Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Alone in the crowd!!!!

“……………always there to help my friends, whenever & wherever they need me!!”
Easy to say but difficult to implement. I tried a lot but now I accept, I have failed & I’m a loser. Yippee!!! Another big achievement for me & one more tag in my kitty,,,,self given tag,,,whatever!!!!
It’s an amazing feeling to have so many friends ,,,,it’s even more amazing to say that almost all my classmates are my friends,,,,I have experienced this. When that conversion from a classmate to a friend begins ,,,it feels great,,,so many people around you whom you can call your friends. You feel so special that you are being given so much importance,,,,,& it’s not like that you are just taking that importance or whatever but even you are giving the same,,,,,you are trying to do up to their expectations.

While fulfilling everyone's expectations,,,, I forgot that even I have a life of my own,,, even I have problems,,,but they hold least priority,, that's what I thought. Even I want to share many things that I have buried deep in my heart,,but whenever I'm about to say something,, I'm interrupted by the person sitting before me,, & I think let it remain in my heart only &let the person sitting before me share whatever he or she wants to as I think may be that person also doesn't find someone with whom he or she can share that emotional part of him or her. Moreover,, I thought no one can understand what I wanna tell,,because somewhere I think I'm too complex to understand,, it may be just my thinking but I feel so. That's why I never had courage to show that part of me to anyone,, I was afraid of being laughed at.So I thought about scribbling my thoughts here in my blog thinking that at least someone will read & that's more than enough for me,, may be after reading you'll also laugh but I'm not there to see na?? And now even I'm adapted to this kind of environment where you can have only ears to listen but no mouth to speak,,, oh yeah a mouth to speak words that can heel other's wounds or that speaks what others want to hear,,, but thank God still there are hands to scribble a few feelings & thoughts . Many people who know me personally will be astonished as I have never showed this part of me,, but here in my blog I can't have that mask which says that I'm happy & I don't have any problem. I don't think I could have shared this with anyone personally,, I don't have that much courage,, I accept. I tried fulfilling everyone's expectations but again that thing applies here,,,we are human beings after all, not God,,,so somewhere even I have failed to fulfill that expectations,,,I admit it,,,,I tried a lot but………….
So many people,,,,,,so many expectations,,,,,,,but only one Vandana,,,,,so guys I’m here to make a confession that finally I have given up,,,one thing that I never thought I’ll do but I’m. May be I'm exaggerating,,, but it's what I feel.

Okay I don’t expect anything from anyone but I can’t make others to do so. Decision was tough but I had taken it,,,let’s see for how long I can follow that. So from now onwards,, its gonna be one man's,, err,, one girl's army....

14 comments:

art2eye said...

tap tap tap... (droplets of water from eyes)....sobs sobs sobs...

while reading I thought as if I am saying all these words to my friends (during my college days)...

But people like to speak out their views, feelings and want somebody to listen to their 'what-so-ever' crap....nobody wants to listen someone else patiently...

"You can find best of the speakers in market, but you can't find even a single good listener."
---MS

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

tap tap tap... (droplets of water from eyes)....sobs sobs sobs...

oh yeah
that's what I was doing while writing this post thinking that it'll relieve but it didn't

may be there are good listeners around but i'm not sure if they can understand !!!

R.K. said...

and i felt i was alone.
a larger part of me is still hidden, even from blogger, with hope that someday one of them would read this.

you are lucky if they share their thoughts with you ! problem is just once you are in these things, you get addicted to them. when with them, you feel happy, these thoughts only come to your mind when you are alone.

shona..... said...

sugar...wat happened yaar...
i guess problem wasn't wat i thought but much deeper...
vandana...u can tel me anythin u want to share n trust me i wont let u down....
don't cry darling...
luv u so much bache...
keep smilin
:-)

Inderjeet said...

Hi, vandana.

Nice.
I was expecting this from u because when u have posted ur previous post "........i trust u" and when i read it i thought some thing u wanna say and may be it comes now or may be later but comes out definately.
And thats comes now.

If i have to answer this why u feel alone then only thing i can say, more u becoming complex more u feel u alone.If one person refuses u then some other listens u but definately someone listens u. In this whole world many u get which listens u but if u want. didn't think iam difficult for others because "A Human should be understand by a Human only". After all u r also a human.
Don't buried ur feelings, ur problems inside. be frame. never let ur feelings inside in ur heart because if they doesn't come out,they will give only pain nothing else.
dont think people will laugh on u. If some may be then don't care for them.

Anyway I tried to give ur answer, may not be appropiate but touching it.
Byee take care..............

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

@R.K.
No u guessed it wrong. These thoughts didn't come in my mind when i was alone but when i was surrounded by so many people,, all complaining that i have failed in fulfilling their expectations but no one asked me if i had a problem because of which i did that. No one was ready to listen me. They said i hurt them but this hurt me like anything

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

@shona
thanks dear
well i don't think i'll ever be able to share that but still thanks for being there. I don't know how deeper is the problem but this time i was hurt a lot so all that emotions came out

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

@Inderjeet
hey its not like i feel alone n there's no one for me,, may be i haven't expressed well but still there r people who r willing to listen to me but they r unaware of the fact that i too have something to share. Its just i'm never comfortable sharing my inner self with them because i think no one can understand. May be its just my thinking that's y i never give a chance to anyone. But yeah ,, now having discussed this thing i feel relaxed

sneha said...

blah blah blah....uuugghh
i hate dis post ff urs.!!
it makes u sound lik a cry baby :x

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

Yeah chunnu,, even i hate it now but let it be there,, it'll always remind me something

sneha said...

OMG yahan bhi chunnu...aannnnnn... mammaaaa.....

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

Oh cho chorry
from now onwards,, its gonna be sepo,, so just cheer up,, yo ;)

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vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

@anonymous
now wat was this,,,,,,,,,r u trying to help my cousin????????

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