Monday, December 29, 2008

So called FRIENDS!!!

Best friends, close friends, fast friends, real friends, these friends, those friends,,,,,,,,,,,,,,all bullshit!!!

Yes, this is what I have learnt now. Hey just wait!! Don’t think that I don’t believe in friendship, I do believe in friendship & this relation still is the most important relation, for me at least. I rank this relation above all relations but the thing is that now I won’t give any tags to “FRIENDS”. Friend means friend only. One who really understands the meaning of friendship? I mean who is actually your friend & doesn’t put forward any terms & conditions. I was so astonished when I got to know that the people whom I thought were my friends actually think that friendship is a sort of give & take relationship & it is based on some terms & conditions,, is it??? And even if it is,, I think I have given too much but haven’t taken anything back except for some harsh words, as a reward for my good deeds. Well, this is only for the people who think that friends come at some terms & conditions but for those who really understands the meaning of friendship,, neither I have given them anything nor I haven’t taken anything back but of course, I have been there for them when they needed me the most & they have been there for me always. This is what I call friendship. For a person like me for whom nothing is more important than her pride & self esteem, it is very hard to control your anger when someone says something that is a direct attack on your pride but still you manage to control it as the person standing before you is none other than your so called friend,, for whom you have done so much,, & who is now returning everything in this form. But for how long you’ll take it quietly,, once the dormant volcano inside you will erupt & eventually everything will be turned into ashes. Really now everything around me is so jumbled that I don’t know what to do exactly. All I can say is that,, even if I’ll try to unravel the tangled strings of relations around me,, still I won’t be able to remove all the knots without breaking some strings. But since I am a person who believes in forgetting these bitter things,, I’ll try to brush up the speck of dust consisting of these kind of memories from the attire of sweet memories of my life.
You must be thinking that this girl always exaggerates things but nothing is exaggerated. All this I have learnt during a trip to Mata Vaishno Devi, the first time I went with my friends. As I always say that life is the greatest teacher & no one can teach you what life can, so here are few things that life taught me during this trip, in postulated form:
1) Friendship is not dependent on any terms & conditions
2) “A friend in need is a friend indeed”, I already knew this thing but again life taught me the same & my friend also learnt this.
3) Its your life, live it the way you want without caring what others will think.
4) A friend isn’t one who is with you always, but the one with whom your soul overlaps.
5) last but not the least, everything has a limit & we are human beings after all, not God.
The trip was fantastic. They say “All is well, if end is well”, here the end wasn’t well but still I managed to collect enormous sweet memories for the rest of my life.

picture of Mata ka Darbar shot from Bhairo Ghati

Are you thinking that I am too lost in all this & have given up reading? Nah!! I am still crazy about that. After “The Stars Shine Down”, I just have read two murder mysteries both by Agatha Christie viz., “A Caribbean Mystery” & “The Mysterious Affair at Styles”. Really, I am loving these murder mysteries. And, hey, you know what; the candidate whom I voted for won the elections by about 12000 votes. Isn’t it great?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Today I feel great!! You know why?? Well, because I just casted the first vote of my life-a constitutional right that that every citizen has. I have always been interested in this politics stuff,, from the time I was in 6th standard & for the first time we started reading civics-the study of rights & duties of citizenship. Then in 7th standard, there was a bi-election in our constituency. I somehow convinced my granny to cast her vote. She being illiterate wasn’t aware of how important is to vote? I went along with her. The officers on duty didn’t mind allowing me to go with my granny. My granny gave that stamp to me & I casted a vote, it wasn’t my first vote as it was my granny’s vote. The person whom I voted won elections but he died in the mid term,,,,,,,,so sad.
From then till now,, my interest in politics has increased rapidly. The long Agitation that was carried out in Jammu also contributed a lot in increasing my interest. May be one day, I’ll also join politics but there is a long time till then. Well, I made everyone in my family to vote & feels really great that there was 100% voting from our family. Now I have the right to say something in favor of or against the government as I have actually taken part in electing government. Let’s hope, the candidate I voted for, wins so that the time I spent waiting in a long queue doesn’t go waste.I put my fingers crossed.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Snapshots of my life!!!

I have a strong desire to be an author. When I search for novels, I usually find some of their excerpts. I don’t know I’ll be able to write a book or not but as a trail this post has some excerpts from my diary (recent ones).I haven’t written full names of my friends just because I don’t like interfering in their privacy. So here it goes:
“Good people deserves good” that’s what one of my best friend R has written in a scrap which she send to me today. Well, yeah I do agree to this & even I have told this to my another best friend S when she was feeling low after her sis couldn’t do well in the exam. I was saying this to console her. R said this because finally I have cleared Thermal. I wasn’t expecting this, so when I got to know that the result was out, I wasn’t worried as I was prepared for giving the exam again. Instead I was reading a novel which I have bought few days back.
Exactly two years have passed, since I have taken admission in M.I.E.T. I still remember my first day in college. As I entered the college, I found posters saying, “Ragging is a punishable offence”. But I don’t think seniors took that seriously. They appeared like vultures to the scared fresher’s.
Today, sir was asking everyone about their aggregate percentage & what they are going to do after engineering. I told I’ll go for job & probably not in MIET. NB said that he’ll get married after completion of engineering. When he was asked about job, he said, “By God’s grace I’ll get the job also”. What a moron he is? A’s remark was also a bit funny. I mean how a person can be so damn sure of getting placement right in 6th semester?
Finally I am getting comments on my posts. SB has posted a few comments & she said she’ll post more
I am mad, I am crazy. Yes that’s what I am. It’s 12:15am that means it’s not 30th, it’s 1st October. I couldn’t sleep as I haven’t written about how my day was? I didn’t find time to write as I was too busy in reading “Five point someone” or to be precise I was lost in that novel. When I completed “One night @ call centre” in just three days, I was feeling like I have proved Einstein’s theory wrong. I was such a moron. This is the word I have learned from Chetan’s novel. SB completed it in just one day or I can say half a day. What an amazing speed,man? I tried to complete FPS in one day but I couldn’t. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow.
College always rocks until we have to attend all the classes. Same professors with something new to teach,, well, who cares if they have something old to teach also. I mean it’s the same, old or new, you have to focus on what is being taught & get that set in your mind. I haven’t still started studying, something about which I was making tall claims. I know I’ll never change. Kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi hoti hai kya?? S’s new footware are so damn cool, man. I wish I would have bought same for choti but I know that dumbo would still have complained that she doesn’t like it & she wanna buy herself. God, this girl I don’t know what’s she gonna do in her life??
Yesterday evening, I got the news of sudden death of A bhaiya, brother of VC. Before uncle told me this, I was thinking something might have happened to VC as he is someone who is always up to some pangas. I had already frozen & when uncle told me this I felt like the earth under my feet has just slipped away. I couldn’t move, tears were already visible in my eyes. Before I return home, my cousin had already mom & others about this, though nothing was clear to them. I told everything to them. The condition of VC & his parents was really very bad. VC was in a great shock.
Poor ma’m!! What’s she doing?? Probably trying to be strict but she doesn’t know what these ECEians can do. Let ECEians be on their full strength & they’ll show where they rank her strictness. Well, why I am saying ‘they’, I am also an ECEian. Okay, we are really devils & don’t spare anyone.
E!! whenever she blames me for something, I can’t control my laughter. What was she saying?? “You keep on talking & sir says, E & group stop talking”. God, this girl is so funny.
P is depressed from yesterday. She isn’t telling me anything but I guess it’s something related to her family. Anyways, I know she’ll definitely tell this to me in future. I am not good to her but still she shares everything with me, almost everything. Her depression was once related to her first backlog then it was due to sudden death of her second cousins. Hope she’ll get normal soon. I do dislike her over certain things but still I want her to be like that, she doesn’t seem normal when she’s quite. I really love her when she’s sure about my success in future, I love her for her confidence in me, and I love her when she already knows that this thing is gonna be a cause of my depression. God, she knows me so well!! My frequency matches with hers or I can say we have synchronized frequencies.
“The more you try to be friends with everyone, the more you mess up with relations”. That’s what I have learned from my friendly attitude. I was just trying to give more time to P & unknowingly I hurt others. How much I hurt them, I don’t know but this thing hurt me a lot. Okay, from now I won’t be with anyone. I’ll be alone. I think that’s perfect. Be alone & no one will complain. The more you try to be good, the more you become bad. These damn assignments, hell with them!! They are responsible for all this tension.
Writing after a long time. Actually, I was busy in exams. Well, not so busy as I start studying after 9 or 10pm & one hour in morning. Almost all exams went good except for a few. I wonder how I did that?? Actually, reading novels has improved my concentration & now I don’t get distracted towards other things. Still haven’t read those novels, well, because I am busy in assignments, net surfing, talking on phone & giving advises to my friends. I wonder why they consult me?? Of course, I feel good when they call me. I guess they think I am intelligent, it’s my assumption. Am I intelligent?? Hey wait!! Of course, I am. If not in bookish knowledge, then in relations.
Two backlogs,, one after another in two consecutive semesters,, in a single year. What a shame for me?? Why this happens with me only?? When I got first backlog, I didn’t cried but today when NC called me to ask about my result, I couldn’t control my tears. Everyone was calling but I couldn’t attend their calls.
Three days to go for my 21st birthday but I already got my birthday gift- one backlog again. I can’t say this is the worst day of my life as today, when I was weeping in class, I realized my weeping matters to many people. SB is such a sweetheart. They way she sympathized me, I love her for that. Even everyone was sympathizing. Actually, I am responsible for my backlog, no one else. It’s my carelessness.
Today is my birthday. The past few days were the worst days of my life, full of depression, tears & headache. I saw 21 missed calls on my cell when I woke up. They were actually calls from my friends but since I didn’t received any of them, they became missed calls. After that I received so many calls till night. Everyone in class wished me, it was great.
I never wanted the things to go this way but I didn’t realized when things went against me. I am literally messing up with things. I know I am a very complicated person so it’s better for me to stay alone.
I can’t go on Jagriti Yatra, this is something I always wanted but just my luck. This happens when you have a very loving mom who won’t allow you to go away from her.

that's it!!!!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

PERFECT!!!!!!! ISN'T IT?????????

Before you read this let me tell you, it is a total crap (like my other posts) & it may fly over your head. Read if you still want or leave it,,your wish.

As I always say, life is a roller coaster of emotions. I don’t know about others but for me it has always been a roller coaster of emotions. Now what’s so emotional about my life?? You must be thinking this,, right?? There are so many emotional things about my life & I am myself, a very emotional person. Emotional, not a cry baby. I am known to be a very jovial person & of course very bold, but I do have that emotional part in me. I ,too, get hurt over little things but the thing is that I control my emotions very well. I believe in forgetting so I forget these little things. Where I feel that I am being hurt, I just hold myself & tell myself, “Everything is gonna be fine, it’s not a big thing, you have faced tougher conditions”. I just don’t like sharing my emotional aspects with anyone,, just because I don’t think anyone else can understand what I am feeling like. Hey, don’t think I have very emotional things to share that can send shiver down your spine, just few things that I think I am not comfortable sharing with anyone. It’s easy to say, “I can understand what you are going through.” But do people actually understand? I too, sympathize my friends whenever things go against them. I, being a good listener, listen to their problems very calmly. To some extent I can make an approximation of their pain & sorrow but I do confess I can’t actually feel like what they are going through. In fact, it is hard for anyone to do so. Therefore, it’s better to keep these emotional things within oneself only. Moreover, it’s the matter of trust. You tell someone (say, your so called best friend) something very confidential & for telling which, you have gathered so much courage, what if that person doesn’t keep it as a secret? How will you feel then?? I mean, it may not be the fault of that person because the thing which seems to be so confidential to you may not be that important to that person. For him or her, it may be a crap. Well, it’s upto you only, whether you want to share your feelings with someone or you want to keep a few things confined to yourself only. I am not teaching you anything or telling you which path to follow. But as far as I am concerned, I keep few things (too emotional ones) confined to me only. Keeping this emotional aspect aside; I am like an open book. Whatever I do, what I like, what I dislike is known to everyone. Just because I don’t share the emotional aspects with anyone doesn’t mean I don’t have good friends around me. I think I have the best concoction of friends around me,,some very intelligent,,some very silly,,some very sensitive,,some very confused,,some very quite,,some very loud,,some very helping & all very loving. Perfect!!! Isn’t it??


“Hazaroon kwahishein aisi ki har kwahish pe dum nikle, nikle bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle”
Well said by Galib. A person has thousands of wishes & desires but not all of them get fulfilled. Likewise I have many wishes, so here’s the list of my wishes

1)Before I die, I wanna visit Harminder sahib (golden temple), Amritsar. I have a strong desire to go there. I just hope that soon I’ll go there.
2) I wanna spend few hours in the room where I was born at our home in Kashmir. Hope that that room will remain there as such till I visit it & of course our home also.
3) I wanna taste all that cuisines of the world that I have cherished on TV.
4) I wanna go on world tour & visit some of my favorite places that I have seen only on TV which includes Switzerland, Japan, UK, USA,etc. Hmmmmmmmmm quite big dreams!!
5) I wanna see the Seven Wonders of the World
6) I wanna go on a tour of India & visit all the historical monuments & other great places.
7) Before I die, I wanna attend the marriage ceremonies of all my friends so that they’ll have my photo in their marriage album & whenever they’ll see that they’ll remember me. This wish aroused in me when I got a sms from a friend of mine .
8) Before I’ll die, I wanna confess few things before few people.
9) I also wanna meet a friend of mine & spend some time together. Anyone reading this will say what’s the big deal about that, but actually it is.
10) I just wish by the time I die, I should have gifted my parents few things.
11) I have a strong desire to join politics because I wanna make few changes. So I just wish before I die I should be an MLA or MLC or MP or just a well known but a charismatic leader, all this but only after I have spend quite some time in doing my dream job.
12) By the time I die, I should have met with a terrible accident & should be in a very serious condition because I wanna see how much my friends & family love me. And of course I want that all my friends to come to see me with gifts & cards also.
13) I wanna open a very big school in collaboration with my friends & that’ll run according to my wish, of course.
14) I wanna spend few years of my life in Punjab or I can say in a typical pind of Punjab.
15) I wanna do few experiments before I die, but that’s a secret.
16) I wanna be a RJ but just for two or three months.
17) I wanna be a very famous author.
18) I really wanna do something for the street beggars. Probably I’ll make a small home for them.
19) I wanna adopt a child, preferably a girl & bring up her the way I wanted to live my life.
20) I wanna live alone in a place,, in complete solitude for about some 5-6 years.

Let’s see how many of my wishes come true.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

B for "Busy"!!!!!!!!

You guys must be thinking, “Is the writer of this blog a moron or what???????
What’s she teaching us,, A,B,C…?????”
Well friends, I am not teaching you that. As I have mentioned in earlier posts that I,once, loved making assignments, even now I do love that, then reading novels is a passion for me, and writing has always been a passion for me, so I am always busy in these things but I don’t do these just because heck of them but I really I love being busy.

Yeah it’s true!! Mostly people complaint that they don’t get free time, sometimes even I do that but still I love being busy. I am not doing some job, I am a student but I find ways to keep myself busy. Leisure isn’t for me. I don’t get bored even if I am alone because I always have something to do, whether it is making assignments(of my own or friends), reading novels, talking to my friends on phone and solving their problems, writing my diary or blog, net surfing, making some crafts and lots more. They say private sector sucks your blood but let me see how much they can take out of me. How much they can keep me busy.

One of my very close friends always keeps on telling me “Vandana kitni velli hai tu?” Once she said, “Why you do others work?” She said when I always completing lab manuals of few classmates. And I replied, “Because I love being busy.” And I really meant that.

Being busy, also reminds me that I am busy in reading Sheldon’s novel “The stars shine down” that means stage second of mission Sheldon is on its way to completion.


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