Thursday, April 30, 2009

A walk through my village !!!!!!

Hey you
Yeah,,,you
The one gazing at this screen with your puffy ,,tired eyes
Get up !!!!
I said just get up!!!
It’s the time to take a break from this dull,,boring & lifeless world of gizmos & get a bit closer to nature.

So how about a walk through my village???
Let me have the pleasure to be your guide during this small journey.
This point marks the starting point of our village.
Just providing you with the info regarding the places will make journey boring,,so let let me just give you a bit of crispy conversation throughout this walk.

Today after returning & then having a nap,,,I just thought about having a ride through my village. So I asked choti to take out her rampyari & then me & choti went on a ride.
I’m not good in geography ,,so don’t expect the geographical facts about this place from me. Hmmmmmm,,,,,,I could have asked for Di’s help ( she being master of geography) but I’m still on my movement so no question of taking her help.
But still, I can give a brief info. This place is called Barnai (old name Thathi),,,,this reminds me of another tag,,tittle or whatever,,,given by my friend harry,,,,”MISS BARNAI MORH”,,,& I feel so Ewwww about it. harry I just wanna say, “Aaj khush toh bahut hoge tum” finally I have disclosed this tittle here. Okay,,coming back,,my village is situated 5km away from jammu city,,,tehsil & district Jammu. This village extends over 1.75 km approx. along the bank of an irrigation canal.

I & my family are not native to this place. We came here about some 19 years back when we migrated from Kashmir.
The main occupation of the people of the place is agriculture & related activities.
Initially this place had so many green fields but now with the increasing population only few are left & rest of the land is converted into residential area.
This irrigation canal has ice-cold water even when the temperature is above 40 degree Celsius. This is one of the distributaries of Ranbir canal which itself is a tributary of river Chenab. My friends often tease me,,saying, “You are lucky,,you can spent your summer vacations by taking a basket of mangoes & dipping your feet in the canal”.( beautiful sunset na????)
This is choti’s rampyari,,have to put this pic here,,,otherwise she’s gonna beat me.
Hope you must have enjoyed this walk. Thanks for your visit.
Keep visiting.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

poor little sis :( err devil little sis ;)

With the post “No desire to live”, I was literally on the path to sainthood but then circumstances changed a bit & now I have became a sort of devil. I was planning to write a different post but I’m writing this post because this post is the reason why frequency of my posts has decreased & why I ain’t writing the post I had planned to?

Everything around here was perfect, not exactly but still a lot closer. I was quite complacent with my life, one small reason being the success of my blog which also propelled me to write more & more. But then, a strange creature called the elder sis comes into picture & spoils everything. I don’t know why some people find pleasure in interfering others matter, I mean let others live the way they want to, why you are imposing your rules on them? But it’s not their fault, if they won’t do that their metabolic system will get upset & then they won’t be able to digest anything. One among the community of such creatures is my elder sis. I don’t know what to do with her?

Just a few moments back, my younger sis was watching a cartoon “Asari Chan”, & I could really identify myself with the main character. A poor younger sis having a cruel elder sis :(
Now her elder sis was telling her mom (like my sis always does), that her mom gives so much care & love to Asari & that’s why she’s a spoiled brat, just like me. But my mom isn’t like Asari’s mom, she didn’t listen to her crap,,,,,yippee,,,,,poor di but yeah,,,she spoiled my mood. So from yesterday I’m on my “STOP INTERFERING IN MY MATTERS” movement & I’m not talking to her. I have kept cell on silent & I’m not touching my pc even (just in her presence,,she isn’t here so I’m writing this). I can see the desperation on her face,,she really wanna talk to me,,but I won’t. she’s a chatter box & doesn’t feel relaxed until she tells everything to everyone,,,but now her condition is so worse,,,,& I’m feeling tooooo happy huhuhaha haaaaa ;)

Just to add something extra to make her condition worst, I told mom that I came home early from college as I was suffering from headache & I was finding difficulty in breathing (breathing problem was genuine but headache,,,what’s that?) but the actually reason for coming early was mass bunk, yeah we had mass bunk & with temperature so high here,,,,velligiri stuff wasn’t possible so only option left was to come home.Now when my blood sucker came back from her university,, mom started scolding her,,,telling that she was responsible for my bad health,,,,,God I felt sooooo good,,,literally 10 litres of my blood must have increased then ;)
But while doing so I forgot about my sooooooooo caring mom. She’s suffering from asthma & after knowing that even I’m having breathing problems,,,which are genuime,,,,she’s so worried about me. Yesterday I had loads of work to do,, but she didn’t allowed me to be awake late in the night. When di isn’t home,,then mom doesn’t allow me to use pc,,,,God,,,I’m like struck in this,,,,it’s like “MERA PRANK MUJH HI PE BHARI”

I’m still on my movement ,,,let’s see if that can bring some change in my elder sis,,though I know it’s next to impossible

Sunday, April 26, 2009

VANDANA - THE ULTIMATE,,,,,,,,,,,,LOL ;)

“Gyan” filled talks,,,,,problems,,,,,,confusion,,,,more problems,,,,,,,,more confusion,,,,blah,,,,blah,,,,blah

Oh my God,,,,,,,,who runs this blog???

Some guru mata or a cry baby????????

Wait for a second,,,,uff,,,,this short term memory loss,,,,,,,,,yeah I remember I run this blog,,,,,,,,a college going girl,,,,,,,,,still 21 years of age,,,,(not an old matured lady or a little cry baby),,,,,who still loves to hang out with her friends,,,,,doing all that “masti stuff” together,,,shopping,,,eating,,,,more shopping,,,,less eating,,,,,,who likes to make fun of others but always end up making fun of herself :(
Then where is that cuteness & naughtiness of this blog ( obviously,,,it has to be cute & a bit naughty as a girl runs this)or I can say where’s the real essence of this blog???????????

Yeah,,,,,I just caught hold of it & now it’s back here in my blog.

All the creative work that I’m into these days, has given me variety of options to choose a career. Recession time na,,,so no chance of getting a job in engineering field,,,can’t help it,,,have to think other way round.

First of all let me give you the tags,,titles,,or whatever that I received in these days
Vandana- the writer
Vandana-the blogger
Vandana-the tattoo artist
Vandana-the nail artist
& the one I liked the most goes like this (given by Sepo,,,though she has used it once but I’m gonna use it again & again)
Vandana- THE ULTIMATE
Cool na??????
LOL
Sepo,, just to help you,,,let me myself admit that I’m world’s BIGGEST NARCISSIT,,,,not like you but 100 degrees above. No comparision at all ;)

Blogger,, I’m ,,but haven’t earned anything from it till now,,,so this can’t be a career option.

Writer,,,yup I wanna be one,,,but quite a big dream,,,still if I end up becoming one then LOL,,,,,,lottery,,,,but of course after being a successful one

Tattoo artist,,,I have got many partenership purposals for this,,,some from seniors,,,some from juniors,,,some from friends & others from relatives,,,just a bit more expertise & I’m gonna rock. Good option ;)

Nail artist,,,again lots of partnership purposals,,,(one is from sepo),,again a bit expertise & I can be a great businesswoman,,,LOL

So my future is secure,,,though I still stick to what I was saying in the preceeding post ;)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

No desire to live!!!

Guess what???
I have completed my half century!!! Yippee!!!
No no,,,,not in IPL,,,I’m not one of those IPL fanatics,,,,initially I liked it but now,,,everyone is going crazy about this & my friends don’t come online because of this so I have started hating this stupid IPL or whatever (sorry sorry sorry,,,,,guys,,,now please don’t come here to beat me,,,I really don't mean to offend you)

I have completed my half century here in the blogger,,,,yup its my 50th post,,,,& of course too special for me. I have done something different to make this special,,,,hope you'll like it ;)
So finally that phase of problems is over & now the life seems to be so beautiful. I don’t know suddenly what has happened to me that the desire of living has died out. I don’t know if you are getting this,,,actually even I don’t know how to make you understand this. Oh God,,,, I’m using too much of this “ don’t know” stuff,,,,stop it gal!!
So coming back to that serious stuff,,,now I think I’m really happy from inside or whatever,,,the things that were always a cause of my depression no longer bothers me,,,,everything seems to be so perfect or fine,,,though I know actually there isn’t anything like that. May be I have put on that spectacles that see only happiness & beauty of life. Now I think I have got everything ,,,now what exactly I have even I don’t know,,,,but still I’m quite complacent with all I have. But yeah,,,now I have with me that real essence of life :)
Those 20 things I wanna do before I die also seem to be insignificant now. If I die this moment,,,I’ll die without any regrets. Wait guys,,,,I’m not going to commit suicide,, though I admit that after reading a few pages of the novel “Veronika decides to die”,,I thought about it,,,so I stopped reading it. This feeling is with me from past one week but I haven’t shared it with many people. May be I have learned a million lessons now,,,& many people have shared the most painful parts of their lives with me ,,,so now my pain has suddenly faded away & everything seems to be so beautiful. I want this feeling to be with me forever. Since now I see only beauty of life so I captured few such beautiful scenes,,,,from the lover’s garden of our college










Hey guys,, are you thinking where are the names of these flowers???

Stop thinking much,,as I’m not a botany professor so I’m not gonna give their names,,,not botanical & not even common,,,but if you know,,,then you are always welcome,,,please increase my knowledge also. It’s just I bunked few lectures & while sitting in the lover’s garden,,,I captured these beautiful things,,,as I got nothing to do then ;)

Now this ain't a flower,,,I know you guys are not that dumb to make it out,,,,that day the sky had so many beautiful patterns so I captured one.

When you are really happy,,,everything seems to be so beautiful,,,isn't it?

P.S. :- still guessing what I have done special in this???

it's the pictures,,,lolz

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Toughest over tougher still there!!!

Terms & conditions
choose between one
expectations
give & take
understanding
explanations
sorry


I don’t know which among the above terms fit in the definition of friendship but for my friends, these terms are always linked with friendship. I’m not here to prove anyone right or wrong but I just wanna tell others that if they would have been in my place they would have done the same. I mean my conscience didn’t allow me to leave a girl alone. I mean how can you leave someone alone when you know no one is gonna support her, no one is ready to listen her, no one is there for her & you are the only one who can give some comfort to her, especially one she’s so broken up( & you are the one who know this),,,,what’s wrong in giving her joy for few moments? But yeah,may be while doing so,I may have ignored others & I apologize for that. Guys if everyone is saying that a person is wrong doesn’t mean that the person is actually wrong,,,,give that a person a chance at least & I’m not the one to believe what majority says is right. I thought I won’t have to give explanations but I did because there was no other way,,,this hurt me alot but let it be………..
Now at this time I remember all that proverbs, sayings or whatever “ Aap bhale toh jag bhala”,, “neki kar, darya mein daal” & that doha of Kabir that I don’t remember exactly, it’s something like that,“ bura jo dekhan mein chala, bura na milya koi,,,,(I don’t remember what next),,,but all fit like glove in my situation,,,,,,,,,,but since I believe in forgiving & forgetting so “bhul ja,,,jo hua,,,,”

Now since I never complain & never tell others where they are hurting me,,,actually I don’t expect anything from others so these questions doesn’t matter,,,,so others think that they are fulfilling all my expectations & I am not doing the same. So somewhere I feel I should change my this attitude,,but then what will be the difference between me & them ,,,,so let me give another chance to everyone so that they can understand me better,,,very tough,,,but let them give a try at least

The toughest part of this whole episode is over but the tougher part is still there. Well these parts are gonna add spice to the story of my life & will definitely make it delicuious,,,yummy!!!!

P.S. :- I'm gonna be busy in my exams so no more posts during the coming week,,,,,,,,,,,,,,one whole week,,,,,,,,,,,,what a relief for you guys,,,,,,,,,enjoy till then;)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hostel life of two days & two nights,, yo ;)

I always wanted to have hostel life but since my college hasn't such facility & moreover my college isn't so far from my home so no question of hostel.But in a trip to a university,I along with my friends experienced hostel life & stuff & it was such a wonderful experience.I would have posted this before but then I thought may be Eko will post the same so I just skipped it.But unfortunately or whatever,Eko also skipped that portion. Now since Chunnu is a follower (not an official one in my terminology) was disappointed as we both didn't include that masti stuff,,so here I'm.Oh I forgot, Chunnu always complain that everyone is called by her nickname but no one calls her by her nickname.So Chunnu dear are you happy now??

Hmmmm...
Okay now let me start from the point when we were alloted rooms. As soon as we entered the room, everyone started shouting or hooting or whatever,,, like anything. Any outsider would view it like this : "it seems these girls have just been brought from the times of stone ages by some time machine & this is the first time they have seen rooms with beds, tables, chairs & other things,, that's why they're so excited". We were so excited that many of us, started calling their homes telling this place is so wonderful & we don't want to leave this place. Oh God,, now that was the height!! As far as I'm concerned I didn't call anyone,, nothing extraordinary,, I hardly call anyone,, but this time due to some family problem even mom didn't call. Well it still won't have made any difference,, as I keep on telling my parents 100 times a day that once I'll leave this place I won't ever come back,, so arrogant I tell you.

Okay going back to the rooms,, now the most excited among us was Pallu,,, sorry Pallu,, I didn't want to name anyone but since you have given me permission to use your name so I'm just doing my level best not to disappoint you ;)
Shiff was excited but not as half as Pallu,, actually there's no match of Pallu's excitement. Now Eko & Chunnu ,,,,hmmm,,,,they don't need a reason to be mad,, they're by birth as such ( now tomorrow they're gonna beat me any anything ,, but gals truth is truth,, so sorry). So after the temperature of this excitement lowered by a degree,, we were behaving like human beings,, not exactly but still a kind of human being.
Now talking about our punctuality,,yaar ab apne muh se kya tarif karu,, but still I like doing that being so self obsessed, so let me have the pleasure,, we're always late for mess & sometimes even the mess was closed. Most of the time or may be all of the time it was my fault as I never felt hungry being a bit anorexic,, just a bit not exactly,, and this thing increases when I'm out of home,, so I was like busy in my stuff & procrastinated dinners, lunches, breakfasts,, Pallu always said, "Its because of you gals". And I could make it out that the incharge out there,, literally wanna tell us, "Will you be ever on time?" though he couldn't do that directly as we were the guests there. When they arranged special dinner for us,, instead of being thankful to them we were complaining that this thing was missing,, that thing was missing,, really so selfish of us.

Now coming to the most important & most memorable part,,, that sleepover party ,,, not exactly but still. So during the first night there,,, we didn't slept,, atleast I didn't ,, I just had a nap of 20 minutes that night,, err ,, that morning. We discussed so much,,, it wasn't that girlish stuff,, it was about the things that we had buried deep in our hearts,,, some very emotional things,,,some too funny,,, some so terrible secrets,,, some very astonishing secrets,,some very light discussions and some too hard.
All these things will surely gonna change my college life now but I hope it'll be for good. Now while we were discussing such a serious issue,,,Eko & me,, Chunnu was like intruding always,, sometimes the problem was the foul smell of her blanket and other times it was problem of her bangles,,God,,Eko & I felt like beating her there & then only. It was such a serious discussion,,,Eko was like gathering all her strength to carry on the discussion ,,, same was with me,,,& Chunnu wasn't even half as serious as we were. Then Pallu came,, she already had discussed many things with Shiff & since Shiff insisted on sleeping so we let her go. Pallu carried on conversation,, and then I noticed that Chunnu & Eko were already in the world of their dreams. So just two players alive,, but still enough to carry on the game. We returned to our room,, took our blankets,, still carrying on the conversation. Then at 6:10 am while I was telling Pallu something,, I noticed that she was sleeping ,, so the only option left for me was to sleep as well. Next night ,, we were so tired that we didn't have stamina for this stuff.Still Pallu was sending me some pictures & then just in a second she went asleep,,God,,she didn't take a second for that

Really so much life in every second

I won't give up ,, yo ;)

Well I sound very stupid here & of course this is gonna be very confusing as well. The last two days were full of hell lot of depression for me,, just headache,, tears & confusion. And I guess this wasn't the first time but yeah this was the first time I regretted having so many friends and yet there wasn't a single one who understood me without my explainations but I guess it wasn't completely their fault,,, they're not psychic to make it out themselves. Even they're human beings like me,,I have understood this & now they need to understand the same,,, that I'm a human being too,,and I have to make them understand this,,, A big challenge for me especially when no one is ready to listen me. This is gonna be really tough. I don't know if ever I'll be able to make things as before but then this is life or rather my life & I never want it to go on a steady,, smooth & same dull pace,, it should have that turns & twists,,, I really love them,,,,and that's gonna make a beautiful story for tomorrow,, right?? It should include every aspect,,, not just that happy days.

As I say life is the greatest teacher ,, so again I have learned many lessons from life:
1) its not like that everyone will support you everytime,, sometimes even they'll go against you but you have to be very tough to face this
2) expectations kill relations but still they always exist in relations,, unknowingly & most of the times knowingly people do expect many things.It really hurts when someone can't do upto your expectations & it hurts even more when you're unable to fulfill others expectations
3) It's not like that you can't find a single person like you,, there are people around you but you are too blind to see them & you don't give a chance to them. (like in my case I found Sepo & I'm really very thankful to her for listening me patiently & guiding me though ultimate decision will be mine only,,, there were others also who wanna listen me but I didn't give them a chance)
4) During these times you get to know what a person is actually like,, & the judgement made during such times is always right. Don't listen to people,, judge others yourself,, likewise I have judged people now myself.
5) This is funny but yeah I admit that during such days the frequency of my posts increases like anything. I just realised that I have been publishing one post each day with the exception of yesterday as mom didn't allow me to wake up late in night as I'm not keeping a good health na :(

So finally you must have concluded that this gal is totally a gone case & nothing can be done regarding her,, yeah you're right,,,yaar I won't give up so quickly but yeah I still won't expect anything from others,, this time not even a bit but I can't stop them expecting from me.
This is your life man so live it the way you want,, but don't make it miserable for yourself and others also,, so live life king size,, yo ;)

There're many more things that I wanna include in this but I'm gonna zip it up here only as today I have to go for my second vote & I have to convince my mom & sis to vote,, such a big responsibility I tell you,,NANHI SE JAAN AUR ITNE SAARE KAAM ;)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Alone in the crowd!!!!

“……………always there to help my friends, whenever & wherever they need me!!”
Easy to say but difficult to implement. I tried a lot but now I accept, I have failed & I’m a loser. Yippee!!! Another big achievement for me & one more tag in my kitty,,,,self given tag,,,whatever!!!!
It’s an amazing feeling to have so many friends ,,,,it’s even more amazing to say that almost all my classmates are my friends,,,,I have experienced this. When that conversion from a classmate to a friend begins ,,,it feels great,,,so many people around you whom you can call your friends. You feel so special that you are being given so much importance,,,,,& it’s not like that you are just taking that importance or whatever but even you are giving the same,,,,,you are trying to do up to their expectations.

While fulfilling everyone's expectations,,,, I forgot that even I have a life of my own,,, even I have problems,,,but they hold least priority,, that's what I thought. Even I want to share many things that I have buried deep in my heart,,but whenever I'm about to say something,, I'm interrupted by the person sitting before me,, & I think let it remain in my heart only &let the person sitting before me share whatever he or she wants to as I think may be that person also doesn't find someone with whom he or she can share that emotional part of him or her. Moreover,, I thought no one can understand what I wanna tell,,because somewhere I think I'm too complex to understand,, it may be just my thinking but I feel so. That's why I never had courage to show that part of me to anyone,, I was afraid of being laughed at.So I thought about scribbling my thoughts here in my blog thinking that at least someone will read & that's more than enough for me,, may be after reading you'll also laugh but I'm not there to see na?? And now even I'm adapted to this kind of environment where you can have only ears to listen but no mouth to speak,,, oh yeah a mouth to speak words that can heel other's wounds or that speaks what others want to hear,,, but thank God still there are hands to scribble a few feelings & thoughts . Many people who know me personally will be astonished as I have never showed this part of me,, but here in my blog I can't have that mask which says that I'm happy & I don't have any problem. I don't think I could have shared this with anyone personally,, I don't have that much courage,, I accept. I tried fulfilling everyone's expectations but again that thing applies here,,,we are human beings after all, not God,,,so somewhere even I have failed to fulfill that expectations,,,I admit it,,,,I tried a lot but………….
So many people,,,,,,so many expectations,,,,,,,but only one Vandana,,,,,so guys I’m here to make a confession that finally I have given up,,,one thing that I never thought I’ll do but I’m. May be I'm exaggerating,,, but it's what I feel.

Okay I don’t expect anything from anyone but I can’t make others to do so. Decision was tough but I had taken it,,,let’s see for how long I can follow that. So from now onwards,, its gonna be one man's,, err,, one girl's army....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

So much life in every second.................

Hmmmmmmmmm
I really don’t have a slightest idea how to start this post. But somehow I have to,,,so let me start:
it was my second trip with friends & it was for a youth fest of a university, I was on a sort of outing with friends, and trust me it was such a memorable experience for me. I got to know many things, I got to learn many things, I got to explore many things & above all I got to know what I mean to my friends, and that was the best best bestest part of this trip.

It was for two days & two nights but I felt like I have spent a life time there, as a million things happened in this time & none of them was least significant. I don’t give a damn to that fest (okay just a bit), but my friends, their problems, their secrets, that hostel life of two days & two nights & lots more, made this so special for me.

I was always complacent with my college life, though few things were missing:
I hadn’t experienced hostel life,
Though all classmates are my friends but I didn’t have interaction with my seniors (who are just about to leave this college) & juniors (hmmm… I had taken intro of many of them but that real interaction stuff was missing)

As they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way & the way for my will was this fest but I was unaware of this.

In this fest I explored my hidden talent of tattoo making. To be very frank, I hadn’t ever thought that I’ll ever do such kind of thing, though I admit that I’m quite innovative person (“this gal is so self obsessed” ,,,yeah I’m). Just a night before that event was to happen, I told my friends that I think I can do that, I started practicing then.
Following are the pictures of practicing session which me & my friends were conducting under a lamp post in night.

(this is the second tattoo I had made, first I had made on my own arm at home. This I was making on Rohit’s arm) (this tattoo is on Harry’s arm)
(this tattoo is on sneha's arm)
I had made some ten-twenty tattoos & I was so busy that I couldn't take pictures of all of them.Even these pictures are taken by my friend.
So after this practicing session was over, the next day was the day of the event but we were told that the registrations for that event had been blocked & we couldn’t take part in that. One of my junior Raghav put all his efforts & made us to take part in the event. Hey Rhaghav thanks a lot.
The theme of tattoo was rebirth. I guess I gave my best & even I expected some prize, but I didn’t get any :(

(this tattoo is on Pallavi's arm.The one that I made for competition )
Let me just try to explain what I have depicted in that tattoo. On the top, I had made one wing of phoenix which in itself is a symbol of rebirth as it regenerates itself from its own ashes. On side of it, there’s a pile of logs which are being used to cremate the body of a person. The lines above show that his soul has just been freed from all the pain & worldly desires. Then again, this soul is implanted in the womb of a mother & the person again enters the cycle,,,,,,,,,,rebirth
So I was like totally dejected. Before the results were announced, my seniors were saying that they wanna me to make tattoos on them. After the results were announced, I thought now they won’t ask me for that thing. But to my surprise, they did. They were cheering me up & praising my talent. This was first time I interacted with my seniors.


(This tattoo is made on Mann bhaiya's arm)

(This tattoo is made on V.P. Bhaiya's arm)
(Again on V.P. Bhaiya's arm)
I had made same tattoo on Ankush Bhaiya but no picture, so sad. These three guys were so damn funny & just packed with life. I'm really thankful to them for cheering me. Guys you rock,,,& be the same forever ;)

uuhhhhh.......
so many things to share but I'm gonna zip it up here only
with one line that I have treasured every second of my life in these two days & two nights

Thursday, April 9, 2009

............because I trust you !!!!!!!!!

Thousands of big big emotional and sentimental lines filled with so many touching words & feelings, but all ending with .........because I trust you!!

Oh my God!!!
Sometimes even I'm astonished with my digesting capacity & listening too (though my hearing capability isn't so good....hmmmm as I'm a slight hard of hearing na :( poor me)

Being in college for about two and a half years now, I have made so many friends, touch wood to that. Leaving few people aside, everyone talks to me freely. I really don't know why? Many people come to me & share their problems, thoughts, secrets & whatever they want to. And after conversation with them is over, I get to hear "don't tell others" & then "....because I trust you". Only in one case, one of my friend said, "I don't need to say don't tell others as I know you won't do that" & why the hell he thinks so? I don't know, haven't asked actually, but yeah he's right, I won't ever tell others.
I don’t know why people find me so trustworthy??(Of course they are 100% correct) .They like sharing their secrets with me, though I never ask anything & I really don’t like interfering in other’s life. Unlike other gals I strictly hate that gossiping & bitching stuff, though I admit I do that sometimes (very rarely, may be because at that time I’m off my head). It was known to me that my friends find me quite understanding & I thought maybe every understanding person has a typical “understanding look” & I have same or may be its written on my face which only they can see, but it was shocking when the mother of a friend told me the same. I mean I haven’t met her; we have just talked a few times on phone regarding some problems that my friend was facing, I assured her that I’ll sort them out & I did. She had talked to my other friends also then why the hell she thought that I’m capable of doing that. That means, it’s not written on my face. (pulling my hair) I wanna get the answer??????????????

It’s okay when you get to know few secrets after a span of time but when everyone starts telling you their secrets at the same time (though the one who is telling doesn’t know that you are getting such a dose from others also), it’s like tha tha tha tha tha & then gadham (in my desi style). So many fatal doses at a same time & you are like totally numb. At that time, it becomes so difficult to handle all this, but you have to.

And then there are others who are feeling so dejected & you have to cheer them as you are the only one with whom that person likes sharing her problems &……………now it really hurts to say that........may be you are the only one who is willing to listen her . While doing so, maybe you’ll forget to give time to some (or maybe you are really out of time), who always expect some time from you, & then that misunderstanding & annoyance chapter beings, followed by explanations & apologies chapter.

Here I really wanna laugh aloud at myself. So let me HA HA HA !!!!!

Yaar, what big bombastic dialogues I was using, “I had given up expecting things from others & I don’t want others to expect anything from me”. Then, why the hell I give a damn when others tell me, I have changed & I’m ignoring them. Easy to say, as it’s a common saying among my friends, “Every roadie is alone”. I know I’m not a roadie, but still as they say, “everyone comes alone & will leave alone”, then why the hell these expectations matter. But then, as my school teacher used to say, “Nature of a person, never changes”, so even if I’ll try to be alone, others won’t let me to be alone. Now it’s not my weakness that I can’t stay alone, of course I can, but they want me to be there for them always & this is my weakness. I can’t say no when they demand time from me but it hurts when unknowingly & unwillingly I fail to do so.

Oh God!! Can I have a Xerox of me, without my friends’ knowledge, so that I can give enough time to everyone?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Straight from the classroom !!

Well you must have read a million times "straight from the heart" so as a break from these kind of senti-senti lines this post is straight from the classroom (this girl never misses a chance to show her stupidity, that's what you are thinking na? See I can predict future, I think I should become a professional clairvoyant, I can earn a lot from this, right?)
I just wanna break the series of posts that I was publishing in my blog for the past few days,full of mind twisting thoughts (hey just tell me were they actually like that or it's just my assumption, ok whatever). So it's a light post about happenings of classroom straight from classroom itself.
Stop thinking so much, it's a free lecture that's why I am writing this post, otherwise I'm not so daring to do this while we are being taught in class. Actually, it's more about being stupid than being daring. Hey, I was just kidding I'm daring man ;)

My location: 60 degrees from where ma'm is standing,on the third last bench on left half of the classroom, second seat, to my left is a guy, ofcourse a friend also, who is struggling a lot to keep his eyes open so that he can attend all the lectures, as he has been bunking classes since our 6th semester started. To my left is my another friend, who is also busy in observing others (one of my favorite hobbies) & to her left is a guy who is troubling the guy sitting before him.
So the scene of rest of the class from here is like this:
the girls from the first three benches have joined their heads together & are busy in girlish gossip, just my guess I am not sure (but then what else it can be?) Fourth bench guys (just before my bench) have gone completely mad. And they have made me mad. A guy from this bench is offering pens & copies of whole of the class to me. I am asking him to stop but he has gone mad so I can't do anything but yeah the guys sitting with him are gonna set him right in break because he has gone completely mad, just few minutes to go for break & my revenge also. Gals & guys of the last two benches, just behind mine, are busy in playing Bingo & they are laughing like anything. Now coming to benches on the right half of the classroom. First bench guys have undergone hibernation. Only two guys on the second bench , rest two have gone outside I guess. On third bench some are sleeping while others are listening attentively to what ma'm is saying. Fourth bench guys are discussing something very interesting I can make it out from their expressions, their eyes are literally glowing like 500 watt electric bulbs & their mouths are wide open. Fifth bench guys are busy with their mobiles, earlier they were playing tone "lathe di chadder" just to annoy ma'm but she didn't noticed. Poor guys :( better luck next time. Sixth bench guys are making aeroplane of paper (quite innovative future engineers, I must say) & there is a sort of mischief in their smile. Last bench guys are busy in discussing something which I guess isn't so interesting that's why one of them is totally lost in his own world.
Now the last two benches behind me, have changed their game, they are playing name, place, animal, thing. I think in 6th semester we all will complete our Ph.D.'s in these silly games like bingo, name, place, animal, thing, raja, wazir, chor, sepahi (we have added rani to this game also LOL), word building & lots of more silly games to add this. I don't know what's wrong with us, but then what was ever right with us?
Hey wait, those guys were not making aeroplane from the paper, but they have made a kind of whistle from it & it's producing a strange sound. Ewww... I don't like it.
Now coming back to my bench , guess what? A little before everyone was beating that guy....ahhh what a satisfaction!! Indirectly I have my revenge.
Okay now it's lunch break so bye

(wonderful scene na? It's lovers garden, but I was here with my friend, a gal yaar :( Cho chad )
P.S. :- I bunked all the three lectures after break as the weather outside was so cool ;)

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Essence of life !!!

It's really hard for me to be away from this blogging stuff even though I know its just matter of few days & then again my pc will be all right & I'll be back on the track. But hey wait, I ain't completely off the track, I still manage to publish posts, comment on the blogs I follow, by hook or by crook or whatever. (even now I am typing this post on mobile & I am gonna publish this through the same)
Now being idle for past few days,hmmm..... not exactly because there days were just packed with a lot of happenings. I mean college life, friends, shopping, vellagiri stuff & all that. Oh that reminds me that, my friends are also using the same terminology that I use in my blog, like vellagiri stuff, dostana stuff & all that, I feel great about that, I am really an influential person LOL
The recent two titles or tags or whatever they are exactly called, that are in my kitty now are supergirl (not bad, I like it) & miss blogger (again not bad). I got these in person not here in my blog.Finally, most of my friends know that I do blogging, I can't say it's a good thing, though initially I wanted all my friends to know about this but now I feel it was a wrong idea to let them know this. But then this world is full of all kind of people, some will encourage you & others will just laugh at you, but in both cases doesn't matter because I really wanted to do this thing & now I am doing this. I don't care what the hell others think about it.
One thing I wanna mention here, when I told one of my friend that I am still blogging from mobile(my own now which I bought just for blogging), he was like, "what a loyality man?" LOL
that really makes me to think about my obsession with this thing. Kya karu yaar? Can't help it. I am so addicted to it.
The good thing is that 90% response that I got was positive. Well, I must say that's a big achievement for me. (stop laughing, what's wrong in that, let me make myself happy). My encyclopedia, my cousin, has also checked it out though I couldn't make it out whether the response from him was positive or not, but definitely it wasn't negative, I am sure about that.
I have found people around me in whom I can see my reflection, not those superficial people who don't have any depth, and who really don't have any idea what they are doing & where this will finally lead them to? So now I can share my views with them though that real sharing will not be there as that's what I had decided (real sharing here doesn't refer to sharing materialistic things, its sharing feelings &views that I am still not comfortable sharing with others). I am really following the new year resolutions that I had made & I am really happy now, living my life the way I want, no more sharing, no more expectations, though I know the real essence of life is still missing & I know it will continue playing this hide & seek game with me always. But the positive thing is that I know I can find it , not always but sometimes, it can't always hide from me, so I am contented with this fact only. :D

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