Monday, December 29, 2008

So called FRIENDS!!!

Best friends, close friends, fast friends, real friends, these friends, those friends,,,,,,,,,,,,,,all bullshit!!!

Yes, this is what I have learnt now. Hey just wait!! Don’t think that I don’t believe in friendship, I do believe in friendship & this relation still is the most important relation, for me at least. I rank this relation above all relations but the thing is that now I won’t give any tags to “FRIENDS”. Friend means friend only. One who really understands the meaning of friendship? I mean who is actually your friend & doesn’t put forward any terms & conditions. I was so astonished when I got to know that the people whom I thought were my friends actually think that friendship is a sort of give & take relationship & it is based on some terms & conditions,, is it??? And even if it is,, I think I have given too much but haven’t taken anything back except for some harsh words, as a reward for my good deeds. Well, this is only for the people who think that friends come at some terms & conditions but for those who really understands the meaning of friendship,, neither I have given them anything nor I haven’t taken anything back but of course, I have been there for them when they needed me the most & they have been there for me always. This is what I call friendship. For a person like me for whom nothing is more important than her pride & self esteem, it is very hard to control your anger when someone says something that is a direct attack on your pride but still you manage to control it as the person standing before you is none other than your so called friend,, for whom you have done so much,, & who is now returning everything in this form. But for how long you’ll take it quietly,, once the dormant volcano inside you will erupt & eventually everything will be turned into ashes. Really now everything around me is so jumbled that I don’t know what to do exactly. All I can say is that,, even if I’ll try to unravel the tangled strings of relations around me,, still I won’t be able to remove all the knots without breaking some strings. But since I am a person who believes in forgetting these bitter things,, I’ll try to brush up the speck of dust consisting of these kind of memories from the attire of sweet memories of my life.
You must be thinking that this girl always exaggerates things but nothing is exaggerated. All this I have learnt during a trip to Mata Vaishno Devi, the first time I went with my friends. As I always say that life is the greatest teacher & no one can teach you what life can, so here are few things that life taught me during this trip, in postulated form:
1) Friendship is not dependent on any terms & conditions
2) “A friend in need is a friend indeed”, I already knew this thing but again life taught me the same & my friend also learnt this.
3) Its your life, live it the way you want without caring what others will think.
4) A friend isn’t one who is with you always, but the one with whom your soul overlaps.
5) last but not the least, everything has a limit & we are human beings after all, not God.
The trip was fantastic. They say “All is well, if end is well”, here the end wasn’t well but still I managed to collect enormous sweet memories for the rest of my life.

picture of Mata ka Darbar shot from Bhairo Ghati

Are you thinking that I am too lost in all this & have given up reading? Nah!! I am still crazy about that. After “The Stars Shine Down”, I just have read two murder mysteries both by Agatha Christie viz., “A Caribbean Mystery” & “The Mysterious Affair at Styles”. Really, I am loving these murder mysteries. And, hey, you know what; the candidate whom I voted for won the elections by about 12000 votes. Isn’t it great?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Today I feel great!! You know why?? Well, because I just casted the first vote of my life-a constitutional right that that every citizen has. I have always been interested in this politics stuff,, from the time I was in 6th standard & for the first time we started reading civics-the study of rights & duties of citizenship. Then in 7th standard, there was a bi-election in our constituency. I somehow convinced my granny to cast her vote. She being illiterate wasn’t aware of how important is to vote? I went along with her. The officers on duty didn’t mind allowing me to go with my granny. My granny gave that stamp to me & I casted a vote, it wasn’t my first vote as it was my granny’s vote. The person whom I voted won elections but he died in the mid term,,,,,,,,so sad.
From then till now,, my interest in politics has increased rapidly. The long Agitation that was carried out in Jammu also contributed a lot in increasing my interest. May be one day, I’ll also join politics but there is a long time till then. Well, I made everyone in my family to vote & feels really great that there was 100% voting from our family. Now I have the right to say something in favor of or against the government as I have actually taken part in electing government. Let’s hope, the candidate I voted for, wins so that the time I spent waiting in a long queue doesn’t go waste.I put my fingers crossed.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Snapshots of my life!!!

I have a strong desire to be an author. When I search for novels, I usually find some of their excerpts. I don’t know I’ll be able to write a book or not but as a trail this post has some excerpts from my diary (recent ones).I haven’t written full names of my friends just because I don’t like interfering in their privacy. So here it goes:
“Good people deserves good” that’s what one of my best friend R has written in a scrap which she send to me today. Well, yeah I do agree to this & even I have told this to my another best friend S when she was feeling low after her sis couldn’t do well in the exam. I was saying this to console her. R said this because finally I have cleared Thermal. I wasn’t expecting this, so when I got to know that the result was out, I wasn’t worried as I was prepared for giving the exam again. Instead I was reading a novel which I have bought few days back.
Exactly two years have passed, since I have taken admission in M.I.E.T. I still remember my first day in college. As I entered the college, I found posters saying, “Ragging is a punishable offence”. But I don’t think seniors took that seriously. They appeared like vultures to the scared fresher’s.
Today, sir was asking everyone about their aggregate percentage & what they are going to do after engineering. I told I’ll go for job & probably not in MIET. NB said that he’ll get married after completion of engineering. When he was asked about job, he said, “By God’s grace I’ll get the job also”. What a moron he is? A’s remark was also a bit funny. I mean how a person can be so damn sure of getting placement right in 6th semester?
Finally I am getting comments on my posts. SB has posted a few comments & she said she’ll post more
I am mad, I am crazy. Yes that’s what I am. It’s 12:15am that means it’s not 30th, it’s 1st October. I couldn’t sleep as I haven’t written about how my day was? I didn’t find time to write as I was too busy in reading “Five point someone” or to be precise I was lost in that novel. When I completed “One night @ call centre” in just three days, I was feeling like I have proved Einstein’s theory wrong. I was such a moron. This is the word I have learned from Chetan’s novel. SB completed it in just one day or I can say half a day. What an amazing speed,man? I tried to complete FPS in one day but I couldn’t. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow.
College always rocks until we have to attend all the classes. Same professors with something new to teach,, well, who cares if they have something old to teach also. I mean it’s the same, old or new, you have to focus on what is being taught & get that set in your mind. I haven’t still started studying, something about which I was making tall claims. I know I’ll never change. Kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi hoti hai kya?? S’s new footware are so damn cool, man. I wish I would have bought same for choti but I know that dumbo would still have complained that she doesn’t like it & she wanna buy herself. God, this girl I don’t know what’s she gonna do in her life??
Yesterday evening, I got the news of sudden death of A bhaiya, brother of VC. Before uncle told me this, I was thinking something might have happened to VC as he is someone who is always up to some pangas. I had already frozen & when uncle told me this I felt like the earth under my feet has just slipped away. I couldn’t move, tears were already visible in my eyes. Before I return home, my cousin had already mom & others about this, though nothing was clear to them. I told everything to them. The condition of VC & his parents was really very bad. VC was in a great shock.
Poor ma’m!! What’s she doing?? Probably trying to be strict but she doesn’t know what these ECEians can do. Let ECEians be on their full strength & they’ll show where they rank her strictness. Well, why I am saying ‘they’, I am also an ECEian. Okay, we are really devils & don’t spare anyone.
E!! whenever she blames me for something, I can’t control my laughter. What was she saying?? “You keep on talking & sir says, E & group stop talking”. God, this girl is so funny.
P is depressed from yesterday. She isn’t telling me anything but I guess it’s something related to her family. Anyways, I know she’ll definitely tell this to me in future. I am not good to her but still she shares everything with me, almost everything. Her depression was once related to her first backlog then it was due to sudden death of her second cousins. Hope she’ll get normal soon. I do dislike her over certain things but still I want her to be like that, she doesn’t seem normal when she’s quite. I really love her when she’s sure about my success in future, I love her for her confidence in me, and I love her when she already knows that this thing is gonna be a cause of my depression. God, she knows me so well!! My frequency matches with hers or I can say we have synchronized frequencies.
“The more you try to be friends with everyone, the more you mess up with relations”. That’s what I have learned from my friendly attitude. I was just trying to give more time to P & unknowingly I hurt others. How much I hurt them, I don’t know but this thing hurt me a lot. Okay, from now I won’t be with anyone. I’ll be alone. I think that’s perfect. Be alone & no one will complain. The more you try to be good, the more you become bad. These damn assignments, hell with them!! They are responsible for all this tension.
Writing after a long time. Actually, I was busy in exams. Well, not so busy as I start studying after 9 or 10pm & one hour in morning. Almost all exams went good except for a few. I wonder how I did that?? Actually, reading novels has improved my concentration & now I don’t get distracted towards other things. Still haven’t read those novels, well, because I am busy in assignments, net surfing, talking on phone & giving advises to my friends. I wonder why they consult me?? Of course, I feel good when they call me. I guess they think I am intelligent, it’s my assumption. Am I intelligent?? Hey wait!! Of course, I am. If not in bookish knowledge, then in relations.
Two backlogs,, one after another in two consecutive semesters,, in a single year. What a shame for me?? Why this happens with me only?? When I got first backlog, I didn’t cried but today when NC called me to ask about my result, I couldn’t control my tears. Everyone was calling but I couldn’t attend their calls.
Three days to go for my 21st birthday but I already got my birthday gift- one backlog again. I can’t say this is the worst day of my life as today, when I was weeping in class, I realized my weeping matters to many people. SB is such a sweetheart. They way she sympathized me, I love her for that. Even everyone was sympathizing. Actually, I am responsible for my backlog, no one else. It’s my carelessness.
Today is my birthday. The past few days were the worst days of my life, full of depression, tears & headache. I saw 21 missed calls on my cell when I woke up. They were actually calls from my friends but since I didn’t received any of them, they became missed calls. After that I received so many calls till night. Everyone in class wished me, it was great.
I never wanted the things to go this way but I didn’t realized when things went against me. I am literally messing up with things. I know I am a very complicated person so it’s better for me to stay alone.
I can’t go on Jagriti Yatra, this is something I always wanted but just my luck. This happens when you have a very loving mom who won’t allow you to go away from her.

that's it!!!!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

PERFECT!!!!!!! ISN'T IT?????????

Before you read this let me tell you, it is a total crap (like my other posts) & it may fly over your head. Read if you still want or leave it,,your wish.

As I always say, life is a roller coaster of emotions. I don’t know about others but for me it has always been a roller coaster of emotions. Now what’s so emotional about my life?? You must be thinking this,, right?? There are so many emotional things about my life & I am myself, a very emotional person. Emotional, not a cry baby. I am known to be a very jovial person & of course very bold, but I do have that emotional part in me. I ,too, get hurt over little things but the thing is that I control my emotions very well. I believe in forgetting so I forget these little things. Where I feel that I am being hurt, I just hold myself & tell myself, “Everything is gonna be fine, it’s not a big thing, you have faced tougher conditions”. I just don’t like sharing my emotional aspects with anyone,, just because I don’t think anyone else can understand what I am feeling like. Hey, don’t think I have very emotional things to share that can send shiver down your spine, just few things that I think I am not comfortable sharing with anyone. It’s easy to say, “I can understand what you are going through.” But do people actually understand? I too, sympathize my friends whenever things go against them. I, being a good listener, listen to their problems very calmly. To some extent I can make an approximation of their pain & sorrow but I do confess I can’t actually feel like what they are going through. In fact, it is hard for anyone to do so. Therefore, it’s better to keep these emotional things within oneself only. Moreover, it’s the matter of trust. You tell someone (say, your so called best friend) something very confidential & for telling which, you have gathered so much courage, what if that person doesn’t keep it as a secret? How will you feel then?? I mean, it may not be the fault of that person because the thing which seems to be so confidential to you may not be that important to that person. For him or her, it may be a crap. Well, it’s upto you only, whether you want to share your feelings with someone or you want to keep a few things confined to yourself only. I am not teaching you anything or telling you which path to follow. But as far as I am concerned, I keep few things (too emotional ones) confined to me only. Keeping this emotional aspect aside; I am like an open book. Whatever I do, what I like, what I dislike is known to everyone. Just because I don’t share the emotional aspects with anyone doesn’t mean I don’t have good friends around me. I think I have the best concoction of friends around me,,some very intelligent,,some very silly,,some very sensitive,,some very confused,,some very quite,,some very loud,,some very helping & all very loving. Perfect!!! Isn’t it??


“Hazaroon kwahishein aisi ki har kwahish pe dum nikle, nikle bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle”
Well said by Galib. A person has thousands of wishes & desires but not all of them get fulfilled. Likewise I have many wishes, so here’s the list of my wishes

1)Before I die, I wanna visit Harminder sahib (golden temple), Amritsar. I have a strong desire to go there. I just hope that soon I’ll go there.
2) I wanna spend few hours in the room where I was born at our home in Kashmir. Hope that that room will remain there as such till I visit it & of course our home also.
3) I wanna taste all that cuisines of the world that I have cherished on TV.
4) I wanna go on world tour & visit some of my favorite places that I have seen only on TV which includes Switzerland, Japan, UK, USA,etc. Hmmmmmmmmm quite big dreams!!
5) I wanna see the Seven Wonders of the World
6) I wanna go on a tour of India & visit all the historical monuments & other great places.
7) Before I die, I wanna attend the marriage ceremonies of all my friends so that they’ll have my photo in their marriage album & whenever they’ll see that they’ll remember me. This wish aroused in me when I got a sms from a friend of mine .
8) Before I’ll die, I wanna confess few things before few people.
9) I also wanna meet a friend of mine & spend some time together. Anyone reading this will say what’s the big deal about that, but actually it is.
10) I just wish by the time I die, I should have gifted my parents few things.
11) I have a strong desire to join politics because I wanna make few changes. So I just wish before I die I should be an MLA or MLC or MP or just a well known but a charismatic leader, all this but only after I have spend quite some time in doing my dream job.
12) By the time I die, I should have met with a terrible accident & should be in a very serious condition because I wanna see how much my friends & family love me. And of course I want that all my friends to come to see me with gifts & cards also.
13) I wanna open a very big school in collaboration with my friends & that’ll run according to my wish, of course.
14) I wanna spend few years of my life in Punjab or I can say in a typical pind of Punjab.
15) I wanna do few experiments before I die, but that’s a secret.
16) I wanna be a RJ but just for two or three months.
17) I wanna be a very famous author.
18) I really wanna do something for the street beggars. Probably I’ll make a small home for them.
19) I wanna adopt a child, preferably a girl & bring up her the way I wanted to live my life.
20) I wanna live alone in a place,, in complete solitude for about some 5-6 years.

Let’s see how many of my wishes come true.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

B for "Busy"!!!!!!!!

You guys must be thinking, “Is the writer of this blog a moron or what???????
What’s she teaching us,, A,B,C…?????”
Well friends, I am not teaching you that. As I have mentioned in earlier posts that I,once, loved making assignments, even now I do love that, then reading novels is a passion for me, and writing has always been a passion for me, so I am always busy in these things but I don’t do these just because heck of them but I really I love being busy.

Yeah it’s true!! Mostly people complaint that they don’t get free time, sometimes even I do that but still I love being busy. I am not doing some job, I am a student but I find ways to keep myself busy. Leisure isn’t for me. I don’t get bored even if I am alone because I always have something to do, whether it is making assignments(of my own or friends), reading novels, talking to my friends on phone and solving their problems, writing my diary or blog, net surfing, making some crafts and lots more. They say private sector sucks your blood but let me see how much they can take out of me. How much they can keep me busy.

One of my very close friends always keeps on telling me “Vandana kitni velli hai tu?” Once she said, “Why you do others work?” She said when I always completing lab manuals of few classmates. And I replied, “Because I love being busy.” And I really meant that.

Being busy, also reminds me that I am busy in reading Sheldon’s novel “The stars shine down” that means stage second of mission Sheldon is on its way to completion.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Mission Sheldon!!!!!!!!!

As I have mentioned in earlier posts also, reading is my latest passion. From the month of august (this year) till now, I have read eight books. Thanks to that agitation that was going in Jammu & Arindam Chaudhuri (because of whom I incorporated the habit of reading in me). His book “Count your chickens before they hatch” was really very motivating & it motivated me to read novels. Now I can’t imagine my life without novels, I am so addicted to them.

Three months before, if you would have asked me about Sidney Sheldon, I would have no answer but now after reading just one of his novel, I have become such a huge fan of him that I can tell you his full biography. I have read Sheldon’s last novel “Are you afraid of the dark?” Sheldon was such a great author. I wish he was alive so that he would have written more novels.

“Are you afraid of the dark?” is a fantastic novel. A murder mystery actually. I never thought I would like murder mysteries but this novel changed my thinking. Four cities, four murders, one common link. It is great, I tell you. Kelly, a character of this novel, was a bit like Mariam of Khaled Hosseni’s second novel “A thousand Splendid Suns” (again one of my favorite novel). Diane was also good. I actually liked all the characters except the negative ones and I guess they are included just because they are meant to be hated by all. A great novel.

Why Sheldon died in 2007? A year before I started reading, but thank God, still he managed to write 18 novels , so I have 17 more novels to read. Soon I’ll start reading the next one. Stage 1 of “Mission Sheldon” completed, still 17 stages left. Let’s see when I’ll complete my mission.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

GROWING NETWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once a friend of mine called me (you must be thinking what’s the big deal about that, everyone receives calls from friends, sounding a bit like Chetan’s novel, but just let me proceed). He needed some help regarding assignments & since I live in a-sort-of-rural area which is a bit far away from his place so it wasn’t possible for him to collect that assignment from me. I suggested him to collect that from another classmate who was done with his assignments. I even offered him that if he wants I can give him his number (well that’s me, until I solve my friends’ problems, I don’t feel relaxed). He was astonished that I had the number of that classmate. After that we had a long conversation regarding my expanding friend circle. It was after that conversation, I thought about the pros & cons of my expanding friend circle or in my friend’s language my “GROWING NETWORK”.

I am a very friendly person, that’s what I think of myself (being a self obsessed person, I always have something good to talk about myself). Well how friendly I am, you better ask this to my friends. I want that who so ever comes in my life, should remember me for rest of his or her life so as far as possible I help others so that they’ll remember me. I have mentioned this in an earlier post also. I feel extremely happy when any friend of mine shares his or her problems with me & I feel even happier if I can be of any help to him or her. I want all of my classmates to be my friend & almost all my classmates are actually friends of mine. So that’s a big achievement for me. I have succeeded in my mission. But after having succeeded in my mission, I realized that it’s not that easy to be friends with everyone. It has its own negative side. Everyone demands time from you but you don’t have enough time. While giving time to others, you forgot to spend time with your close friends who then complain about that. It really hurts when any of your close friend says, “When you are in company of others you completely forget us.” And only after this very genuine statement you realize that it’s not easy to be friends with everyone & same happened with me. After realizing this, I started to spend more time with my close friends so that they realize what they mean to me. They are more special to me.

Now I am trying to keep the service of my growing network good so that no subscriber has complaints.

Friday, October 24, 2008

"A" for ASSIGNMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whenever someone asks “A for”, the first A-word that clicks my mind is “ASSIGNMENTS”. I do remember that in nursery we were taught that “A is for Apple” but after I got admission in engineering college, the only A-word I remember is assignments. We, poor future engineers of India, are dumped under the heap of assignments. As soon as we enter a new semester, the history repeats.

Initially I enjoyed making assignments. I remember the time when we had to make assemblies in assignments in Machine Drawing. It was my favorite subject as it involves lots of imagination & creativity. Well that’s my take, for everyone else this subject was a headache. Once I made an assignment for almost whole of the class. It was an assembly of pedestal bearing, if I remember correctly. I really enjoyed that but our teacher got to know that its only one person who had made almost all the assignments & for that I got lots of scolding as reward. And after that whenever I went to get my assignment checked, our teacher would tell other students, “If you don’t want to make your assignments then just give them to Vandana. She’s free enough to make them”. Quite a sarcastic comment.

In other subjects also I tried my level best to make assignments first of all & best of all. I didn’t realized that when it became an obsession for me. I put all my talent of writing beautifully in making them the best & of course, I searched so many books so that the content of my assignments is also best. Then I used to decorate them with pink, blue, green, silver, golden, almost every possible colored sparkle pens, then covering the assignment files with white, black, yellow covers, labeling them & then again covering them with plastic sheets. Guys say that only gals can do this & so sometimes I have to do this for my friends also. Precisely, I can say I gave all my blood to make my assignments best of all & of course half of my pocket money also. Sometimes I am so lost in making assignments & even I get the weird dreams of assignments. Even now I try to make my assignments best of all but not first of all because now I have many more interesting things to do. After my assignments are made, they are ready for their journey to get photo stated again & again. Almost every student has a copy of it. Being a technocrat, I sometimes scan my assignments & mail it to my friends, who remember at the last hour that they have to make assignments.

These assignments really suck. No doubt, why Chetan Bhagat has mentioned about assignments in “Five point someone”. No engineer can deny that assignments suck.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


“Yippee”. Well I love this word since the time I heard it from my cute little nephew (he often uses this word). Okay, I also have a reason to say it & be excited as I have read all three novels of Chetan Bhagat. Isn’t it great? I know it is not that great, you guys must me laughing & thinking what is so exciting about it? But I feel like I have done Ph.D. on Chetan Bhagat’s novels.

“Vandana & books miles apart” this is something that I had written in my orkut profile about books some time back. At that time I had never thought that I would go crazy about novels like this.

Coming back to Chetan’s novels, my favorite is “Five Point Someone”. It’s something related to engineering students so it’s easy to relate with its characters. The problems they face are same as ours, low grades, so many assignments, tension about placements & future, of course. As I have said earlier “Ryan”, a character of that novel is me. A totally fundo guy, not worried about his low grades, give importance to friends more than family, have ample time for his passions, a spend thrift, always working on new plans just like me. I don’t hate my parents like him & neither do I drink or smoke & I am a girl but still a replica of Ryan.

“One night @ the call center” is also good but not as good as FPS. The best thing about that novel is that it tells you that you should listen to your inner voice & do what it says. Characters of that novel are people working in a call center & living in a metro having a modern lifestyle (indeed very modern), facing some problems in life, so except for a few things, I couldn’t relate to the characters. But still it’s better to read the novel than to watch “Hello” (movie based on that novel).

“Three mistakes of my life” is also good but again not good as FPS. Gujarati people, cricket, religion, politics & business that’s what this novel is all about. Well, their lifestyles are bit similar to ours, so you can identify yourself with some characters. “If you have a dream then just follow it from full heart & it’ll definitely take you somewhere”, I learned this from this novel. But it actually doesn’t have this central idea. You have to take some risks in life if you have to achieve something & you should do that because until you make a mistake you can’t learn how to rise high. That’s what the novel teaches.

Chetan your creations are incredible & you really rock man!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Mixed vegetables!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t get confused by the title of this post. This post will not teach you how to cook mixed vegetables. There are about dozens of cookery shows on every channel that will teach you that & surely much better than what I can teach you (cooking is alien to me). This post isn’t about some particular topic. It’s a mixture. That’s why I have given it the name mixed vegetables.


Increasing T.R.P.’s of some students is a much discussed topic in our class these days. Okay, again, don’t get confused. You must be thinking what T.R.P. has to do with students?? It is related to television. Well, yes you are absolutely right T.R.P. means Television Rating Point but we have given a new definition to T.R.P. It’s Teacher’s Rating Point. But hey, it’s not something related to getting into good books of teachers & becoming teacher’s pet. It’s about being pointed by teachers when you are busy in talking or laughing or non serious behavior in class or doing something that you shouldn’t be doing in class. The more you are pointed out by different teachers, the more is your T.R.P. I have good T.R.P. for one teacher but for other teachers it’s still low. So my wishes to all of my friends to get higher & higher T.R.P.’s. Friends keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My friends are not a bore at all (as I said in earlier post). Apart from shopping & gossiping, they are interested in novels also. They didn’t share this with me so I was ignorant about this. But as I told them about my latest passion, reading again became everyone’s favorite hobby. And hey, guess what?? They are reading my blog also. Good going gals!!! (don’t think I have only gals as my friends, guys are also my friend but they are surely not interesting in reading, I bet you).And of course my reading fever still isn’t down; I have read one more novel & presently I am reading “A thousand splendid suns”. After completing this I’ll read Chetan’s third novel. Then I’ll read some of Sidney Sheldon’s novels. Seems this fever won’t be over soon. Well, that’s me. Until I really get bored with something, I don’t give it up.


What a crap????????? I had great expectations from this movie after I read “One night @ the call center” but this movie really disappointed me. Many things of the novel were not included in the movie & much crap was included in it which had nothing to do with the novel. Since I didn’t watch it in a theatre so disappointment was a bit less. Thanks to piracy, I managed to get a DVD of “Hello” & watch that at home, hence saved my money & they say piracy is a bad thing. Is piracy a bad thing???????? Hmmmmmmmmmm…….well let’s not get into that debate, “Hello” is a crap, that’s it.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Bond between siblings!!!!!!!!!!!

“Stop crying, Vandana, he won’t come back. Tears only cause eyes to swell & headache.”
It’s only after hearing these words I realized that I was actually weeping. I hardly weep & I don’t weep unless & until there is something really very serious. Then why I was weeping????? Well, I was weeping as I have been to my friend’s home for condolence whose elder brother (his only brother) met with a tragic road accident & died on the spot. I haven’t seen his brother but the way my friend told me how much his brother meant to him & how much he loved his brother, really caused tears to roll down my cheeks.

Really the bond between siblings is something beyond any definition. It’s not purely friendship & not purely enmity. It’s a perfect concoction of friendship & enmity. I guess everyone loves to share the moments of joys & sorrows with his or her siblings & at the same time ready to fight with them in case they tease or start arguing. Tiffs & fights are something that adds spice to this relationship & of course everyone has his or her own reason to start fight with his or her siblings. This post becoming so sort of essay so let me just tell you about my relationship with my siblings (that won’t make much difference; still it’ll be crap to you).

I have two sisters, one elder to me by some one year & seven months & other younger to me by some five years & one month. No brother. We three sisters are three different personalities with one similarity-our big big eyes. People say that elder siblings are much matured beings but I have a different opinion. Well, if I talk of my elder sis, no doubt, she is one of the most beautiful people I know(I never told this to her as I know if I’ll tell her this she’ll be flying in air then & I want her to remain her on this earth) but she is nuts. She keeps on talking non sense all the time till she’s with me & to add more she’s a chatter box. She keeps on telling me about her friends, her teachers & more crap. I do get incredibly bored by her crap (as you get bored by my crap, I mean my blog) but still she continues & I hardly listen. It’s a habit that she can’t change. She can’t do anything without previously taking suggestions from me. She keeps on saying, “Bandu, please tell na should I do this??”, “Bandu, please tell na should I do that?” God, she behaves as if I am elder to her. And if we start fighting then you never know how serious it would turn out to be. I still have a scar on my left ankle which was formed when she attacked me with a knife. Well, we were very small then. One of her bad habit, which initiates fight between us, is that she always interferes in my matters. I never interfere in her matters, it hardly matters to me what is happening in her life but I don’t know when she’ll grow up & stop interfering in my matters.

The equation between me & my younger sis is quite different. At home she is a mischievous devil but when she steps out of home, she turns out to be the most sweetest & innocent angel. She keeps on troubling me all the time & sometimes gets slaps from me for that but she’s my sweet little doll & I love her a lot. I wanna her to enjoy her life to the fullest & live like a princess. I & choti are one team & together we tease our elder sis a lot. We keep on praying all the time that our elder sis should get married as soon as possible so that we can enjoy even more.

Well, it absolutely doesn’t matter how much we fight or argue we love each other a lot. I want both of them with me forever (well I know it isn’t possible as they’ll be getting married sooner or later). But of course, I pray for all the siblings of the world that they should never get separated like my friend lost his brother. God are you listening this??????????

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Reading Bug!!!!!!!!!

Reading has become my new passion. Well I keep on developing new passions every two or three months. They say books are your best friend but I never found them as my best friends. I mean they don’t listen to your problems; on the contrary you listen to them, I mean you read them. Until I was in school, I have to be friends or I can say close friends with my subjective books. A friendship which was partly forced & partly necessary because then I had a strong urge to top. Now when I am in third year of my college, I still have some kind of friendship with my subjective books just because I have to clear all the subjects (now the urge to top has completely vanished). They say when you are doing professional course (especially engineering); you don’t have time for your passions. But I have ample time for them. Gizmos, gadgets, writing & now reading, I have time for all of them but not for my studies.

Reading was never a passion for me. I do read newspaper, magazines but that’s not passion, I guess. I mean everyone does that. It’s only during the past few months I found books interesting (not my subjective books, they still are a forced friend). The first book I read was “Count your chickens before they hatch”, by Arindam Chaudhuri. A management book, still I find it very interesting. I am not going to give a complete book review to bore you. Second was second novel of Chetan Bhagat “One night at the call center”. I like that also. Indian authors, I love them because it’s easy to understand them & their thinking. After reading that I felt a strong urge to watch “Hello”; so maybe I’ll watch that as soon as it releases. Third book I read is Chetan’s first novel “Five point someone”. Now that was my story. “Ryan”, a character of that novel is me. A totally fundo guy, not worried about his low grades, give importance to friends more than family, have ample time for his passions, a spend thrift, always working on new plans just like me. I don’t hate my parents like him & neither do I drink or smoke & I am a girl but still a replica of Ryan. FSB is a great book, I tell you. You guys must be laughing at me. People of my age have read this book when they were in 10th standard & I finished it now, when I am in third year. So guys, you really have a point to laugh. But it’s not my fault; I was bitten by reading bug only few months back. Soon I’ll be reading Chetan’s third novel “Three mistakes of my life”. Yes, I like Chetan’s novel a lot (as I have read his novels only).

I have gone crazy about novels. When a friend of mine was telling the meaning of her name to a professor, I took it as the title of a novel & even asked her to lend that novel to me for reading. God, I am mad, totally mad.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tough journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was a kid, I was very excited about my first day in new class. More than the new class I was very excited about new colorful books. I was very fascinated watching those colorful books. As I progressed to higher classes, the colorful books turned into black & white; and my excitement was also over. Now when I am doing engineering, the excitement isn’t about new books or new teachers, it’s only about spending time with friends because when college is off we don’t get chance to meet all of the friends, of course I meet all my close friends even when the college is off but I don’t get chance to meet other friends.

Today was the first day of my 5th semester. Now it’s purely electronics stuff. As it was the first day, all the teachers told us that things are not gonna be that easy in future. We really have to work hard to get certain minimum percentage of marks in order to be eligible for campus selection. So it’s really a tough journey ahead. I got to be serious about my studies now. I never bothered about marks from the time I entered college. I mean I don’t want to be the topper & make all other feel jealous of me. Believe it or not but it is a fact that all are jealous of the topper & that’s why toppers are always alone. I just want my friends with me & marks are not that important.
Otherwise I am a diehard optimist but this thing (low percentage) is really worrying me. My best friend (who knows me better than anyone else) told me not to worry as luck always sides me, well touch wood to that, but still I need to put an extra effort. Half engineering over, pure electronics stuff now, percentage still not good, placements starting next semester,,,,,,,,,,,, oh my God it’s too much but it’s life. I just hope everything goes smoothly & I think it absolutely doesn’t matter what happens in future as whatever happens, happens for the good.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Hoping against the hope!!!!!!!!!!!

28th of September, 2006 was my first day in college. Exactly two years have passed but still the memories are fresh in my mind. But I am not gonna discuss all that stuff. Today is 28th of September so I mentioned that. This post is connected to spirituality. Spirituality, for me, is a way to connect with God & the best way is to keep your fellow beings happy. I have a deep undying faith in God. Even if I am damn sure that things are not going to be in my favor, still I have a small hope. It’s like hoping against the hope. If I don’t get something even after trying for a long time, then in my last trial I leave everything to God & that trial turns out to be a success. I just try to keep persons around me happy & I think it’s their wishes & prayers that work for me. I believe more in this prayer stuff than I believe in hard work. “Do good & have good”, well said by someone. This mantra always works for me. You also give a try to this & see what difference it makes.

Friday, September 26, 2008

The TV shows saga!!!!!


Rodies, a very popular show among the youth, is my all time favorite. I have been watching this show from finale of 3rd season. Unfortunately I missed the first two seasons completely. Unfortunate because both Rannvijay & Ayushmann are my favorite VJ’s & I couldn’t see their journey to success. This reality show unlike other reality shows has a very unique concept. I know I am sounding a bit technical so coming back to the lighter side, this shows is all about the daredevils. I just love the daring tasks that they perform. I once ask my mom to take a break from that sick saas bahu serials & watch Rodies but on that day Rodies were made to eat that horrible cuisine, I think it was in Malaysia, if I remember correctly (it was season 5). So my mom really didn’t like it. But I didn’t feel yuk about watching people eating frogs & snakes, instead I enjoyed watching it. And after that whenever I am watching Rodies & someone comes & ask me what are you watching? Then before I would answer, my mom would at once tell that it is Rodies in which people are made to eat frogs & snakes. Well I think I need to give my mom a better description of the show. I don’t wanna be a Rodie but still like the show a lot. So I am waiting eagerly for the 6th season to come.


Hopping to my next favorite show, FRIENDS, I have mentioned about this show in previous post also so I won’t discuss it. I just love all the characters of the show but my favorite are Joe & Phoebe. I just hope we’ll be able to see its next season soon. Well I really don’t understand that hard core drama & emotions of other shows so this is the only show of star world that I like.


Next is Shin Chan. Any Shin Chan fan out there? This is my favorite cartoon. When I was a kid, I had only cartoons in the list of my favorite shows but now it’s just Shin Chan. I was introduced to this show by my sweet & cute nephew. I got to know from my cousin sis that even when everyone is sleeping, my nephew would keep waking till 11pm to watch Shin Chan, that too at the age to two years. I was like what’s so special about this, let me also watch that. I didn’t realized & even none in my family realized that when all of us became a Shin Chan fanatic. We just can’t get enough of Shin Chan.


Well yes I am a Disney channel fanatic. All the shows of this channel are too good. I love Life with Derek, Hannah Montana, The suite life of Zack & Cody, wizards of Waverly place, etc. That “Best of both worlds” by Hannah truly rocks. I have been trying for so long to learn the lyrics but still I haven’t succeeded.


Apart from this I love to watch cookery shows, not because I love cooking (I can hardly cook anything except plans), but because I truly relish the dishes that are shown. Among such shows Indian Food Made Easy by Anjum Anand is my favorite.


No one can copy better than Indians do. Whether it is copy of “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?” or “Big Brother”, Indians are perfect copy cat. Panchvi pass I didn’t find that good but Bigg Boss is good.
There isn’t anything to be discussed about those sick saas bahu serials because I hardly watch any of them except for those which are favorite of my mom & granny. These serials really make me to go WTF! I mean who wears those sarees & jewellery weighing quintals at home & to add more, these incredibly boring & torturing serials never end. C’mon you directors make something that is closer to reality. Be practical.
I just wanna voice my opinion (I know it hardly counts) so I posted this.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Alopecia areata & my cousin

I am damn sure that all of you must have heard about Aladdin’s lamp. In case you don’t know about that, then let me tell you that Aladdin had a magical lamp, whenever he would rub that lamp, a genie would come out & do whatever Aladdin asked him to do.

I also have Aladdin’s lamp. Well it’s a bit different, I don’t have to rub it & I don’t get everything done. I have queries & I my lamp have answers. This lamp is my cousin. My cousin is an encyclopedia for me or you can say a search engine. Fourteen hours younger to me (not even a full day); he’s the most intelligent person of this universe (for me). See, I am not a very intellectual person & I don’t have those big big questions to ask about creation of universe, life on other planets, future of earth, etc. I have general questions to ask about the new things that I get to know & he has all my answers. Except for alopecia areata, till now he has answered all my queries correctly. If you are thinking what this alopecia areata is, then let me tell you it is an autoimmune disease which leads to hair loss on scalp & elsewhere in small round patches. Now you must be thinking I am studying medicine. No no, I am not a medical student; I am an engineering student & am absolutely not interested in collecting information about such weird diseases. Then why I was asking about alopecia areata? Well my encyclopedia, I mean my cousin is suffering from this disease. When I asked that does he know the name of the disease he is suffering from? He had no answer. Coincidently, I happened to read somebody’s blog. That person was also suffering from this disease & from there I got to know about the name of this disease. I just told my cousin the name & he got all the information about that disease by himself.

Hair of his beard is falling & because of this hair fall some round patches have been formed on both of his cheeks. The comforting news is that alopecia areata is not a painful disease and does not make people feel sick physically. It is not contagious, and people who have the disease are generally healthy otherwise, but it is incurable.

When the patches were small, tension was small but as the patches are becoming bigger tension & stress is increasing as the emotional aspects of living with hair loss, however, can be challenging. My dad had also suffered from this disease in the same manner long ago & it was cured. My cousin approached few people but for no use. So finally he’s consulting someone whom my dad consulted. That person has a very funny name i.e. “Koda nai”. This name has become a kind of joke for our family. But I think not a joke for the person who is actually suffering. There are some four kinds of medicines which he has to apply. One is a black powder which is to be mixed in butter; the other is a white powder which is to be mixed in coconut oil, another powder which is to be mixed in curd & finally there is a liquid that produces a burning sensation. Poor cousin has to do so much labour for getting rid of this alopecia areata. He’s back to his hostel, I just hope when he’ll come back, he won’t have that patches & would have his normal beard back.

Ok ok I heard that you are getting bored with this, so before you ask me, let me myself cut this crap

Friday, September 12, 2008

always on the move!!!!!!!!!!!

As I have mentioned in the previous post, the thing which we (me & my friends) love to do is “Vellagiri” that means total time pass by wandering in streets of city, shopping & eating. From the day, Sanghash samiti has suspended strike i.e. 31st of august; I am on constant move with no tension & worries about my forthcoming exams. Well it’s a bit astonishing because gals are not supposed to do this kind of vellagiri (being a jammuite) but exceptions are always there. I love spending time with friends while shopping & enjoying food. Well people who know me will find it hard to believe, vandana & food, no connection but I am a big foodie. Hey please believe me…….
I was too desperate to meet my friends as I hadn’t seen them for more than a month so I was praying that the strike should end soon. Just to remind you, the strike was for the restoration of land to SASB. And as it ended, it gave me wings to fly. From that day till now, there isn’t a single day when I am at home. To be very honest I am fed up of this now. It’s too much. Now I realize too much of everything is bad. Because of the tiresome day I spend, I have weird dreams at night (if I’ll tell you what kind of dreams, you’ll die laughing) & I have become very absent minded as well. I’ll give you one example.
I had to get a demand draft made & I had some work in telephone exchange. I planned that first I’ll go to exchange & then I’ll get DD made from the bank opposite to the exchange. I have been to that place a hundred times & I know it very well. But when I reached there, there wasn’t any bank opposite to exchange. “What happened to that bank????” I asked this to my friend & she said that there wasn’t any bank there from the time she has been visiting that place. That made me to leave my mouth wide open. I can exactly tell you how that bank looked like from outside. May be I saw that in my dreams. But I was very much sure that there was a bank at that place. Still being very puzzled, I am warning myself by telling, “Dear if it goes like that, you are sure to be admitted in mental hospital, so just stop this.”
So now I am giving my wings rest till I decide to fly really very high, not to touch the sky but to fly beyond that……….

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

me, my friends, my blog!!!!!

FRIENDS, one of my all time favorite shows, really made me to fantasize my life like that after few years of leaving college. Of course not exactly like that as there are many things in the show that I really don’t want to happen with my friends. But ya I do like the way, all six friends enjoy their life. I do admit that we are not like them, we are Indians & can’t be like them but I do want my friends to be with me even after we leave college & they all get married. If you are thinking why “they”? Why not “we”? Then let me tell you that I am not gonna get married, I have mentioned this in my first post also (just to remind you). Well why not? Just because I wanna see how difficult the life can be & also because I don’t want anyone to interfere in my life. I wanna live the way I want to. I wanna take all the decisions of the life by myself so I don’t have anyone to blame for any problem in my life & I don’t want anyone to take credit of any of my achievement. It should be “ME” & only “ME” who should be responsible for anything happening in my life, whether good or bad. Huh………. It seems to be very tough journey ahead but still there’s a long time to go.
Ok coming back to friends, even after all my friends get busy in their lives, I want that all of us should have a contact & should keep meeting, if not in a coffee shop (as Joe, phoebe, Ross & others do in FRIENDS), then in some other good place. It would be great if we all have such a life after 5-6 years of leaving the college & it would be even much better if our friendship continues like that till death.
In college we all have done many good & silly things that none can forget & we are still doing all that silly & good stuff. Apart from the things we have done in college, there’s only one interesting thing that we have done & that is wandering in city. Well yup, this is the interesting thing that I have done besides what I have done in college. After mass bunks or even when college is off, we are off to city. Just a call from my dearest pals & I am out with them. Well you must be thinking what’s interesting about that, everyone does that. Ya I do agree, but keeping the fact in mind that we all friends are absolute nerd & have nothing interesting to do so this is the only interesting stuff that we can think of. Eating & shopping the two things we are obsessed with. Unlike others of our age, who are very much interested in very creative work, we are complacent with all what we do & whatever we do is a total wastage of time but we enjoy this.
I can hardly name any friend of mine who has some interesting hobby, at least none among girls. Guys do play sports whenever they get time, but girls can hardly think of anything except gossiping. When I was introduced to blogging (of course not by any of friend but by newspaper), I told my friends about that & even mentioned it in my orkut profile but no one really cared. They are such a bore. Bore not in the sense that I get bored with them, I do enjoy with them but they don’t have anything interesting to do expect doing masti together. I admit that I am no exception to that. I read in graffiti column in Times of India that “a bore is a guy having different hobby than yours”, I guess it’s absolutely right, at least in my context. I know some people don’t find blogging interesting (especially my friends) but they should have at least read my blog once & post their comments. Just to give me another reason to blog. But anyways I’ll keep on blogging till my friends also find this interesting, that means lifetime.

Monday, September 8, 2008

forgetting the unforgettable

Well it’s nothing related to the tour of Bacchan’s, it’s about some people, some memories that you wanna forget. Those people were once a part of your life but now you wanna forget them. There are some memories that you don’t wanna remember, these may be associated with those people or these memories can be related to anything. But whatever you do to get rid of them, you always find those people, those memories still living inside you. So it’s not so easy to forget them. Likewise I do get nostalgic about few persons & few memories & it’s really impossible to forget them.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

brought up like a prince!

If you will ask any father how he has brought up his daughter? In most of the cases the answer will be “like a princess”. But I am not brought up like a princess with that tender care. My dad is a rough man I mean he does love me a lot but he doesn’t always shower his love & affection on me or I can say that he doesn’t express. My dad is more like a friend not because I share everything with him but because I don’t have to be formal with him, I can talk to him the way I talk to my friends. For him, I someone with whom he can share his official problems. I do get incredibly bored when he starts telling me what happened in his office but I have to listen (even everyone in family has to listen). I also help him in his official work; of course in return he has to give me something in turn. He often calls me “yaar”. We both are equally stubborn & none is willing accept defeat so if an argument starts between us, it ends without any conclusion. When we both are at home, we give lot of exercise to our vocal cords; I mean we keep on fighting & shouting. Others will think that we don’t have manners but it’s our family tradition he he he. He expects too much from me & is very proud of me. He never praises me in front of me but often I have listen from others that he’s very proud of me. Initially he wanted me to be a doctor but since I wasn’t able to get through CET so I opted for engineering. He still says if I would have pursued law, I would have been a well known advocate or chief justice of high court. He also believes that I can easily get through KAS. Well, all parents think their children are no less than Einstein. But I know what my potential is & what I want to do.
I am not brought up like a princess as I said earlier; I am brought up like a prince. Unlike other fathers who don’t let their daughters do anything, my dad made me to do everything that he should have done for me. Like he made me to decide what I am gonna do to after my school ; how I am gonna get admission in college; what documents I’ll need for that; from where to get that documents; how’ll I get that bank drafts made etc. I get everything that I demand but I have to get that myself. Like when I asked for pc, I had to go myself & buy that. But I have never complained about that because this thing has made me more confident & self dependent. I just ask for money, rest everything I get myself. So my dad has contributed a lot to make me a tomboy (I do think like guys sometimes well not sometimes it’s all the times I guess). Thanks dad.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

me- a rebellion

I am known to be a rebellion in my family. I am not the one who will accept the things as they come to me. If I find something wrong I rebel. I being very short tempered & aggressive, get heated up very soon & without seeing with whom I am talking I just explode(this is the right word that I can use here).I can’t tolerate injustice of any kind. If somebody is talking something wrong, my blood starts boiling & I do object. So sometimes others feel that I don’t have manners (like my elder sister always say) but it’s not like that. Actually it’s in my blood. I being a Rajput ought to be like this. I don’t want to show others that I am proud to be a Rajput, it’s a fact actually. Sorry guruji (as I fondly call a friend of mine), I won’t say that again. Saying that I am a Rajput is like strengthening cast system which I don’t intend to. I am a human being first, then an Indian, then a Hindu, then a jammuite & only then a Rajput. Being a girl & that too belonging to a Rajput family & that too living in a rural area, you are bounded to so many restrictions (most of which aren’t imposed by your parents but by relatives & the society you live in). Some of these restrictions are justified because there should be something that makes you different from others, I am talking about your culture & tradition; and you should feel proud to follow that. But some restrictions don’t have any meaning, so why to follow them? Thank God I have very loving & understanding mom who always support me, no matter what others say or to be precise enough I can say I make my mom to support me (as she’s too innocent & sweet as well & I can easily change her mind).

my hate book

When anyone asks me if I hate someone or something, in most of the cases I say no, but it’s not true. I do hate many things. Let’s begin with myself. The thing that I hate about myself is my short tempered & stubborn attitude otherwise I am a self obsessed person who is in love with herself. I get heated up very soon over little things. I try to keep my cool but 4% of times I fail in college & this percentage increases to 95% at home. At college I am very calm & cool; and I lose my temper only if something is not going the way as it should be. Moreover I lose control over myself when it comes to my friends or my self esteem. But at home, I can hardly keep my cool & I get heated up instantly. I am trying to be more cool at home but let’s see how far it goes. Apart from this, I am very stubborn. Once I decide to do something then nothing in the world can change my mind & I am equally stubborn at college & home. I had once given the proof of my stubbornness to my classmates when everyone had decided to have mass bunk & I was the one who made them all to attend class, of course later on I found that I had done something wrong (as things really got out of control & there was a conflict between some classmates) & I even apologized for that. Now I think my stubbornness has come to a lower level but only in college not at home. At home even if I am doing something wrong, I’ll stick to that, no matter what others say.
Now coming to others, I hate people who make fun of others on the basis of their physical appearances. Then there are some people who keep on giving advices to others as they think they are very wise or they think they are perfect but actually they aren’t. Next in my hate book are the people who interfere in others’ matters. My elder sister is one among those who always interfere in my matters. She keeps on complaining about me to mom or dad. I don’t know when she’ll grow up? I hate those who hurt others sentiments even when they know they are doing so. My hate book also includes those who keep on bitching about others on their back & those who keep on praising themselves as they think they are very great & they don’t stop even after knowing that others are getting incredibly bored by their “bundles”. I don’t hate liars because I am also a liar & I believe lying should be in limits. It’s allowed until it harms someone.
I really want such people to change their attitude but before that I need to change mine because “you should be the change that you wish to see in the world”.

Monday, August 25, 2008

mass bunks

The thing which I am gonna miss the most about my college life (of course after I’ll complete my college) is mass bunk. From the first mass bunk that we had, every mass bunk is associated with great memories. I remember our first mass bunk (in first semester) when we were hiding ourselves from our professor. We were running upstairs, downstairs, corridor, to library, to canteen, to labs, to every place where we could hide our self, with bags, drafters, drawing sheets in our hands. But all our efforts were in vain, we were caught & we had to apologize for mass bunk. From then about 95% of the mass bunks are a big flop & only 5% are successful. Mostly we are caught up either by our principle or our H.O.D., then they scold us & after that we have to apologize. Some of us do take that scolding seriously (I am one of them) & decide that they won’t have bunks until there is a genuine reason for it. But this feeling lasts only for few days, then again we start bunking. It’s not that we always bunk on the cost of our studies, we bunk because it’s not easy to attend all the classes every day. Well, any excuse is enough for a wicked person, so we have a lot of excuses. The thing which I like about mass bunks is that, only during mass bunks we get a chance to share ideas & many more things with other classmates (who have gradually become friends). When I was new to college, I didn’t know anyone. Then I had five- six friends. It’s only because of these mass bunks, now almost every classmate is my friend. Life is a great teacher. Even these mass bunks have taught me something. If you want unity among the people you live, you have to compromise over some things. Firstly you have to give something & only you can demand something.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Happy to help!

I am always there to help my friends whether it’s something related to studies or their personal problems. I do this because I feel extremely happy to help them. As soon as I enter the class, I start hearing echoes of my name & from then my so called “social work” starts. From pencil to assignments, I have everything that my classmates need (in most of the cases). If anyone needs anything, I or my best friend, are the first whom they’ll approach. Not only is this, making other’s assignments or a part of it, also a part of my social work. Even if I am in canteen, I have something to do, mostly it’s not my work but somebody’s else. Besides assignments, if anyone of my friend has any sort of problem they come to me. Mostly these problems include queries about something that I am very much aware of & they are not. I, honestly, don’t get tired of all this, instead I enjoy this. One of my problems is that I can’t say “no” to anyone. It’s very difficult for me so I have to help. It’s not that I am very intelligent or I am very hard working so they come to me. I am an average student who is not willing to work hard but I have a passion for helping others that’s why I do that. I know it sounds very funny but it’s true & I believe that you should have passion for everything you do. Moreover I am also a strong believer of the fact that if you help others, you’ll get their blessings. This fact has worked wonders for me. I don’t work that hard but still I get good results of anything I do. There’s one thing more, I want that who so ever comes in my life, should remember me for rest of his or her life so as far as possible I help others so that they’ll remember me.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

funny side up!

No doubt the ongoing agitation in Jammu region is a very serious issue but it has its funny side also. There are many light moments associated with it. I am damn sure when this agitation will be over (of course only after we, the jammuites, get our rights), we’ll have many things to remember of this agitation. Initially when this issue started, many people were not aware of what all this hype is about? Some rural, illiterate people were thinking as if that land was given to Pakistan. Some small children were thinking that that land was to be distributed among jammuites. One of my cousins was asking his father, “How much share of that we will get?” People who didn’t join rally would ask others returning from rallies, “So have you got the land?” & the reply will be like, “I have land here, I want that land for you” (of course just for fun). Small children are even more excited to take part in rallies. They have learned all the slogans by heart & they keep on chanting them all the time. Some children, who have just learned how to speak & who don’t even know who is Mehbooba Mufti or Omar Abdullah or N N Vohra, keep on saying “Mehbooba Mufti hai hai”, “Omar Abdullah hai hai”, N N Vohra hai hai”, etc. I belong to a rural area so I have examples from that only, I am sure people from cities will have more to tell. Everyone from old people to small kids, keep on discussing this land issue all the time. I am at home from the past one month & whenever my friends call me or I call my friends or when we are online, we also have the same issue to discuss. But we all desperately want this issue to be resolved soon.

what made me to start blogging?

I am a person who always keeps on exploring new things about life. What new things?? The thinking of people, their way of perceiving things, their lifestyles, etc. Keenly observing people around me is a hobby for me. Analyzing people & finding out their qualities (both good &bad) is something I am very interested in. There are many more things that I enjoy doing. While doing all this, I have collected many memories & I’ll keep on collecting in future also. In future when I’ll stop for a moment & look back in the past, I’ll find so many silly, funny, sweet & of course some painful memories also. I’ll surely miss all those moments of my life with no regrets about what I had done. I wish I can tell someone about all what I have done in my life, what hardships I have faced (well they are not many), what I have enjoyed, etc. I want to share my experiences but in today’s world no one is free enough to listen to anyone, so I found a better way to share my experiences, i.e. blogging. That’s why I started writing blogs.

Friday, August 22, 2008

struggle of jammu

I am a second year engineering student from Jammu, who is just waiting to get into the third year. I have given three of my exams of fourth semester & three are still left. Due to ongoing agitation in Jammu, my exams are getting postponed again & again. I don’t know will I be ever able to get admission in third year or not?
This is not my problem only, but lakhs of students from Jammu are facing the same problem. It has been near about two months since the whole Jammu is burning & there seems no end to this fire. To be very honest, I don’t know everything about this land issue except that 800 kanals of mountainous land was given to Shri Amarnath Shrine Board (SASB) & then it was taken back. The agitation is for restoration of land to SASB. I think if that land is to be used for the betterment of pilgrims then the locals of Kashmir shouldn’t object at this, after all pilgrims increase economy of our state. Actually agitation of people of Jammu is justified for the fact that they have always been ignored both by central as well as the state government for the past 61 years since J&K was included in India. This agitation which is being carried out in Jammu for the past two months is the result of suppression of people of Jammu. Firstly people started this agitation under the leadership of some political leaders but now they don’t need any representation. This is the struggle for their rights. Despite of larger area & greater population of Jammu, Jammu has fewer seats in legislative assembly & gets fewer shares in the central funds. Not only this there are a lot more examples of partiality against Jammu. People of Kashmir are also carrying out agitation but by burning tricolor & raising Pakistan’s flag, so now it has became nationalism of Jammu versus antinationalism of Kashmir. People of Jammu have never raised their voice against any issue but now the limit is crossed. This agitation is about their religious sentiments & of course the struggle for their rights. Everyone, here in Jammu, is suffering from the past two months, but no one is willing to stop this agitation because this time the limit is crossed. Women, children, senior citizens & even infants are taking part in this agitation. You can hear slogans like “bam bam bhole”, “desh ke gaddaron ko goli maro salo ko”, “Mehbooba mufti hai hai” etc from little children who have just learned how to speak.
I am not a political leader nor I am supporting any political party, I am one among the students of Jammu, who is also suffering in this but like others not willing to stop this until we get our rights. For about the past one month, I haven’t met any of my friends. We can’t exchange messages as SMS’s are banned here. What can be worse than being away from your friends for such a long time? We desperately want to meet our friends but we have been locked in our homes.
I can just hope that soon our government will wake up from hibernation & take some action of course in favor of people of Jammu.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

first backlog

Well it’s easy to say,” It doesn’t matter to me but somewhere it does matter.”
I am talking of getting your first backlog (as I got one in engineering). Only the person who has gone through this experience can understand what the meaning of getting a backlog is??
Well it doesn’t matter to everyone but only to those who have a sense of guilt. To many, it’s just the matter of luck, but how a person who hasn’t put all his efforts can blame luck?
Well I am talking about myself. Persons like me are never willing to work hard. So they have no other choice than to accept whatever destiny gives them & they accept it happily.
Most of the time I accept happily whatever comes to me, but this is only in case of studies because study is the only field in which I am not willing to put an extra effort so I have to accept whatever comes to me. As far as studies are concerned I am a very lazy and lethargic person but otherwise I am an extremely dynamic person. I don’t give up unless & until I get what I want. I feel very restless until I achieve my objective so I keep on trying harder & harder.
My attitude towards studies wasn’t like this before but even I didn’t realized when my attitude became like this. May be because I was too busy in exploring other expects of life that I started ignoring this one. I was a hard working student (not too hard working). To excel in exams was something that always propelled me to work harder. This attitude worked wonders for me & by the time I left my school life I was the topper. I do admit that in the last two years of my school life, I had stopped working that hard but still I was worried about my studies.
Well let’s not get carried away by that, coming back to the topic I have to say that when I first got to know from a friend of mine, that I had two backlogs in third semester, I was like “it’s ok doesn’t matter”, because I was expecting four backlogs so I accepted that happily. I was consoling others who got backlog with an attitude that “see I have backlog but still I am smiling”. But with the each passing second, I was getting into some sort of depression. It’s something that I am quite used to. This feeling was coming because of the fact that my classmates, whom I think are not as capable as I am, were all clear or had just one back log. Moreover almost all my close friends were all clear except two so I was feeling low. But then I got to know that I had just one backlog but still it was the same, I mean I had a backlog. The remark one of my friend when I told that I had only one backlog acted like an arrow straight at my heart. Unknowingly & unwillingly, my friend hurt me but that remark was a genuine one & wasn’t actually meant to hurt me. On that day I actually celebrated my failure with my closest friend. Till I was with her things were ok because she was also in same condition & we two shared our feelings & celebrated our failure. But things were not the same after that.
I being a very extrovert person always share everything that’s in my heart except a few things that are extremely personal to me & I don’t like sharing that with anyone not even with my closest friend. I am like an open book, whatever is going in my mind can be clearly seen on my face, so it was hard for me to pretend that I am fine & all that happened has no effect on me. Thank God, I had one of my closest friends with me who was in a similar position as that of mine so I was a bit relaxed with her. No one in my family knew about this except my cousin with whom I share most of my official problems (I mean problems related to study, career & all that). I could not tell my parents because they would scold me then as they always do, without even trying to understand their children. But this time they would have a genuine reason to scold me as I really didn’t gave that attention to my studies. I didn’t have that courage, I admit. So condition was even worse because for sharing anything about the trauma that I was going through, I had to wait for the college. I have used the word “trauma” because of the reason that when somebody is in some shock he or she will probably weep & after that he or she will feel light. This theory is more applicable for girls but I am an exception. In spite of being an emotional person I don’t weep or to be very precise I can say that tears don’t come out of my eyes. For me even a little emotional shock cause a great depression and it takes some time for me to get out of that, so this situation was a trauma for me. But only a few know about this thing about me, & I don’t want anyone to know my weakness because I want to built a very hard core image of mine & this thing doesn’t fit in that image. Why I want such image? The answer is still not clear to me. Well this may be because of the fact that I don’t have a brother & I somewhere I believe that I can be like that & to some extend I am like a tomboy. The other reason can be that I have I will live alone & for this I have to be strong.
So pretending to be happy was not easy & those who were close to me clearly understood that I was not fine but they were still unaware of what was actually going in my mind. When teachers were teaching, I only looked towards them without paying attention to what they were teaching because I was too lost in myself. At home pretending that everything is ok was even more difficult. It had become a sort of habit for me to come from college & start jotting down my experience on paper without talking to anyone. I was feeling very sad & lonely. Not because of the fact that I was actually alone but because I didn’t allowed anyone to come close to me. May be because I needed solitude & at the same time I was feeling like I am being ignored. I had developed a negative attitude. I was feeling jealous of my friends who were all clear. Strange! It was my fault & I was looking towards others like they were responsible for all that. That phase was very terrible because I could not speak up my mind. My solitude was my only companion. But somewhere I was actually feeling guilty because of the fact that I was genuinely responsible for this. Soon I got out of that phase & then I realized my friends were my greatest assets & they will always be. They were actually worried about me. I got to know about this after I realized that I should at least give them a chance to understand me & should speak to them. After I spoke to them, I was feeling very happy because they told me that they knew what I was going through & that’s why they were just giving space to me. But one of my friends had something different to say, she said she was angry with me as I was avoiding everyone & she wanted to scold me for that. I felt very happy after I got to know that because I always wanted my friends to be like that. I always want my friends to say anything to me as if they have full right on me, without fearing that how I would feel like. This is something I am going to remember for whole of my life. I’ll always be thankful to God for giving me such wonderful friends.
This was my first experience of getting first backlog & I hope the last also because I don’t know how I’ll feel if I’ll get another.


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