Sunday, February 8, 2009

Nothing much!!

The past few days of my life were packed with lot of disturbances, lot of learning, lot of planning, lot of telegu movies, lot of absent-mindedness, lot of thinking ,lot of frustration & of course lot of confusion. All these things were really freaking me out!!

Sometimes, situations are not so complex but you make them so yourself. I had a kind of illusion that I have gained much maturity in the past few years & now all that stupidity, once was an integral part of me, has vanished out completely, but the reality is I have become far more stupid than before. I still have that only-devil-may-care attitude, but let it be. One of my school teachers used to say nature of a person never changes, what a person is from within, he always remain the same & I guess she was right!! This thing brought me back to my normal state added with some other things. The preceding post was all my frustration. Well, that’s the best way I can get my frustration out- by scribbling either on my diary or on my blog or both. If you can’t share your problems directly with others then scribble it on your blog, I bet you’ll feel much better. These days of disturbances had made me so absent-minded, so much so that I realized how the persons suffering from that short-term-memory-loss actually feel. Many such incidences happened with me during these days & once such incidence follows as:

My friend called me asking for some help but since I was busy then, I asked him to call me in evening. He had already told me what help he wants so I just told him when he’ll call in evening; I’ll be ready with that. But when he called I was totally blank, I forgot what he asked for. Then he reminded me that he wants to know which book to follow for Digital electronics & what is its syllabus. But I forgot what the name of that book was. I felt so sorry & asked him to call the next day. Well, he hasn’t called me yet (two days have passed since then); I think he has asked some normal person for that help now, good for him. Well, I am not comparing myself with Aamir of Ghajini as I am not a movie buff & I haven’t watched Ghajini in the first place. But yeah, but I am comparing myself with Keller, once of the character of “The Stars Shine Down”, since I am an ardent lover of novels.

When I told this to my other friend, she said this is happening because I am not enjoying a sound sleep & we are really, studying too much. I am much relieved now; at least she thinks it’s normal. Really, for people like us, who study at the last moment, studying before exams can have these kind of horrible effects. Can’t help it, as marriages of two of my cousins are just before exams & in order to attend these functions I have to complete my syllabus before exams (though it’ll more like torture chamber for me as I really don’t like to attend these kinds of functions). But then studying from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. is like studying hard????? You tell..

These days were not just full with this negative stuff; I watched few very good Telugu movies before this frustration took its toll. And this virus, I got from, whom else, of course, my encyclopedia (my cousin).These movies were so amazing, I tell you. One was “Happy days”, a bit like novel FPS & a lot like my college life. I also watched Siddhartha’s & Genelia’s, “Love makes life beautiful”, that was also good. Genelia was better in this one, than she was in JTYJN & Siddarth (sigh), I am a big time fan of him since the time I watched RDB. Seems that I should learn telugu, to understand these movies better, so I’ll be joining telegu classes soon :P

And hey!! Just wait I haven’t mentioned about the books I read after “The Mysterious Affair at Styles”. Well, after that I read “The eleventh commandment”, a thriller by Jeffrey Archer, now I have become his fan also, planning to read his other novels. Then I read,” Murder is easy” again by Agatha Christie, then “Chicken soup for soul”, a good inspirational book. Presently I am reading “The Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown (yes, that much controversial book) & “The Godfather” by Mario Puzo. Well “The Godfather” is a much hyped book so I thought just to see, what all this fuss is about?? “The Da Vinci Code” is a nice book, hope I’ll be able to complete it before commencement of exams.

Now coming to that planning portion, we have chalked out that study plan & are working a bit accordingly, hope God also supports us & results are also good, fingers crossed. Do pray for us. I haven’t ever thought, since getting into this engineering field, that I’ll care for marks. But decreasing percentage & two backlogs in two consecutive semesters makes you to think that way also.

Some other plans that I’ll follow after exams are:
1) I am gonna read all the 14 eBooks that I have :P
2) I am gonna watch all the 10 seasons of FRIENDS that I got recently from my encyclopedia. Well, where there is a need like this, there is my encyclopedia (my cousin).
3) I am gonna watch 4 seasons of PRISON BREAK , again from my encyclopedia
4) I am gonna watch few movies, from same source
5) I am gonna write a sort of article, I’ll tell you people what that article was about, if only it gets published
6) & of course, that vellagiri stuff (shopping & wandering aimlessly) with friends, that’s the first thing I am going to do after exams :P
I am making plans so early, as today I read in my horoscope that today is good for planning, & I being a little superstitious follow these kind of stuff.

Huh…!! You people can also take a sigh now. Because that’s it from me for this month. Now I’ll be back with a bang after one month (after my exams are over, I’ll be offline till then). Take care :)

Friday, February 6, 2009


Have I changed? What things brought so many drastic changes in me? Am I living in an imaginary world? Am I too lost in the fictional world of books? Why am I too stubborn to change myself? Have I developed a negative outlook towards life? Am I really too complex to understand? Is it a different Vandana with friends & different Vandana when alone?
Really, I m caught in the tempest of these mind swirling questions & don’t know how to get out of it? I never thought about these things so deeply but some things, some situations made me to think over these things. Like in one of the previous posts, I have mentioned how a phone conversation with a friend of mine made me to think over pros & cons of my growing friend circle & after that I made few resolutions, I worked according to them but still I didn’t get the proper results & what it resulted in, I have mentioned in the post, “So called friends!!”. Then I made some few year resolutions, I am working according to them, except that resolution about being nice with family isn’t working, I really need to work on my temper for that. I have always tried to change myself, for the better (no doubt, I keep on telling others that I don’t want to change, because I love the way I am) but I haven’t succeeded, but I think every time I have made a resolution, it has brought a minute change in me & minute changes kept on adding together & gradually became an altogether different person. All these changes occurred during the past three years (starting from the ending of 12th standard). Sometimes, I really do miss a lot that old vandana, not having a streak of complexity but those days are gone, I miss that little shy & a bit stupid Vandana, even more. Really, why people grow older filled with regrets? I never thought I’ll think this way, but sometimes when you sit alone & do an analysis about yourself you think this way also. Of course, this happens after you get stimulation from something, like in my case the stimuli was again a conversation, this time with another friend. May be the real person inside me is a jovial one, so I just need to search for that lost jovial & full of life person, who is happy all the time, no matter if she’s alone or with someone.This time I am not making any resolutions let it be the way it is!!!


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