal whom your friend likes,,,,but you don’t remember this now.

Conclusion: may be being in love means having memory loss.

Second possible answer:
Again ,,,seeing a gal,,,then talking to her,,,,more talking,,,,now on cell,,,,exchanging a hell lot of messages,,,,going on dates,,,making all your friends to meet your so called GF,,,,then ending this relationship just because there’s some problem,,,,I mean either her parents have problem or yours,,,,,but this is not the end,,,,picture abhi baaki hai mere dost,,,,then you find another gal,,,again whole episode repeats,,,,,still continuing,,,but now you don’t talk about your ex,,,,may be you have forgotten her completely

Conclusion: again the same conclusion ,,being in love means having memory loss.

Third possible answer:
You & a gal are very good friends,,,,,you share many things with her,,,then suddenly you start feeling that you are in love so now you want her to be your official GF so you purpose her,,,,she rejects it ,,,saying same typical old lines, “we are very good friends,,,,but I haven’t ever thought that way about you,,,so…………”
Uhhhh,,,,,with a broken heart ,,,you become a devdas for sometime but then you start searching for more options,,,,again a gal,,,this time not your friend,,,purposing her,,,getting rejection,,,doesn’t matter,,,tu nhi toh koi aur sahi,,,,one more gal,,,,again not your friend,,,, purposing her,,,getting rejection,,,,,,again tu nhi toh koi aur sahi,,,koi aur nhi toh koi aur sahi,

Conclusion: being in love means a continuous search for good options.

Fourth possible answer:
Again that love at first sight,,,,,going crazy for her,,,,wandering all over the college just to get a glimpse of her,,,then finally getting all your strength together & telling her that you love her,,,she rejects but still you keep on loving her ,,,now for almost three years,,,,finally you realize that you are not gonna get her so you finally give up but still crying for her when you are alone.

Conclusion: making life miserable for yourself

Fifth possible answer:
Having crush on someone,,,purposing her or him,,,,getting an acceptance,,,,dating ,,,,spending time together,,,but saying , “everyone has a GF or BF. It doesn’t mean you have to spend your life with that person” or “ I have done so much for him or her so that means I’m gonna spend my life with him or her

Conclusion: Sorry guys,,,I can’t conclude anything from this.

Sixth possible answer:
Liking someone,,,purposing,,getting acceptance on some terms,,,,then going absolutely crazy for that person,,,refusing to hear anything against that person,,,doing whatever that person says,,,,without thinking if that is right or wrong,,,,weeping like hell when that person stops talking to you or starts avoiding you.

Conclusion: being in love means losing your senses.

Seventh possible answer:
Liking someone,,,not purposing,,just because you know that’s never gonna happen,,,still telling your feelings to that person,,,then spending all your life alone,,,just waiting for some miracle to happen.

Conclusion: being in love means to be mad

Hmmmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,,,there are still a few more possible answers but now I want answers from you people,,,,,so just leave a comment & tell me ,,,,,,,I’m waiting……………………

P.S. :-I have to get a definite result for my research,,,beause only then I’ll be able to publish that in some science or love magazine ;)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

with all new pink look,,,cheers to life !!!

So now when I’m so happy from inside ,,,my outlook towards life has changed. Everything around me seems to be so beautiful,,,so full of life. Now nothing hurts me,,, the feelings of fear,,worry,,anger have vanished. I feel like living my life to fullest,,,enjoying every little moment,,,spreading happiness around me,,,listening to anyone’s whatsoever crap just to make him or her happy ,,not just to make them happy, I enjoy listening to them,,,bringing out beauty of everything & everyone around me,,,cherishing & admiring the assets of nature. Though I still wanna tell that I have no desire to live but I have to live so till I’m alive I wanna live my life to fullest ;)
So just cheers to life
Now since everything seems to be full of life then why not my blog???
So I thought of giving this new look to my blog.
These pinkish blossoming,,beautiful flowers signify the new vibrant energy that is I’m experiencing in my life. Moreover, it’s a girl’s blog so it has to be pink. Hmmmm,,,,not a good logic but yeah I like pink. And as my brother-cum-friend says “Pink se panga mat lena” ,,,,so here goes a message for my friends who often tease me for running this blog,,”Guys don’t you dare to take panga with pink”

Friday, May 1, 2009

my rhyming situation ;)

Life is a strange puzzle, riddle , whatever,

I got betrayed, I trusted whosoever.

I thought may be relations have only this much scope,

I tried to make up for their mistakes, thinking that there’s still a little hope.

I gathered positive energy in the form of motivating rays,

So then I tried a hell lot of new ways.

While doing this I gave myself so much pain,

But again all my efforts & what I did was in vain.

I’m too stubborn saying no to giving up,

When I can clearly see the relations breaking up.

Still I’m doing the same things, now on a slow pace,

But I don’t seem to be getting out of this phase.

I was criticized by others & criticized by friends even more,

When I was just trying to give someone a comforting tone.

Everyone seemed to hurt me, giving my soul numerous wound,

I thought I have so many friends but a true friend was still not found.

Now I have put on the spectacles & cloak of goodness, everything seems to be so beautiful,

But when I snoop into others life, I can see that the life is still so painful.

I wish I could eradicate this pain & do something,

But then I’m a human, I ain’t a God so I can’t do anything

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