Friday, February 6, 2009


Have I changed? What things brought so many drastic changes in me? Am I living in an imaginary world? Am I too lost in the fictional world of books? Why am I too stubborn to change myself? Have I developed a negative outlook towards life? Am I really too complex to understand? Is it a different Vandana with friends & different Vandana when alone?
Really, I m caught in the tempest of these mind swirling questions & don’t know how to get out of it? I never thought about these things so deeply but some things, some situations made me to think over these things. Like in one of the previous posts, I have mentioned how a phone conversation with a friend of mine made me to think over pros & cons of my growing friend circle & after that I made few resolutions, I worked according to them but still I didn’t get the proper results & what it resulted in, I have mentioned in the post, “So called friends!!”. Then I made some few year resolutions, I am working according to them, except that resolution about being nice with family isn’t working, I really need to work on my temper for that. I have always tried to change myself, for the better (no doubt, I keep on telling others that I don’t want to change, because I love the way I am) but I haven’t succeeded, but I think every time I have made a resolution, it has brought a minute change in me & minute changes kept on adding together & gradually became an altogether different person. All these changes occurred during the past three years (starting from the ending of 12th standard). Sometimes, I really do miss a lot that old vandana, not having a streak of complexity but those days are gone, I miss that little shy & a bit stupid Vandana, even more. Really, why people grow older filled with regrets? I never thought I’ll think this way, but sometimes when you sit alone & do an analysis about yourself you think this way also. Of course, this happens after you get stimulation from something, like in my case the stimuli was again a conversation, this time with another friend. May be the real person inside me is a jovial one, so I just need to search for that lost jovial & full of life person, who is happy all the time, no matter if she’s alone or with someone.This time I am not making any resolutions let it be the way it is!!!


sneha said...

old vandana vandana...!! c m a little confused,, actually i love u js da way u r... a nice mixture....hvng a bit of both da vandana's..

jahan tk baki sb hai dat depends on u hw u want to i leave it for u to decide dat...

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

this confusion is killing me but i think with time everything will be fine

for others i'll be fine as alwayz but fr myself..........i'll alwayz be a problem!!

suraj said...

yaar ache thoughts hain .....

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

thanx suraj!!
but this was trash for me
frustration of mind
n do start blogging
it's a nice hobby
you never know when it'll become an addiction


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